The most important kindness practice of all

Would you let a total stranger into your house so they could steal all your stuff? Of course not!

Well, guess what? You do this every single day, and the person sabotaging you is…YOU!

When a friend makes a mistake, do you berate them? Belittle them? Yell at them? No. Then why in the world would you reserve that treatment for yourself? There are plenty of people who are kind and compassionate toward others but go for the total knockout when it comes to how they treat themselves.

We don't often give ourselves the grace or the common decency that we would show a stranger on the street.

This month I've been sharing?the science behind kindness and compassion. We have explored how being kind can strengthen your immune system, reduce stress, and improve well-being. Unfortunately, you can’t practice true kindness and compassion with others if you don’t start with yourself. This has been a hard nut to crack for me, and it’s one I work on daily.

In order to actively and intentionally give yourself grace, protect your peace, and build resilience practice these 3 strategies daily:

1. Start with the way you talk to yourself about yourself.

I talk a lot about communication in business and in relationships, but in this case, it has to start with how you communicate TO yourself ABOUT yourself. It’s difficult to see the world in a way that is inconsistent with the way you see yourself. If you’re sending yourself messages like "I’m not good enough" and "I’m unhappy", you start to find those things because we find what we look for.

Building resilience starts with self-compassion. Blaming our actions rather than our character allows us to feel guilt instead of shame. In his book,?Resilient, Dr. Rick Hanson asks, "What would you do if you were on your own side?" Approach yourself with the same kindness you would show to a friend.

2. Quiet your mind.

Our brain is constantly changing and adapting based on the input we give it, and what we focus on grows. Shawn Achor, author of?The Happiness Advantage?and?Big Potential, notes that the first and last 30 minutes of the day are the times when you are most vulnerable to having your attention hijacked. During these times, your brain is not as easily able to prioritize information or place it into a greater context.

When it comes to taking care of yourself, take control of the first 30 minutes of your day. That means no social media, no news, and no email. Give yourself a fighting chance by taking control of your day before it takes control of you. Protect your most valuable resource – YOU.

3. Don’t believe everything you think.

Your thoughts and feelings are not facts; they are simply information. Rather than analyzing and judging why you are thinking and feeling a certain way, simply observe it. When you notice a self-sabotaging thought, stop and ask yourself two questions: 1. Do you know this to be true? And 2. Is this thought or emotion serving you?

Challenge self-defeating thoughts by deconstructing them, rather than getting stuck in them. This takes time and practice, but you’ll start to realize that you have developed self-defeating habits that are sabotaging your mental health.

Being kind to yourself is a hard job, but it is a requirement for resilience.

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Random Acts of Kindness Challenge! I hope you will continue practicing random acts of kindness and experiencing all the benefits (both physical and mental) that come with showing compassion to yourself and others.