More Than Words

Here we are again, another Thanksgiving celebration almost upon us. It’s actually my favorite holiday. Just a day to be grateful. If your gatherings were anything like what I’ve experienced, at some point, someone hits a pause button and asks everyone to share what they are thankful for. A great tradition, no matter what your interpretation of history is. If all goes well, everyone comes up with something that is what they are genuinely grateful for. Sometimes, as I witnessed on one family gathering, you also get what someone is not grateful for; Brussel Sprouts!

Not unlike a lot of you who read these Tuesday Tips, I’ve been exploring the whole concept of gratitude. What I’ve been learning is that recognizing the value of people, experiences and things we have been granted, is the foundation for happiness. However, although we acknowledge the importance of gratitude to our mental, physical and emotional health, the focus on gratitude has resulted in a lot of the right words, but not always the desired results. We say thank you, but are we really grateful? 

I had this illustrated by one of the cutest trick-or-treaters that came to our door on Halloween. He very politely asked, “may I please have some candy?” Our conversation went back and forth as he picked out what he liked and, after he had made his selections, he raced off to his parent yelling at the top of his lungs, “Mom I said please four times and thank you five!” Clearly someone in gratitude training.

What’s the point? If we really want to transform our lives, our relationships and our businesses, we need to get beyond saying the right words to actually feeling them. That’s what I’ve been working on and I’ve learned a couple of tips that are helping me get there. 

Often in our work day when our team members deliver on something, we do say thanks, or thank you. The trick to feeling the gratitude is to not stop there but to be specific about what you appreciate. “Thank you for getting that slide deck done, I always appreciate your attention to detail.” “Thanks for getting me those numbers, it was helpful that you did it quickly.” “Great job team, thanks for all your hard work. I recognize it required extra effort and thank you for staying late this week to make sure we finished on time.” Being more specific with our thanks makes us identify those things that will help us feel grateful, not just say the rights words.

Warning: For those of you who are “touchy feely” averse, you can stop reading here!

The second tip that really made a difference for me came through a meditation series I was following. The exercise was to look around you and find three things you were grateful for. For me, given where I was at the time, it was the roses that were in full bloom, a humming bird that seemed to love the bright flowers on my deck and my cup of coffee. Then you were asked to express your gratitude for each of those things you had value for. Now here was the turning point…. The final step was to imagine each of those things thanking you back for noticing them. The reciprocal response, even though imagined, helped me connect with the feeling of gratitude.

This Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for all of you who take the time to read the Tuesday Tips. They go out to more than 5,000 people each week and, given the super high open rates, I appreciate you letting me into your world. If you would look at my iMap you’d find that my biggest motivator is helping people. I’m imagining these tips doing that and I’m deeply grateful. Happy Thanksgiving!