The Most Overlooked Coaching Skill that Changes Everything for your Coachee

Over the past 15 years, I have had the privilege of coaching hundreds of entrepreneurs, disciple makers, and church planters from over 20 countries. Together, we have explored ways to grow their businesses, enrich their lives, and successfully plant churches. Along the way, I have also been coached by a diverse group of mentors, witnessing firsthand the good, bad, and mediocre ones.

What sets truly exceptional coaches apart is a skill often overlooked but absolutely transformative.

In this newsletter:

• I will dive into the essence of coaching
• Share why it is of vital importance
• Share the fundamental structure of a coaching call
• The crucial yet frequently ignored skill that defines a great coach
• And 5 tips on how to grow in this skill

Let's dive in.

What is coaching?

Coaching comes in many forms: performance coaching, executive coaching, business coaching, lifestyle coaching, personal coaching, and more. It can be conducted in groups, one-on-one, or online. In this article, I will focus on one-on-one coaching.

With countless definitions and approaches, the field of coaching is broad and can be confusing.

To me, one-on-one coaching means helping a person achieve their vision and goals.

When we coach:

• We are deeply committed to the person we are coaching, filled with love, and dedicated to their success.
• We assist them in understanding their strengths and weaknesses.
• We help them see what they might be missing.
• We offer wisdom and provide accountability.

A coach differs from a consultant. While a consultant provides advice for a specific situation, a coach is committed to the individual's overall growth, fostering change through love and accountability.

Why is Coaching So Important?

It Helps You See What You Don’t See

As Jesus said in Luke 6:39 (NKJV), "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" A blind person cannot lead another because they cannot see where to go. Similarly, a good coach acts as your eyes, helping you see what you might miss on your own. They can provide new perspectives and insights, helping you get unstuck and move forward.

It Helps You Know What You Don’t Know

A good coach provides valuable insights and wisdom that can lead to breakthroughs. They help you zoom out and see the bigger picture, shedding light on mindsets, intentions, or situations you hadn't considered.

For instance, while coaching a friend in Tanzania, I suggested he could rent out his car to earn extra money—a solution he had never thought of.

It Helps You Achieve Your Goals Faster

By helping you see what you might miss and guiding you with their experience, a good coach ensures you avoid repeating mistakes and achieve your goals more quickly. Their guidance can streamline your path to success, making your journey more efficient and effective.

How to coach?

We use this simple Coaching Flow through all our online and live coaching calls.

This is the outline:

1. Prayer - We start with prayer and invite the Holy Spirit to guide us.
2. Reports/review – The coachee shares what he or she has done in between the coaching meetings. How are the people they are investing in doing?
3. Feedback/input – The coach gives input.
4. Encouragement
5. Plan
6. I will statements - The coachee commits and writes down what he or she is going to do.
7. Prayer - We surrender all the plans to the Lord.

The Most Overlooked Skill of a Good Coach

Throughout my years of coaching and being coached, I have identified one crucial skill that is often overlooked but is incredibly important: encouragement.

Many coaches underestimate the power of encouragement, finding it challenging to consistently offer positive reinforcement. Yet, every person needs encouragement. Life can be tough, and people often feel down. Positive words of encouragement can uplift their spirits and help them thrive.

The writer of Hebrews reminds us of this in Hebrews 3:13 (NKJV): "but exhort one another daily, while it is called 'Today,' lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."

The Hebrew word for encouragement is "?āzaq," which means to strengthen, prevail, harden, be strong, become strong, be courageous, be firm, grow firm, and be resolute. When we encourage others, we strengthen them and help them grow.

Barnabas, a notable figure in the Bible, was called the "Son of Encouragement" (Acts 4:36 NKJV): "And Joses, who was also named Barnabas by the apostles (which is translated Son of Encouragement), a Levite of the country of Cyprus." He was known for his constant encouragement of others.

Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV) emphasizes the power of words: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Encouraging people and speaking positively can bring life.

Not only does the Bible advocate for encouragement, but research also supports its impact. Studies show that for every negative word spoken, you need at least six positive words to counterbalance it.

John Gottman, for example, could predict if a couple would divorce with 90% accuracy. A key factor was the ratio of positive to negative words.

In his groundbreaking research, Marcial Losada revealed that high-performing teams have a positivity ratio of approximately 5.6 positive interactions for every negative one. This high ratio correlates with better performance, including higher profitability, customer satisfaction, and positive evaluations from colleagues and managers. In contrast, medium and low-performing teams had lower positivity ratios, with medium-performing teams around 1.9 and low-performing teams below 1. Losada's findings suggest that maintaining a higher proportion of positive interactions fosters a supportive, innovative, and productive team environment.

Five Tips to Grow in Encouragement

1. Pray For the Person You Are Coaching

Praying for the person you are coaching, helps you to receive love and compassion for that person. It helps you to be genuine and authentic.

2. Be Genuine and Specific

When you encourage someone, make sure your words are heartfelt and specific. Instead of general praise like "Good job," say something like, "I really admire how you handled that difficult situation with grace and patience." Genuine and specific feedback shows that you truly appreciate and recognize their efforts.

3. Practice Active Listening

To provide meaningful encouragement, you must first understand what the other person is experiencing. Practice active listening by giving them your full attention, asking thoughtful questions, and showing empathy. This allows you to tailor your encouragement to their specific needs and challenges.

4. Make Encouragement a Daily Habit

Incorporate encouragement into your daily routine. Set a goal to give at least one piece of positive feedback to someone each day. This could be in the form of a compliment, a thank you note, or a supportive message. Consistent practice helps make encouragement a natural part of your interactions.

5. Focus on Strengths and Progress

During my coaching meetings, I frequently pause and purposely praise the person for something that they have done. Even if it is small. I don’t necessarily praise the outcome, no, I praise the effort. We cannot control the outcome, but we can applaud the hard work. People come alive, they feel cherished and have new hope to continue.

In conclusion, encouragement is a powerful and often underestimated skill that can transform individuals and teams. As coaches, we should embrace and cultivate this skill to help those we guide to reach their fullest potential.

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