This Is the Most Catalyzing Strategy Ever, to Be Able to Disarm, Develop, Defend, Disrupt, Deflect, Distract or Deflate Any, Life Situation or Event

Yes! This is absolutely a simple, yet uber-potent “Catalyzing Strategy.”

Please let me explain.

But, before I explain, I just want to briefly discuss the moment I realized the power of this Uber-Potent Catalyzing Strategy.

This Uber-Potent Catalyzing Strategy is actually a simple“question.”

The Question: “Can I ask you a Question?”

By asking “Can I ask you a Question?” probably saved me from a violent beat down or, it could have quite possibly saved my life.

This is the first time I ever mentioned this story “out loud.”

I don’t know if anyone in the world knows this story beyond me and the kid I went to protect. I learned the “Can I ask you a Question?” strategy in 1966 at the age of 14 years old. It saved me from physical harm and, it quite possibly saved my life and, this kids life. I don’t remember his name. I think it was stuy. Short for Stuart.

I grew up in the Linden public housing project in East New York, Brooklyn. At that time, it was a racially mixed area. My friends were from all races and all religions but, all from the same socio-economic background. It was a young, working class neighborhood where our parents were trying to build a life, and move up into the middle class.

The only tension and conflict that existed in the “area” was usually between “neighborhoods.”

The borders and boundaries of the neighborhood where you lived, determined where you were safe and, where you’d get your ass kicked, if you happen to cross those borders and boundaries into neighborhoods where you didn’t live.

The Junior High School (7, 8 and 9th grades) I attended was made up of many different “neighborhoods.” It was normally a pretty tame school in those days, until one spring day conflict descended upon us. It became my group, the gang from the linden projects and beyond and a predominantly white group versus, the “Spanish” group, the gang whose neighborhood was located just north of the school.

 The conflict was going to spill out onto the streets after school. It was becoming a real West Side Story. About 20 of my friends put together a plan to meet these kids after school and “jump” them. A unanimous pledge was made that everybody would stand their ground, no matter what.

The bell rings, schools over and, my friends and I meet in front of the school.

We’re solidly planted and waiting when, from all directions the biggest group of “Spanish” kids I’ve ever seen, starts to surround us. It was obvious that there were 4-5 times more kids than we had.

It was also obvious that most didn’t go to our school and, it was painfully obvious that many brought their “older brothers” and, in many cases maybe their uncles and fathers.

I didn’t have time to check I.D.’s.

Well, as I stood my ground like we all promised, I turned to get some assurances that we’re all going to stick together. Well, that didn’t turn out well. I was only able to helplessly watch as all my friends were scattering and running for their lives.

Okay, so it wasn’t too hard to figure out what my next move had to be. It was obviously every man for themselves. There was only one thing for me to do at that point and that was, to run like hell.

I was one of the fastest kids in my neighborhood so I got off to a great start but as I looked back, the wave of “Spanish” kids backed off and were “swarming” around something or someone that I couldn’t see.

Then came a slight break in the crowd and I saw what looked like a “white” kid pushed up against the fence that was around the park.

It was Stuart. Not my closest friend but, still part of the “group.” He was alone and he was being slapped around pretty bad.

I do not know where I got the nerve but I ran back, pushed aside the crowd, and jumped in front of “Stuy.” I faced the crowd while my back was pushed against “Stuy’s” front. I moved my hands in back of me and “Stuy” and, grabbed the fence and held on for dear life.

I was fortunate enough, or just plain lucky enough, to quickly pick out what appeared to me to be the “leader’ of the “Spanish” kids. I looked him straight in the eye and I loudly declared “You’re the leader, right? I said that a few times. Then I screamed at him “Can I ask you a Question?” a few times.

Here was this “White skinny Jewish” kid, in the middle of 30+ angry “Spanish” kids, asking a question to get permission to ask a question. Well miraculously, all at once, everything stopped and quieted down. The anger even tamped down a bit. The kids, some carrying chains, knives and sticks, backed off and backed up and, the “leader” moved towards me.

“Okay, so ask” he said. I was so scared I don’t remember much after that. All I know is that my question was “Could we take a walk?” I took Stuy with me and, the “Leader” and I walked and talked.

This “White skinny Jewish” kid and the Leader of the “Spanish” kids became friends and, the school never had a “Neighborhood” problem with these two groups again.

The Take Away: As I mentioned in the opening, I ask a lot of questions. I’m a curious and inquisitive kind of guy. So, this was a pivotal moment for me. Not at that exact moment but, in the days and weeks that ensued, and after heavy-duty retrospection and introspection, I realized I was on to something.

I believe “Can I ask you a Question?” saved my life.

It was that impactful and transformative.

It was the “moment” that the earth stood still for me. Everything stopped, and the only thing you could hear, was my heart trying to crack through and jump out of my chest.

