The Most Important Life Lesson

"Youth is wasted on the wrong people."

Remember that line from the film, "It's A Wonderful Life"? It's in the scene that unfolds with George Bailey wearing an ill-fitting football uniform and Mary Hatch covered up in an oversized bathrobe. The pair are singing "Buffalo Gals" and chatting away about their attire and their lives and their dreams for the future. A seemingly grumpy older guy is seated on the porch of his home, eavesdropping on their conversation, and quickly growing frustrated. He shouts out to George, "Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?" Unsatisfied with the young couple's responses, he stomps off into his house calling out, "Youth is wasted on the wrong people."

Now I'll admit it. I've thought this same thing many times (maybe you have, too?). Most recently, it crossed my mind when the 18-year old foster youth for whom I serve as a CASA (Court-Appointed Special Advocate) got a free-ride to a university, and at the 11th hour refused the scholarship. Her fears consumed her to the point she couldn't take this step toward a future she couldn't see...even if I could see it for her.

"What a waste..." I shake my head. Until I remember that when I was in college, I, too, was offered a scholarship to a university. And I said no. Then I got the opportunity to study in Florence, Italy for a semester for free. Again, I said no. Adults in my world at that time, those who had been around the block more times than I, had tried to convince me to change my mind, but I had my reasons, and I thought I knew best. Same holds true in my career, my relationships, you name it: Throughout my journey, I chose or didn't choose what I believed was right at the time for me. It's what we all do. Including you. And it's exactly the right thing for each of us to do.

As we age, it's natural to look back and judge whatever came before. It's almost universal with the clients I coach. Unraveling our pasts is not for the feint of heart. And no matter who you might be, hindsight is always 20/20. We may wish we had made other choices, but those choices we did make are the ones that, in turn, made us who we are today.

Youth does have its advantages, no question: Speed, stamina, blissful ignorance (as in, you don't know what you don't know, so forge ahead!)

But so, too, does age.

What those of us not born yesterday bring to the table is experience; perspective; time; focus; the slaying of our own demons; the realization that the accumulation of "stuff" is hollow; the ability to love (especially ourselves) without expectations or judgement; the triumphing over trials with the battle scars to show, and the ability to forgive; the unfolding of our own evolvution into who we have become...and accepting all of who we are. Age gives us a whole slew of gifts that are so powerful, and, yet, that are too often devalued and dismissed.

We rightly can point to corporate America or to marketing and media for reinforcing those messages of being too old to do much of anything other than wait for retirement and pick out our final resting places. But in the people I've coached and even in myself, I find that those voices reside much closer to home. It's the thoughts we have in our own heads underscoring that it's too late, and that we "shoulda, coulda, woulda," had we only known back then what we do now. It's that belief inside us that whispers that maybe life for us really is over, and we never did what we wanted to or we never really hit on what that might be.

"Get busy living or get busy dying." ~ The Shawshank Redemption

I love that quote from Shawshank, and I take it to heart. Time is going to pass no matter what you do with it. So why not choose what it is that you want to do? Just deciding that -- regardless of the outcomes -- is so empowering.

A writing mentor once told me: "You get no credit for living." I beg to differ. We may choose to give ourselves no credit for the lives we've lived and the lessons we've learned, but in my opinion, that's such a shame. I think we deserve at least a little credit, a pat on the back...don't you? The fact that we're up and out of bed and navigating whatever comes our way day after day...that IS something that, maybe, if we celebrated more as a win, we wouldn't feel as if we're "less than" or somehow "not there yet".

We are our own worst enemies, no matter the age.

I wrote an illustrated Dr. Seussy rhyming romp called, "Seriously! Are We THERE Yet?!" after getting unceremoniously dismissed from a job into which I had poured my heart. The whole experience left me questioning who I was and asking, "What now?" It also gave birth to this book and connected me with others asking the same questions. Life doesn't go exactly as we may have planned. But it does go exactly as it's supposed to. That's a lesson I'm still learning to embrace!

Youth is not wasted on the young. The young must have their own experiences to learn and grow and evolve. And since "young" is relative, every one of us who wasn't born yesterday is still young in the eyes of someone else more senior.

When I first trekked cross-country from Chicago to Los Angeles, knowing no one and with nothing more to my name than a cat and a car, I ended up living for free with Rose, an elderly lady in need of someone to keep her company and run errands. She was 96 years old; I was 36. We'd sit and watch baseball, she knew every ball player's stats, and I'd tell her all my woes. Rose would laugh and respond with, "You're a baby still! Stop with the pity party."

Life doesn't stop when we reach a certain age...unless we choose for it to. And how we see our lives, the stories we choose to tell about them...what we did or didn't do, what we can or can't do...? They're entirely up to us. Which brings me to the cover image for this article. It's a still from my husband's music video for his first song TRUE LOVE. Yup, at the age of 63, my hubby is putting out his first album. For as long as he can remember, he always loved music, and, secretly, dreamed of being a singer-songwriter with his own songs topping the charts. He has built his professional career as an audio engineer and has been happy in his role. With age comes wisdom, however, and for him, he wanted more...to realize his dream. So, he has taken all of what he has learned in life and has created something with this album that speaks to his soul and that has the power to impact countless others. Does he wish he had done this earlier? Sure. Would he have been able to...? Not so sure. He needed to experience life and learn what he needed to -- the same as we all do in our own time -- in order to reach this point, where he's realizing what matters to him most and that which gives his life greater meaning. Far from him slowing down, he's fired up and inspired and more productive than ever, determined to squeeze out every drop of life in ways he didn't have the courage or understanding to do earlier on. A TedTalk actually speaks to how we may experience our most productive years in our 60s, 70s, and beyond. I tend to agree.

Youth is never wasted on anyone, and living with passion is not limited to one's age. Learning to take all you have and pouring it into what makes your spirit soar is, indeed, the purpose of life itself. It's never that you're too old. It's that you think you're no longer young enough to [fill in the blank].

"There is no passion to be found playing small -- in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." ~ Nelson Mandela

So start telling yourself a different story. Stop letting your excuses get in the way of whatever it is that makes you feel alive and empowered. Stop playing small. Be bold and mighty forces shall, indeed, come to your aid.

And that IMHO is the most important life lesson I've come to learn.

How about you? What's your "most important life lesson"? Share it in the comments.

#storytelling?#leadership?#inspiration?#impostersyndrome #wellbeing #mentalhealth #creativity #entrepreneurship #lifelessons #identity

NOT BORN YESTERDAY is a work in progress, and just as we who were not born yesterday continue to evolve and grow in our respective journeys, so, too, will this newsletter. I welcome hearing from you on what topics you might want me to touch on here and open up for discussion. You and your story matter. You have and continue to live your own "wonderful life" and sharing the lessons you've learned with others can only help to change this world for the better.

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Paolina Milana is a storyteller with journalistic roots. She is Founder of?Madness To Magic. She is a published award-winning author, podcaster of?“I’m with Crazy: A Love Story”, keynote speaker, and a content producer; her work has been published in various outlets including?INC,?LifeHack, and more. Paolina is an authority in story-based leadership and in sharing stories that celebrate the triumph of the human spirit and the power that lies within each of us to bring about change for the better.