Be more inclusive in coping conversations with colleagues

Hey working parents – Are we being inclusive enough in our conversations about working from home? Covid/ Quarantine/ Lockdowns and suck for everyone but our team conversations don’t always reflect …

• Colleagues caring for the elderly
• Colleagues living alone and now going unhugged for months on end
• Colleagues suddenly unable to seek treatment for health conditions
• Colleagues with partners now out of work
• Colleagues unable to gather to seek spirituality
• Colleagues struggling with addiction
• Colleagues with rowdy roommates
• Colleagues caring for their pets PLUS the pets of friends/relatives unable to get back ‘home’ due to border closures
• The list goes on! We are all struggling

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a parent too. Like many of you I can talk about the crazy juxtaposition of home and work 24/7 but, realize that when we do so, we may be alienating others. So, try these tips as you seek to be more inclusive in your coping conversations with colleagues:

1. In groups talk about a different challenge + ask a question: No one has just ONE lockdown challenge. Occasionally sharing a non-child related one may make it ok for others to talk about non-child challenges. While home schooling is A LOT (I can testify #allday…), when the team meeting convo goes to the usual ‘how folks are doing’ try talking about something else (just once or twice). Eg: ‘Home schooling still sucks but…I don’t know about anyone else but I never thought I’d go a year without hugging my dad - these travel restrictions affecting anyone else?’ Asking a question like that can welcome others to join in. Why this works? 1. You acknowledge the struggles of other parents 2. Your question turns the convo to include those who may be missing travel/ human touch/ hugging their family – way more inclusive than the ‘my son keeps interrupting calls’ comments.
2. Connect one-on-one: Remember that team membership is based on individual connections: These coping challenges don’t always surface in a group conversation. Have some virtual coffees (or other beverages) to stay connected with your colleagues! Note – this is NOT the SOLE responsibility of the team lead. Sharing care and concern is often more effective in small settings.
3. Lead with a question that is NOT ‘are you ok’: Rarely is the answer to this genuine. As Cheryl Sandberg wrote in Option B – that question is very broad and hard to answer when dealing with what I’d usually call the aftermath of change but, with this pandemic, we are ALL in the throws of change so yeah…ask something like ‘Feels like so much is changing around us (or insert relevant lockdown news etc). How are you today?’ I also like to probe for joy E.G.: ‘Adapting to this lockdown is hard – how are you finding joy these days?’ By taking these approaches you open the door for broader sharing and move beyond the ' I am ok' answer.
4. LISTEN: This is where many of us fail. When a colleague is talking about adapting to all the crap going on in the world they are literally bearing their soul to you. Please don’t use that as the moment to identify your ‘I went through something similar’ story. LISTEN to theirs. Ask follow-ups. Be present and please, avoid the temptation to text of check email during the convo.  
5. Don’t assume. Accept their answer: Yo! Not everyone is going to tell you their challenges. You are not Oprah! Accept their answers as genuine. Let them know you are always available if they need to talk/vent but please don’t assume!!!  Not because someone is living alone does that mean they are lonely. Equally not because someone is a parent does that mean they are struggling. Also, unless you are really close to a colleague (like been to their house and know their’ pet’s name close) saying something like ‘you’ve looked so stressed lately’ will make your convo go south superfast. Careful with assumptions and phrasing – you ain’t Dr. Phil either!

Hope these tips work for you. Let me know if they do. Happy #MojoMonday

About the picture: Last week I started a new job with my 4 year old literally 18 inches away from me. It’s hard but hey – bring your child to work day is growing on me #NOT (Anyone else in shock that is it only week 2 of 2021? ??)