The Most Overlooked Person Deserving Of Your Empathy by Scott Markham

The start of a new year often brings a mix of hope and pressure. Many of us set ambitious goals, only to look back and feel somewhat disappointed that we didn’t quite accomplish all our lofty expectations from the previous year. If you’re like me, that pesky little voice of imposter syndrome might even creep in, questioning your worth or capabilities.

But here’s the truth: careers—and life in general—rarely go exactly as planned. And that’s okay. What matters most is how we respond when things don’t go as expected. As we step into 2025, I want to offer a perspective that we often give to others but rarely extend to ourselves: empathy.

Redefining Success and Mistakes

In my career as an HR professional, I’ve often witnessed how deeply people internalize their mistakes. From employees feeling crushed after a failed project to leaders doubting their decisions in tough moments, the relentless pressure to be “perfect” can be overwhelming.

But what if we redefined success? What if, instead of focusing solely on outcomes, we measured progress, growth, and effort? Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re feedback.

I’ve worked with employees who felt devastated after receiving tough performance reviews. Together, we shifted their mindset: What did they learn? How could they use the feedback to grow? One powerful technique is reframing self-talk. Instead of fixating on what went wrong, they started asking, “What strengths did I rely on here?” and “How can I use this experience to improve next time?” Breaking big goals into smaller, actionable steps also helped rebuild their confidence and created a sense of forward momentum. These small changes turned the review from a moment of defeat into a roadmap for growth.

The same empathy we extend to others has the power to transform how we see our own challenges.

Self-Empathy as a Professional Strength

Empathy is a buzzword in leadership, especially in HR. We often support employees and leadership through difficult times—listening to their struggles, providing guidance, and fostering trust. But how often do we extend the same grace to ourselves? Often, we mix up or don't consider what it means to offer empathy towards others and also to ourselves.

It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of self-criticism. You didn’t meet that career milestone. You made a tough decision that wasn’t well-received. You let work spill into personal time—again. These moments are part of being human.

When we extend empathy to ourselves, we create space for resilience. Self-compassion allows us to bounce back, approach problems with clarity, and maintain our passion for work. In many ways, it’s a professional strength—one that fuels creativity, collaboration, and effective leadership.

The Role of Self-Empathy in Leadership and HR

As HR professionals, we wear many hats. We strive to champion employee well-being, align with business strategies, and respond to results. We enforce policies, which can feel tough at times. We lead through uncertainty and work with managers and leaders to help shape workplace culture. We often have to deliver bad news or point out necessity for change or room for improvement. Yet, we can only model empathy if we practice it ourselves.

Imagine how self-compassion could change your leadership style. Picture navigating layoffs or terminations with a balanced mindset—not carrying the emotional weight on your shoulders. Or managing high-stakes situations with calmness and poise because you’ve learned to quiet your inner critic. If you’ve struggled with these challenges, doesn’t that sound freeing?

When we lead with self-empathy, it’s not just about us. It’s about creating an environment where employees and leaders feel seen and supported—even when they’re navigating tough decisions, making mistakes, or facing setbacks.

Why Self-Empathy Feels So Hard

If self-empathy feels unnatural, you’re not alone. Many of us find it easier to show understanding and kindness to others than to ourselves. Why? The answer often lies in the messages we’ve absorbed throughout our lives.

The Roots of Self-Criticism

From an early age, many of us are taught to equate our worth with our achievements. Well-meaning parents, teachers, or mentors praise us for success and urge us to “try harder” when we fall short. While the intention may be to motivate, the unintended message is that mistakes are failures rather than steps in learning. Over time, this conditions us to judge ourselves harshly and fear imperfection.

For some, cultural norms play a role. Certain environments emphasize humility and discourage self-acknowledgment, making self-compassion feel self-indulgent or even selfish. If we’re raised to prioritize others’ needs, the idea of extending kindness inward can feel foreign or uncomfortable.

The Professional Perfectionism Trap

Our careers often reinforce these early lessons. In many industries, perfectionism, speed, and results are valued over vulnerability and reflection. Performance reviews, deadlines, and competitive environments can create a pressure cooker for self-criticism, especially if we perceive any misstep as a risk to our reputation.

For HR and leadership roles, this dynamic is even more pronounced. As the go-to problem-solvers, we may feel the need to project unshakable confidence. Admitting to struggles—or even taking time to process them—might feel like letting others down.

Practical Ways to Practice Self-Empathy in 2025

If you’re ready to prioritize self-empathy this year like I am, here are a few practices we can start with:

Rewrite Your Inner Narrative: Replace harsh self-talk with constructive phrases like, “I’m doing the best I can with what I have.”

Celebrate Progress: Keep a journal of your achievements, no matter how small, and revisit it during tough times.

Set Realistic Boundaries: Remember, you’re not just an HR professional or leader—you’re a person with needs, too. Protect your time and energy.

Learn From Setbacks: Treat mistakes as data points, not defining moments. Ask, “What is this teaching me?”

Finally, give yourself permission to be human.

Moving Forward with Grace

As we step into 2025, I encourage all of us to lead with empathy—not just for others, but for ourselves. Be kind when things don’t go as planned. Be understanding when you fall short. And above all, be forgiving. We have the tools to grow, the resilience to adapt, and the wisdom to try again. And that, I believe, is far more powerful than perfection.

What are you doing to practice self-empathy this year? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and tools I can use, in the comments below.