The More You Try to Control, the Less You Actually Lead

I used to believe that great leaders were the ones with the firmest grip.

You know the type.

? Always composed.

? No cracks in the armor.

? Sharp suit, serious face—never a smile out of place.

? Meetings run with precision.

?Every answer crisp. Every decision final.

They looked flawless from the outside—untouchable, 'in control'.

And I thought that was the goal.

I thought leadership meant having all the answers and making sure nothing slipped through the cracks.

That real leadership meant being so in control that you never showed uncertainty.

In my earlier businesses, I used to wear suits and ties for over 15 years - you know, dress the part.

Weirdly enough - although I've always been joyful, I was also trying hard to 'be serious'.

But over the years, I’ve noticed something strange:

?? The leaders who try to control everything often lose influence.

?? The leaders who release control—while shaping direction—are the ones who inspire the most impact.

It’s one of the leadership paradoxes: The more you try to control, the less you lead.

Why does this happen?

1?? Control limits adaptability.

When you’re fixated on a specific outcome, you become blind to new information.

Markets shift. Plans fail. Opportunities appear.

The most effective leaders create conditions for success—but they adapt quickly when reality doesn’t match the plan.

2?? Influence creates momentum.

Control demands compliance. Influence builds alignment.

When your team feels trusted and empowered, they take ownership—and that’s when real momentum starts.

3?? Control builds stress. Influence creates trust.

Micromanagement drains energy (yours and your team’s).

When you trust people to do their part, you build psychological safety—and that’s where innovation and growth thrive.

So how do you lead with influence (not control)?

? Focus on direction, not perfection.

? Set clear expectations, but allow room for autonomy.

? Create psychological safety by making it okay to fail—and learn.

? Be adaptable: when reality changes, adjust without losing confidence.

The best leaders don’t strive to control outcomes.

They shape the conditions for success—and trust the process and their people.

The more you let go, the more powerful your leadership becomes.

Because it's Friday, you can use the weekend to reflect on this :)