More Social, Less Media

It’s Monday and that can only mean one thing.? It’s time to share!!? Ok, it can mean other things, but if you’ve taken off for the holidays and are only reading this on a random Thursday night because you can’t sleep is ok too I guess…

While I love that you read my words in written form, as usual, if you would rather listen, in either of Canada’s official languages, click here: People Power Everything Podcast (Version Francophone)

Over the past years, I am sure you’ve noticed that your social media feeds are a mix of things you want to see about friends, colleagues and family, and A LOT of ads or suggested things we might like, which is code for more ads.? I counted on my Facebook feed and fully 55% of all posts I see on my timeline are ads.? I was a little surprised it is literally the majority, but I have to admit that I now don’t expect to actually interact with people on the platform anymore.? It is a massive dump of advertising that brings me absolutely no value.? A platform that I have used to connect to other humans in far away places, that helped me to reconnect with childhood friends who have become friends again, is now next to useless.? It made the founders and investors billions but made us the product in the process.? Now, with such a morass of crap waiting for me when I connect to check in with friends, the search button has become my go to.? I check to see recent searches to see if anyone close has posted recently (they will have a little blue dot next to their name) and only look if they have.? Otherwise, I just use the messaging platforms to connect directly. ??

LinkedIn is more useful to me but has become a litany of “AI” generated stories and posts whose length and complexity rival manifestos. The jokes about how people talk about their jobs reminds me of my job as a teenager.? I was truly honoured to be nominated as “chief waste disposal engineer” for 3 hours at McDonald’s when assigned to work the lobby.? I also learned so much from being an “Operational Specialist in Culinary Assembly and High-Volume Meal Production at a Global Quick-Service Restaurant Chain”.? We used to laugh at those silly long titles that seemed truly ridiculous at the time.? Now, we live in them. There is almost a requirement to do so as well if you want to impress the recruitment bots.? I do love the “What If Darth Vader had a LinkedIn Profile” meme.?

I won’t even get in to Twitter (X), the massive dumpster fire of hate and chaos. Snap can be fun from time to time with my daughter, and Bluesky seems to be a worthy new entrant, but the jury is still out, not to mention that it is still going to be the same not so random feed of one-liners that will only be valuable if we reach out and make it real.?

With all that, I must really hate social media.? Nope.? I still love it.? I have never thought of social media as the end in itself.? Sharing is fun but I have always wanted to make the connections real. ?I want my pictures of Mexico to inspire people to join me next time or go on their own and experience what a great country it is.? And I still find people I knew long ago, reminisce, and most importantly reconnect.? PS: I learned recently that nostalgia is a good thing from a well-being perspective, so if you find yourself remembering the “good old days”, good on ya! Just use that to bring the social bit to life through it. ?I believe wholeheartedly that we can still use social media for good.? We just need More Social, and Less Media.? I have reconnected with friends I played computer games with as a kid.? I have kept in touch with friends that moved away, and those who are still close, but in this age of what Sherry Turkle calls “Alone Together”, no matter how close people may physically be, there is still a distance.? Here are a few examples of how I have used social media to make new IRL connections I probably never would have otherwise.

During the spring of 2009, Twitter and Facebook were only a few years old.? In those early days, the relatively early adopters were staying up late on the day we could get vanity URLs, meaning that my profile on LinkedIn can be easily found at https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/johndallas/ See that “johndallas” at the end?? That was an epic battle!!? Actually, it was just being online at the right time and quickly clicking.? ??? On Facebook, I was a little too slow but got “jdallas”. During that heady time, there was one of the John Dallas’ vying for the coveted online vanity plate that decided to create a group of people named John Dallas.? We were brought together by nothing more than our name, which while uncommon does not mean we are closely related at all.? I connected with them and am now “friends” with 7 other John Dallas’s.?? One is a retired pastor from Georgia, USA.? Another is a farmer in Illinois.? Then there is JDC (John Dallas Chicago), who put the group together in the first place.? We got to chatting a bit and I was headed to Chicago on a road-trip, so I reached out and proposed we say hello in person.? He accepted and we became friends.? I returned to visit him the year after, and we have stayed in touch since.? We had dinner recently, once again turning the connection from media to social.? On the same road trip, we headed to New York City, where a few months before I had made contact with an amazing journalist by the name of Clive Thompson.? Both being Canadian boys was the initial link and when I proposed a beer, he accepted.? We chatted for an evening and stayed in touch.? We’ve seen each other several times, the last being just this year in Brooklyn where we reconnected once more, shared a beverage and stories about our lives.? It’s amazing to have friends in these awesome cities and be able to use social media for augmenting our ability to be social. ?

