The Most Important Skill

“Now remember,” I said, raising a finger to make a point, “If you don’t know the answer, choose ‘C’.”

“That way, you will have a 25 percent chance of getting it right.”

Kenji listened attentively as I explained the objective of the day’s TOEIC lesson.

It was a humid evening in Kawagoe, Saitama, Japan in the summer of 2005.

I was on the late shift at the local branch of a big eikaiwa, or English conversation school chain.

I had been hired by the school directly from Toronto, and I had only been in Japan for four months.

We were sitting in one of the many small cubicles the school used as classrooms.

Kenji was a middle-aged salaryman whom I had never met before.

He had been at the school previously for other one-to-one lessons, but they had always been with other teachers.

Kenji’s goal was to get a good score on the TOEIC test, and he was coming after work to the school to prepare.

TOEIC is a popular English test in Japan, and it is used by many corporations to measure English ability.

Having a high score brings many opportunities for a Japanese worker, including possible overseas assignments.

The lesson that day focused on always choosing an answer on the multiple choice portion of the test, even if you didn’t know the answer.

The teacher’s notes in the lesson materials explained that many Japanese tended not to choose an answer if they weren’t sure.

The materials didn’t explain why they didn’t make a choice, and I didn’t think to question it myself.

All I cared about was teaching Kenji how important it was to choose an answer.

“Do you understand?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Kenji responded with a smile.

I grinned widely, satisfied at how great a job I had done explaining the concept.

??????????????????

We proceeded with the lesson, doing various exercises to reinforce the importance of choosing an answer.

Kenji never asked a question—he simply followed my instructions.

My self-satisfaction grew as Kenji passed the other exercises with flying colours.

Finally, the moment of truth came—the practice test.

I sat back and smiled, confident that Kenji would succeed just as he had with the other exercises.

My satisfaction gave way to shock when I realized that Kenji was skipping many questions without choosing an answer.

His eyes nervously flicked over the page as he moved on from one question to the next, rarely making a choice.

By the time the practice test ended, he had left over half of the questions blank.

“Why didn’t you choose ‘C’ when you didn’t know the answer?” I asked in bewilderment.

Kenji said nothing as he stared at me, his lower lip quivering with anxiety.

Sweat was beginning to form on his brow.

Clearly, he hadn’t understood any of what I had taught him.

If he didn’t understand, why didn’t he say something, I thought to myself.

Why did he waste my time?

My bewilderment gave way to anger as I stared at Kenji.?

His eyes widened in fear as he saw the change in my face.

“Pick an answer!” I barked at him.

He flinched as if he had been shot, and he jabbed with his pencil to answer the questions.

When the lesson time was up, I picked up the lesson materials and headed back to the teacher’s room, leaving Kenji in the cubicle.

I was frustrated with his silence and my inability to teach him.

I gathered my things to go home, hoping to relax there and forget my failure.

As I left the school, I saw Kenji sitting in the classroom by himself, staring at the test paper.

??????????????????

It took many years of reflection and experience in Japan before I understood what I had done wrong that night.

I had tried to teach Kenji in a way that I thought would work with me if I were the student.

However, there were many factors I hadn’t considered.

I was a Canadian who asked questions when I didn’t understand something.

Being from a low-context culture and not having lived abroad before, I assumed everyone was like that.

However, Kenji was clearly not that kind of person.

Perhaps, being from a high-context culture, he thought that asking questions would have been too direct and rude.

He might have felt that asking questions would be seen as a sign of stupidity.

Maybe he believed that I would understand his true feelings in spite of his words.?

Another Japanese person would have probably seen the signs right away.

However, I didn’t understand.

I hadn’t developed the all-important skill of empathy.

I was more concerned about being the all-knowing teacher than paying attention to the signals Kenji was sending to me.

If I had, I could have helped him.

But I didn’t, and so I failed him.

I never saw Kenji again after that night.

??????????????????

I now know that it’s all about my clients.

Their needs always come before my ego.

I pay attention to them and do my best to understand them.

I ask questions instead of making assumptions.

My goal is to help them succeed.

What do you think is the most important skill for a coach to have?

#English #StoryPowers #ThriveGlobally

John McGraw is a Business English coach, entrepreneur, and Japanese language learner. Since 2005, he has helped thousands of professionals and students improve their English communication skills and reach their life goals.