The most important lesson I learned from doing a TEDx talk

In May 1993, I was a 26-year-old New York advertising account executive filming a Chiclets chewing gum commercial in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Chiclets was the most famous chewing gum in the world at the time. I was the account lead for a multinational commercial, to be used in 27 countries. It was the kind of job I’d dreamed about while attending Thunderbird School of Global Management.

That Chiclets commercial production taught me a life-altering lesson. A lesson I learned the hard way: I was a jerk. Yeah, we usually reserve that term for a guy who annoys us, but it’s the most accurate descriptor I can think of when I think back on the lesson and the behavior that led to learning it. I was a jerk in a skirt. Let me explain.

As the account lead for the commercial, I had to show a video to my client for a last-minute cast change. We needed to film that evening and had only hours left to secure the talent and get him on set. I was at the Sheraton Grand, a lovely hotel on the outskirts of Rio that in the ‘90s had sprawling favelas (slums) as a backdrop. I told the front desk I needed a video player to show a tape to my client at 3:00pm; the video player had to be ready by 2:30pm. They assured me Jo?o would set it up.

By 2:45pm, there was no sign of Jo?o or the videotape player. I desperately called down to the front desk several times, asking where he was and that I absolutely needed this video player. They claimed he was on a cigarette break. He finally arrived at 2:51pm. The look he gave me as he strolled in was the look that led to my lesson, it conveyed his view of me: “You uppity kid from New York, you think you know everything. Well, you can’t do anything without my help.”

That experience came back to me as I prepared for my TEDx talk these last 5 months. I just delivered the talk this past Saturday. I’m still soaking in the entire experience. I was reminded of that nearly three-decades old moment because it provided an invaluable lesson, one I built on while developing my Ted talk.

My original lesson: for as smart as you are, you will not be successful without others help.

My recent lesson: you, and what you are trying to achieve, will be made better by accepting others help.

The evolution of this lesson happened at every step of my TEDx journey, beginning with my submission.

I had the desire to do a Ted talk, but it was a few-years-out goal. When I thought I’d have something worthy to share (maybe). Thankfully, a very wise friend, Ellen Taaffe, who has been a TEDx speaker and had seen me working on another speech said, “You absolutely have something worth sharing.” After resisting initially, I accepted her advice and applied. To my astonishment, I was selected.

With the next step of my TEDx journey, I learned the lesson more broadly.

With my submission on the need to Embrace Uncertainty [to find opportunity] I had all kinds of ideas to bring that message to life. I’ve built an M&A consulting practice by helping leaders and teams navigate the change and uncertainty during post-deal integrations. That expertise and knowledge was the foundation for my talk. Until I spoke with my TEDx writing coach, Ali Wentzke.

Ali thought I had great ideas and ways to approach the talk (let’s be honest, too many), but she felt a key ingredient was missing. Where was I in the talk? More than lessons learned from M&A, hadn’t I learned to embrace uncertainty myself? Hadn’t I pivoted from a successful corporate career to start all over again as an entrepreneur and author?

At first, I looked at her like she was crazy.

“Well, yeah, but that was more like a leap of faith. I did it because I was convinced my M&A experience could somehow help others navigating any business transition.”

To which she replied, “Okay, were you certain that this effort would succeed?"

“Well, no.” I answered. ?“But I bet on me and embraced the uncertainty to become an entrepreneur….” Hmmmm, I thought. She might have a point.

Her next comment sparked the thread of my talk: “You mentioned that one of the CEOs you interviewed for your book remarked that a man would never write your kind of book, but the book was much needed in M&A.”

“Yeah, he called me a bit of an exotic bird in mergers and acquisitions,” I replied.

“I think you should play with that idea…….”

That comment inspired the idea of being an “exotic bird” in a situation: something that stands out and is different. To take the analogy a step further, someone whose value comes from contributing something important in a new and unique way. Which is essentially what I do as an entrepreneur in M&A. Ali’s suggestion to explore the “exotic bird” idea led to the core of my speech and motivated the creation of my TEDx outfit.

What you are trying to achieve will be made better by accepting others help.

When I was in my 20’s, I thought it was a weakness if you didn’t have the answer for everything. If you didn’t have everything perfectly planned and prepared. I didn’t see myself as a perfectionist per se, but as someone who was always prepared. Which is why I was so rattled by not having that videotape player ready (still wasn’t ready by 2:55pm).

I have come to appreciate over time, hastened by my TEDx experience, to be willing to accept the help of others. To be prepared, but open to input. To solicit others feedback. To “let people in” who can help me. Who can see what I am trying to do and help me make it better.

Take my TEDx outfit. To evoke the imagery of an exotic bird for my talk, I wanted a certain look. I created a mood board (more mood PowerPoint)

and shared it with my friend, Dana Todd. A serial entrepreneur herself, she started Balodana, an e-commerce retail website founded to transform your closet (and confidence) with custom, made-to-measure clothing. She LOVED my exotic bird idea and enlisted two designers to submit proposals: Tavrovska (based in Ukraine, I should note) and Samshek, based in Delhi, India.

I adored both proposals. Just seeing the design ideas inspired me to do more with my talk. I ultimately had Samshek make the exotic bird outfit. To say I felt powerful in that moment stepping out on stage in a lush green-teal jumpsuit, with a cape of peacock feathers enshrining my head…. oh, and the hair helped in that regard, too. Even coming up with the hairdo was the result of a collaboration with Sophia and Katie, my hairdressers at Pascal Pour Elle.

Doing a TEDx talk is a journey. If you are open and accepting of input on that journey, it can be transformative. From my initial idea, to what and how I presented my message and myself, everything was made better by accepting others help and feedback (looking at you Heather, Ami, Laura and Rebecca). This included the initial confidence I gained in speech preparation, thanks to Amy and Michael Port (Heroic Public Speaking) and Carol Dibo (Actors Training Center).

So how did things end with Jo?o and my videotape player?

In that moment he strolled in, I saw his look and realized I’d been a pushy New York ad gal. A jerk in a skirt. Thankfully, my French grandmother’s influence and my Thunderbird cultural schooling kicked-in. I looked at him and said, “Listen, I’m sorry, Jo?o. I need this videotape player to play a tape for my client. This is my first big job and I need your help. If he doesn’t see this tape on time, I will delay production and my boss will think I’ve not been successful at my task.” To which he paused and said, “No problem, madame.” And within five minutes, the player worked. Right at 3:00pm.

Be open and accepting of help (in whatever form it comes), and you may just be surprised at how much better it makes the experience – and your end result.