The More We Value Things Outside Our Control, The Less Control We Have

In a world that constantly encourages us to chase after external achievements, possessions, and approval, it’s easy to lose sight of the things that truly matter and are within our grasp. This pursuit often leads us to value things outside our control, inadvertently diminishing our sense of control and well-being. The wisdom embedded in the statement "The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have" offers profound insights into leading a more fulfilling and empowered life.

The Illusion of Control

When we invest our energy and emotions into things beyond our control, we set ourselves up for inevitable frustration and disappointment. External factors like other people's opinions, material possessions, and circumstances are inherently unpredictable and volatile. Valuing these elements creates an illusion of control where none exists, leading to a perpetual state of anxiety and helplessness.

Consider the example of seeking validation from others. When our self-worth is tied to how others perceive us, we hand over the reins of our happiness to forces beyond our influence. People's opinions can change unpredictably, and no amount of effort can guarantee their approval. By placing high value on external validation, we lose the ability to find contentment within ourselves.

The Stoic Perspective

The ancient philosophy of Stoicism offers valuable insights into this concept. Stoics emphasize focusing on what is within our control and accepting what is not. According to Stoic thought, we have control over our thoughts, actions, and reactions. Everything else, such as the behavior of others, natural events, and outcomes, are beyond our control.

Epictetus, a renowned Stoic philosopher, famously said, "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." This principle encourages us to shift our focus from external events to our internal responses. By doing so, we reclaim our power and maintain inner tranquility, regardless of external circumstances.

The Power of Internal Values

Valuing things within our control shifts our focus inward and empowers us to cultivate qualities and virtues that lead to a meaningful life. Personal growth, integrity, kindness, and resilience are examples of values that reside within our domain. By prioritizing these internal values, we build a solid foundation for lasting fulfillment and self-confidence.

For instance, pursuing personal excellence in our actions and decisions is within our control. Striving to be a better person, nurturing relationships with authenticity, and contributing positively to our community are endeavors that depend on our choices. These efforts yield a sense of accomplishment and contentment that external rewards cannot match.

Practical Applications

1. Mindfulness and Reflection: Regularly practicing mindfulness and self-reflection helps us identify when we are valuing things beyond our control. By becoming aware of these tendencies, we can consciously redirect our focus to what we can influence.
2. Setting Intentions: Instead of setting goals based on external outcomes, focus on intentions that reflect your values and efforts. For example, instead of aiming to get a promotion (an external outcome), set an intention to consistently improve your skills and work ethic (within your control).
3. Building Resilience: Developing resilience enables us to navigate life's uncertainties with grace. Resilience is built through facing challenges, learning from failures, and maintaining a positive attitude—all within our control.
4. Gratitude Practice: Cultivating gratitude for what we have, rather than fixating on what we lack, fosters a sense of contentment and reduces the desire for external validation. Gratitude shifts our focus to the present moment and the things we can appreciate.

Conclusion

The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have over our own happiness and fulfillment. By recognizing the futility of seeking satisfaction from external sources, we can reorient our values towards what is within our control. Embracing this mindset leads to a more empowered and balanced life, where inner peace and personal growth take precedence over fleeting external rewards. Ultimately, the key to a fulfilling life lies in valuing what we can control—our thoughts, actions, and responses—over the unpredictable and ever-changing external world.