It was a true “When E.F. Hutton Talks People Listen” mega-moment. Hit the link to learn what that is. I actually was working for them as a stockbroker in 1975 when that commercial aired. What a Phenomenon!!! What fun we had with it while cold-calling.

Attention “Grownups”: There’s a teachable moment ahead.

As a kid, who asked a lot of questions, I was all too familiar with the fact that adults have a tendency to brush off and “slam down” kids who ask questions and especially, kids who are fortunate enough to have an unabating inquisitive mind.

I would start to ask my question, and before I could finish, I would get a “not now kid” or, just a curt “later” or even, a “Not now ask me later.” Their “Slam Downs” came swiftly and from all shapes and sizes. That’s why I started to ask, “Can I ask you a Question?”

“Can I ask you a Question?” became part of my life. I always asked this question before I actually asked the actual question. It always prevented “Slam downs” and besides, it was me being humble, gracious and of course, you can’t forget, me being charming.

I also learned that no one ever said "no."

Attention “Grownups”: The Teachable Moment is Finished.

After my “West Side Story Experience” I realized, at 14 years of age, that I now had a “Super-Power.”

It got even more powerful for me while watching the first episode of Columbo on March 1, 1971, at 19 years of age, and realizing that I actually had a “super-power + a strategy” for getting the answers I needed to be successful in life, control any situation or event and, be successful with the ladies.

MINDFUL MOMENT: “Can I ask you a Question?”, is a fantastic “ice breaker” to start a conversation. Just make sure you have a creative question to follow.

 “Can I ask you a Question?”, is a situation modification strategy, it’s a knowledge acquisition strategy and, at that same time, it can be a conciliatory or peacemaking strategy. Its power lies in its diversification and execution. 

Try It.

In most situations, all you have to do is thoughtfully and deliberately ask, with a humble and gracious smile and the squint of the eyes: “Can I ask you a Question?”

While you ask this “uber-muscular” question, you’re looking directly at that person. You then give them time to pause. You say nothing further, while you wait for the hypnotic state to kick in and, for them to stop in their tracks, and reply in the affirmative.

Okay, so some wise-asses will respond “You asked it already.” You ignore that, humbly smile and, wait for them to get “un-stupid”, and let you ask the question.

Or, there are corn-balls who will do the above and if you answer “well, could I ask another one,” they’ll reply, “that was your second one.” Once again, you ignore that, humbly smile and, wait for them to get “un-stupid”, and let you ask the question.

TAKE-AWAY: “Can I ask you a Question?”, is the greatest non-violent, most transformative, most effective and, the least offensive disrupter, deflector, distracter, deflater or developer of any situation or event at any time. It becomes this mammoth strategy when asked the right way and for the right reasons.

MINDFUL MOMENT: Why always ask for permission? You’re not asking for permission? You’re disrupting the tempo of the action and interaction in the room and, you’re taking control of the situation. No one ever says “no.” Even in their most anxious moments, asking them, “Can I ask you a Question?”, breaks the tension and, even if they ask in an annoyed tone, with teeth clenched, “What is it???”, you’re still disrupting and diffusing the situation and getting them to listen.

Your tone of voice and the manner in which the question is asked, are critical for all situations.

Asking, “Can I ask you a Question?”, in an even, confident and firm tone and manner, is for businesslike situations and, asking “Can I ask you a Question?”, softly, humbly and in deference to another person, is to take control, calm a volatile situation or, win over a narcissistic, egotistical dick head.

This simple question to be able to ask a question, is also a useful support tool when you feel intimidated or uncomfortable in a situation.

By asking “Can I ask you a Question?” in a humble manner, mixed with a soft tone and backed by a “nervous and fidgety” smile, makes the other person feel more powerful than you and, they tend to morph into a magnanimous ally for the moment, at least. It’s enough time to accomplish what you need to accomplish.

It’s enough time to do or say, what you need to do or say. It disrupts, deflects, distracts and deflates the situation or event.

As I said, it's becomes a "When E.F. Hutton Talks People Listen" Mega-Moment.

Just try it. Practice it. Reflect on the results of using it when you’re home and not distracted. You’ll get to be an expert after a while.

The biggest hurdle may be, overcoming the feeling that you’re lowering yourself below your acceptable self-esteem comfort zone line by “asking permission.”

JUST REMEMBER: you're not asking for permission. You're asking this question because you're going to gain situational power and, be in control.This is your secret super-power, your secret weapon and eventually, because of the positive situational power, control and results that you’ll get, you’re “gonna love the feel of using it.”

One more thought: If you're all about moving your life from ordinary to extraordinary or, rebuilding your life with renewed vitality and perseverance, please meet me at my Blog for more Success Support and: