Most Common Communication Mistakes,

I made a communication mistake recently, and it's been eating at me - more so than perhaps at others, because this is my area (or it's supposed to be). Heck, this is what I instruct university students on. The mistake wasn't major, but it was also easily preventable. My recent frustration got me thinking about what the most common communication mistakes are in everyday life, which are also relatively easy to prevent and manage, and I came up with the following - which is by no means exhaustive (this could go on for chapters):

1. Assuming - assuming that our message(s) has/have been received, by the recipient(s) it/they was/were intended for, in the manner we intended. When we don't receive the response we'd like to our messaging, and/or our messaging isn't understood exactly the way we intended to be, we often blame the recipient of the message and excuse ourselves as the sender..."how couldn't it have been obvious to them, that this is what I was communicating!?" This mistake cuts both ways - as the recipient of messages, we often assume that our interpretation of them is the correct interpretation, and if we find out otherwise we experience negative emotions..."how could the messaging have meant anything other than what I interpreted it to mean!?" Recommendation: we should always attempt to confirm understanding when communicating, as both the sender of messages and the recipient of them - this is especially important in high-stakes situations. We're often too lazy to - or too uncomfortable with - confirm(ing) understanding when communicating, which is unfortunate because it's such a simple exercise that provides a really high ROI for those who consistently engage in it. How do you confirm understanding? Ask questions if you require more details; convey your interpretation of what's been received back to the sender and confirm you're understanding properly; as the sender of messages, ask that your target recipient confirm their understanding of your messaging by conveying it back as they understand it. Yes, confirming understanding can be uncomfortable, take up additional time, and feel redundant...but it also is an invaluable exercise that can prevent significant negative outcomes from occurring due to misunderstandings.
2. Not Listening to Understand - I see this all the time (and I engage in it more than I'd like to), people listening with the goal of arguing/disagreeing and NOT the objective of actually understanding anyone else. When we listen with the objective of adversarially responding, and that's what we find ourselves focusing on as we interpret the messages being sent in our direction, we aren't really listening - we're strategizing (often with malicious intent). Recommendation: the only real effective practices I'm aware of for avoiding this are: (a) confirming understanding of the sender's message and intent, before responding to it (see mistake 1 above), and (b) holding ourselves accountable to prioritizing understanding over being right. This doesn't mean we have to agree with others or devalue our own positions and voices, simply that: if we're truly going to be properly informed on anything - and in a position to have a position on it - it is required of us to really listen to others (even those we don't agree with or understand). Also, don't feel like you've failed when you listen to understand but can't arrive at shared/agreed-upon understanding (this does happen); the act of working towards shared understanding is often as important as actually achieving it, because it validates the other stakeholders involved in the communication as people worth listening to.
3. Confusing Nonverbals - in every course I teach, I remind students that our primary sense is sight - we are visual creatures first (and foremost), and that extends to how we communicate. Whether it is reading into them too much, or not paying close enough attention to them (as senders and as receivers of messages), nonverbals are often the underlying cause of miscommunication. Recommendation: managing nonverbals effectively is tricky for both senders and receivers. Nonverbals are difficult to manage well for senders, because most of them are occurring without us being aware of it (and in the case of facial expressions - where most of them live - without being able to spot them) - they're also difficult to interpret for receivers, because of how subjective we are in the way we interpret nonverbals; 'Was that a smile or a smirk? Did they wink at me or did they have something in their eye? Are those happy tears or sad tears? Are they angry or serious? Are they frowning or focusing? Are they laughing at me or with me? Are they flirting with me or is there something weird on my face?' The most valuable recommendation I can make here is: be mindful of the role nonverbals are constantly playing in communication, and whenever possible manage and interpret them thoughtfully (you're still going to screw-up once in a while, but you can certainly minimize the frequency).
4. Devaluing Simplicity: I have a post-it above the whiteboard in my office that reads "Simple + Effective = GOOD!" I apply this rule to processes, systems, assignments, solutions to problems, exercises etc. Obviously things can't always be simple and effective; communication often can be, but simplicity is sacrificed for the sake of narcissistic vocabulary. I have been guilty of exercising a narcissistic vocabulary (as someone with a Bachelor's in English Literature and a graduate degree in Communication), which has hindered me from achieving what I believe to be the ultimate goal of communication: shared understanding. I don't care if you have more degrees than you have fingers, using unusual/fancy words to communicate with others is ineffective communication, is often not interpreted in favor of the person using the big words, and is evidence of a lack of common sense (not a badge of intelligence). Recommendation: when it comes to communicating (via any medium) - less is often more, simple and accurate is what you should be aiming for, and the objective of achieving shared understanding between you and your audience, should remain in the front of your mind (if they don't understand 20% of the words you're using, how can they understand you?).
5. Not Communicating - it may seem like this shouldn't count as a communication mistake, but it is a common and major one; when we have something to communicate - whether it be a question, an explanation, an answer, a warning, or anything else - choosing NOT to communicate is part of our communication. Perhaps the most common example of failure to communicate involves our reluctance to ask questions in certain contexts. Whether we are a student who doesn't want to be judged by the professor or class for being uninformed, or a professional who doesn't want to appear incompetent, it's not uncommon for us not to ask questions when we have them and should ask them. This failure to communicate extends beyond questions to things such as: asking for help, sharing a good idea, alerting someone to a problem, etc. I've stressed the following to every team I've ever led: if you have questions ask them, I'd rather you become informed and know what you're doing than remain uninformed and screw up at what you're doing; if you have an idea share it, most good ideas evolve out of bad ideas, and the best ideas I've had haven't been my own; if you make a mistake that you can't effectively and quickly fix yourself, let the appropriate people know and ask for help before it turns into a disaster; if you see someone else - myself included - making a mistake, let them know and help them out before it turns into a disaster; if something major outside of work is impacting you're ability to perform your duties effectively, let me know before your inability to do your job does serious damage to yourself and the team. Recommendation: check your ego, need to be comfortable, and fear of being judged at the proverbial door when it comes to communicating with others. The most important conversations we have as people and professionals are often the least comfortable ones, and they require us to not withdraw from communicating for the sake of feeling more comfortable, or less judged, or less vulnerable. I've personally seen teams of incredibly capable people fail to succeed even moderately, due to a failure (and often refusal) to communicate about things that could cause one or more of them any kind of discomfort.