Over the years, I have either developed more self-confidence or learned how to be more social.? It is probably a combination of both. Now when I travel, my friends joke that I will talk to anyone.? I have somehow become comfortable talking to strangers.? I am not quite sure exactly how that happened.? I used to be an introverted kid who couldn’t muster much courage to introduce myself, let alone carry on a conversation. I am under no illusion that the people I talk to will be my best friends forever or even be there in 5 minutes, but so what?? I want to have a positive experience that involves people.? I keep saying that People Power Everything and I really really mean it.? I believe that relationships, talking to people, inviting friends over, visiting each other more, keeping in touch, and yes even talking to strangers, are all part of what being a human is all about.? And, just talking to people, making some sort of connection, has helped me in all sorts of ways.? I learn, I share, I understand, I empathize, I help, I accept help from others.? Over time, I became the “I know a guy” guy, which would just be bizarre to my 10 year-old self.? I am grateful that I have evolved.?

Since I want to give you a reference, so you believe this isn’t all just my opinion, here are a few books that come to mind:? Sherry Turkle's "Alone Together" and "Reclaiming Conversation" examine how technology is reshaping human connection and self-awareness, often at the expense of meaningful relationships. Digital tools promise greater connectivity, but they frequently bring emotional isolation by replacing deep interactions with shallow, performative exchanges. Why are you posting that picture?? Is it to share joy or show others that you are doing ok, when maybe you really aren’t.? I once told a friend that social media is a mask, a fa?ade of who we are behind the curtain.? The change to interactions mediated by technology not only reduces empathy but also undermines our ability to engage in just thinking, leaving us constantly distracted and disconnected from ourselves.

To counteract these effects, Turkle emphasizes the need to reclaim undistracted, in-person conversations as a cornerstone for building empathy and authentic relationships, as well as enhancing emotional well-being.? At the same time, she also says that we need to “develop a capacity for solitude to be able to build the capacity for sociality”.?? In being ok with just ourselves, we can have better conversations and relationships.? There are a few quick ways we can all take to be better:

·??Take a walk.? No headphones or calls while walking.? Just walk.

·??Sit.? If you want something to do, watch a tree.? Just sit with your own thoughts for 10 minutes.? It’s not much but makes a difference.?

·?Put down the phone.? Act with intention to have real conversations without distractions.?

·?Don’t blame the kids.? Their parents made them that way.? And as my friend Clive says “You know who’s really addicted to their phones?? The olds.”?

·?Lime with others.? In Trinidad & Tobago, this is the art of doing nothing while sharing food, drink, conversation and laughter.? No phones, just lime.? ??

As humans, we need to be social. It’s part of who we are as a species.? Don’t fight that feeling.? Embrace it, talk to strangers, share your ups and downs with friends, lime with others whenever you can, and just be nice to people.? It’s just logical since People Power Everything.

Here is how I will put myself out there.? If you comment or send me a note, I will commit to scheduling a coffee with you.? If we can do it live, all the better, but virtual will work too.? As long as we are sharing a space, even if it’s on the phone, but committed to being fully present.

I hope you have a happy holiday season. Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Birthday Sir Isaac Newton (Actually born on Dec 25, not like the other guy...). Peace on earth and goodwill to all people.

John

PS: If you like these, feel free to forward and encourage your friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, leaders, staff, and even mortal enemies to sign up to THE LIST and subscribe to the People Power Everything Podcast which has bonus material from time to time.

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References:

Layous, K., Kurtz, J., Wildschut, T., & Sedikides, C. (2021). The effect of a multi-week nostalgia intervention on well-being: Mechanisms and moderation.. Emotion. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000817.

Sedikides, C., Wildschut, T., Cheung, W., Routledge, C., Hepper, E., Arndt, J., Vail, K., Zhou, X., Brackstone, K., & Vingerhoets, A. (2016). Nostalgia fosters self-continuity: Uncovering the mechanism (social connectedness) and consequence (eudaimonic well-being).. Emotion, 16 4, 524-39 . https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000136.

Thompson, C. (2018, April 3). You know who's really addicted to their phones? The olds. Wired. https://www.wired.com/story/gen-x-adhd-screen-addiction/

Turkle, S. (2011). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. Basic Books.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in a digital age. Penguin Press.