Morning Coffee Thoughts: My Battle with My Demons

Morning Coffee Thoughts: My Battle with My Demons ????????????

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Good morning, everyone. Today, I’m sharing something deeply personal, my daily struggles with my own mind, something I’ve only shared with my wife before. I don’t seek sympathy or attention, I hope my words resonate with others, reminding you that your struggles are valid and that you’re not alone, and if this reaches just one person and makes a difference, then it has been worth opening up. There is always hope, so never give up.

I received my autism diagnosis as an adult, but I’ve felt like an outsider for most of my life. I faced bullying in school, often targeted for being perceived as weak. To those bullies who may read this, your torment never caused me physical pain, my tears stemmed from frustration, my autism means I don’t always pick the right emotion for the situation, emotions are all learned behaviours to me not natural. I learned that crying sometimes made you leave me alone, even if it meant enduring your mockery.

As an adult, I had few friends, with only one person offering companionship throughout my teenage years. I often immersed myself in projects and developed intense passions to fill the void. At 23, I took on the challenge of buying a business, a hotel and restaurant in one of the UK’s busiest holiday resorts. The competitive environment excited me. Later, I ventured into owning a children’s nursery, partly inspired by my own kids, while also dabbling in property development. Throughout this time, I continued to wrestle with my internal struggles. Despite my loneliness, I believed it was the right path for me.

After my first marriage ended, I chose to leave my hometown in search of new opportunities. My determination remained strong, but my inner demons persisted. I relocated, changed careers, and found a new partner who has been my greatest inspiration. My children, that she took on as her own despite the many challenges that brings, motivated us to strive for better lives, but my wife is my anchor, the one person who has never left my side or doubted me. She supports my dreams, no matter how ambitious, even when my demons make me difficult to live with. She has faced her own health challenges that have left her unable to work, yet her support for me and the family, has never wavered.

I do not know how she has stuck around, my demons make me single minded at times, selfish you might say. I believe my lack of social skills and very direct nature have pushed friends of hers away, shame on them, and your huge loss, misunderstand me, dislike me, but to turn your back on such a beautiful sole just because of me, there are no words. She has had to fight her own serious health that has now left her unable to work, yet she never wavered from supporting me.

Despite my progress, those demons still fill my mind daily. I often feel isolated, lacking friends to lean on during tough times, with my wife being my sole confidante. Most of our friends come through her or are colleagues, with one sharing a kindred spirit with me. I struggle with sleeplessness and anxiety, which led to a heart attack a few years ago.

Even with a successful career and a wealth of experience, I often feel overlooked because I don’t conform to expectations in social situations. Right now, I’ve never felt more alone, sensing my talents unrecognised and my skills forgotten. Yet, my wife reminded me of an essential truth, despite facing adversity and dismissal throughout my life, I’ve persevered and reached the top of my field. My determination has fuelled my journey.

The purpose of this morning’s reflection is to make a connection with those facing similar challenges and remind you that success is attainable. I hope my experiences, and my victories, along with those efforts of others working hard in this field like me, pave the way for a brighter future. I found someone who believes in me and continues to do so every day. I am endlessly grateful, humbled and inspired by her support. I encourage you to be that person for someone else, embrace inclusion in your company, and watch the positive impact unfold.

#EmploymentForEveryone #Rangam