Most People Would Do Just About Anything for Their Family... Except Talk About Death and Dying

We strive to give our family everything they need: love, security, opportunities, and guidance. We prepare children for school, relationships, careers, and life’s challenges. Yet, there’s one topic we often avoid—the one inevitability we all face: death and dying.

This reluctance to discuss end-of-life matters isn’t unusual. In fact, research shows that most people shy away from these conversations for a variety of reasons—fear, discomfort, cultural taboos, or simply not knowing how to begin. However, avoiding these discussions can leave our loved ones unprepared and burdened when the time comes.

To care for our family (whether they are our biological family or family of choice), talking about death isn't just important—it's one of the greatest kindnesses we can give them. Let's explore why these conversations matter and how you can make them easier.

Why Do We Avoid Talking About Death?

Despite our best intentions, many of us find death a difficult subject to broach. Here are some of the top reasons why people avoid these conversations:

1. Fear and Discomfort: The thought of our own mortality or losing loved ones can feel overwhelming. It’s easier to push these thoughts aside.
2. Cultural Taboos: In some societies, death is considered a “forbidden” topic. Talking about it might feel unnatural or even superstitious.
3. Not Knowing Where to Start: Conversations about advanced care planning, wills, or funeral preferences can feel daunting when we lack the right words or tools.
4. Optimism Bias: We tend to believe “there’s still plenty of time” or that death is far off, which leads to procrastination.
5. Family Dynamics: Fear of conflict or upsetting loved ones can discourage open dialogue.
6. Guilt and Personal Barriers: Some worry about burdening their family or feel unqualified to address these topics.

Why These Conversations Matter

Avoiding discussions about death doesn't prevent the inevitable. It often creates more stress and confusion for those left behind. Here's why it's so important to talk about end-of-life wishes:

• Eases Emotional Burden: Clear communication can prevent your loved ones from having to make difficult decisions under pressure.
• Ensures Your Wishes Are Honoured: From medical care to funeral arrangements, you can ensure your preferences are known and respected.
• Strengthens Family Bonds: These conversations, while challenging, often bring families closer and foster deeper understanding.
• Empowers Your Loved Ones: By addressing death openly, you equip your family with clarity and confidence to handle future challenges.

How an End Of Life Doula Can Help

If you’re unsure how to begin these conversations, you don’t have to go it alone. Trained End of Life (Death) Doulas, like me, specialise in guiding individuals and families through the delicate end-of-life planning process. An End of Life Doula can:

• Create a Safe Space by facilitating open and compassionate conversations tailored to your family’s unique dynamics.
• Demystify the Process: From advanced care planning to legacy creation, an End-of-life Doula can simplify what can feel overwhelming.
• Support Emotional Wellbeing: Doulas, who have experience in mental health and grief support, can help individuals navigate the emotional aspects of end-of-life discussions.
• Empower Decision-Making: providing tools and resources to document and share your wishes.

Personal Reflection

In January each year, I revise my medical history (which I carry around with me), Advance Care Plan (which sits in a plastic pocket behind my front door – for emergencies, in addition to the GP having a copy), and my End of Life Wishes (which the relevant people have a copy of). It’s part of my “getting ready for the year” process. Whilst it may not be an easy topic to work through, I often feel lighter once I have it completed and talked to those close to me about it.

Talking about death doesn't mean inviting it. It means embracing life's realities with courage and care. It means protecting your loved ones from unnecessary stress and empowering them to honour your wishes.

?Start the Conversation Today

So, take a moment to ask yourself: What legacy do I want to leave? How can I best care for my family, even after I’m gone?

Starting these conversations can feel uncomfortable, but they’re deeply rewarding. And remember, you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to take this step or need support, reach out to someone like me—a Death Doula who is here to guide you every step of the way.

Because caring for your family doesn’t end with life. It extends to how you prepare them for what comes next.