The Most Important Investment You Can Make on Cyber Monday

During the Thanksgiving holidays we are bombarded with Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales just in time for our traditional gift-exchanging season. Research has shown that there is something about getting a perceived "deal" for a limited time only that triggers an urgency in us that provides a "fear of missing out" response. If we don't buy this (fill in the blank) thing today, we will miss out on this bargain opportunity to do so. 

What if we behaved with this urgency and fear of missing out in our most important relationships? 

What if the people we care about most were scarce and only around for a limited time? Would we treat them with greater care? 

Would we make our quality interactions with them a priority?

I talk with people every day who confess that their closest relationships have a more transactional flavor to them than intimate connection. They sigh and attribute it to the burden of the responsibilities they have--demanding jobs, not enough time in the day, children's activities, and the like. They long to kindle closeness yet the seemingly "urgent" gets in the way--leaving its permanent toll on the relationship over time. I hear first-hand about case after case where this toll even leads to unwanted and unexpected separation and divorce.

The research on what makes up our sense of well-being provides overwhelming evidence that connected relationships matter greatly to us. They nourish our spirit and are essential to our emotional and physical health. In fact, when identifying the factors influencing our physical heart health that are within our control, key research indicates that in addition to diet and physical activity, having connected relationships is a key element!

My intention in this post today is to cause you to a pause for just a moment and think about what relationship or relationships are most important to you. Think about the closest one or ones that you want to preserve and nurture. The one or ones that would cause you great pain if you no longer had them in your life.

These important relationships are not guaranteed. They can be lost. And, whether we fully fathom it or not, they are only around for a limited time only.

My challenge to you is to begin to be more intentional and urgent about your nurturing and care and feeding of these precious, delicate connections. If they mean the most to you, what behaviors could you exhibit and what words could you use to actually demonstrate that reality? 

What regular deposits can you begin to make into your relationship accounts so they do not become depleted?

People often tell me that they are aware of the importance of their closest relationships but time just slips by. They don't know how to begin to change their habits. I get that. We all have good intentions, myself included, yet in our hectic lifestyles, a storyline emerges where efficiency and accomplishment trump intentionality and conscious choice. 

The reality is-- we always have choices.

Here are some ideas others (and I myself) have used to begin to create habits of connection, quality time, and demonstrable appreciation in their closest relationships. They may seem pretty simple and obvious as you read them--but ask yourself--how often and consistently do you actually pause and practice them?

• Make a list of what you love about the other person. Include traits, habits, characteristics, Each day, take 5 minutes and affirm the person with a note telling them how much you appreciate one of those things about them and why.
• Create a weekly connection ritual that you treat as a sacred appointment. It can be a night out, a telephone call, a walk together, taking a class together, or any shared experience that you do together on a regular basis.
• When you are sensing yourself being transactional with the person for expediency's sake, stop yourself and ask yourself, "What do I value about this person?" Tell them on the spot.
• Make a list of all the things the person really enjoys or likes. It may be music, going to the movies, or whatever hobby or activity he/she relishes. Go to Amazon and order a few gift certificates, small gifts, books, or other tokens that are related to those things on your list. Put them in a box, and each month-- give or send the other person one of the things in the box.

What do you need to start doing and saying more of right now in your most important relationships in order to show attention to what matters most?

Peace & Light to You--

Janet

Your thoughts, words, and actions create your reputation as a leader, and the story of what it is like to be in your presence. My work with leaders focuses primarily on creating your most powerful presence. I help you define and access the thoughts, words, and actions that are in alignment with your most powerful self— and maximize the impact you have in the world. Check out my books, blog posts, articles in Forbes or Thrive Global, or my regular videos that all serve you on your quest to embody your most powerful presence.

www.janetioli.com