More Impact, Less Stress - the science of success and happier living

What if success wasn't a struggle? This newsletter is my gift to you, my friend. A gift of science-based insights to help you achieve what you want in this life, without unwanted stress.

For my first newsletter release, let's chat about the science of success and why you (and millions of others) might feel like life is sometimes harder than it needs to be . . . because you are right. It doesn't have to be hard!

Success ≠ Stress

Would it shock you to learn that success doesn't equal stress? I wouldn't be surprised if this concept is difficult for you to accept. For years I struggled to embrace the concept that life can be easy. After all, most of us are programmed to believe that life is hard.

From the day you are born, you are surrounded by well-meaning people who tell you or show you that life is hard and that success requires sacrifice. Did you see your parents working long hours, maybe multiple jobs, or give up things they enjoy to provide for their family?

As you stepped into the working world, you heard that career success requires you to "put in the work" and to "exceed expectations". This is only about half true.

In addition, your brain creates your worldview from these early memories and believes what you say to be true. If you repeat a "work hard" mantra to yourself, you are reinforcing this script. This is why it can take time for coaching clients to fully accept that life and success can be easy.

It's the decisions we make based on our beliefs that create most life struggles.

If you want to break the cycle, my friend - this newsletter is for you. Let's dive into the science behind achieving success - without unwanted stress.

Re-Learning Success

The first step in letting go of old programming and limiting beliefs is allowing yourself to re-learn what success is. That also means you must un-learn a few things too! If you are impatient, like me, and want the answer right now, this quote by Henry Ford sums it up:

"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right."

You probably already 'know' this. It's also important to know "why" so you can personalize this to your life experiences. Let's chat about how to break the cycle!

The "why is important. Telling you what actions to take without giving you any background has been proven to be less effective. Your current beliefs about success - how hard or easy it is, where it comes from, and what it takes to achieve it, have already been defined for you in early childhood. As you experience life, you add extra layers of complexity.

To make this process even more fun; your brain is designed to prove you right (even if you aren't). If you believe success is hard to achieve, your brain will look for 'proof' that supports this belief. It also filters out information that contradicts your beliefs.

The good news is that your beliefs and mental programming can be changed thanks to something called "neuroplasticity". Neuroplasticity is how our brains grow, evolve, and change. Your brain can continue to change well into advanced age. However, if you don't exercise your ability to be adaptive, it becomes harder to do.

Our mental programs are developed by habitual thinking. Like any habit, it takes repetition of a new concept to shift mental gears. In my coaching work, I have also found that simply stopping something is equally effective. Developing new habits right away isn't always necessary. Stopping unhelpful habits is a healthy part of unlearning.

To shift your Success Mindset, the first step is to stop believing that success equals hardship, sacrifice, or struggle. Successful people who achieve and sustain success in a healthy and balanced way will agree that this is true.

Embracing Ease

Achieving what you want in life does not always require hardship. To put this in perspective, here is a real-life story.

Sarah is a die-hard perfectionist, super professional, and a hard worker. She set high standards for herself and those around her. In her mind, this is how you move up the ladder. Constantly exceeding expectations and working long hours (while expecting everyone else to do the same) is a normal state for her. Sarah was impatient to get things done and left little time for socializing at work, deeming that to be for idle gossipers.

Unfortunately, she was also constantly passed over for promotions, shut out of the better projects, and more 'fun' opportunities. Because she was good at getting things done, they put her in charge of all the difficult projects that no one else wanted. She did understand what was going on. She felt sidelined in her career and stuck in a negative cycle.

Sarah was right.

She believed that success demanded hard work and sacrifice. As a result, that is the life she made for herself. Fortunately, there was an intervention. Sarah received unwelcome feedback that her management didn't see her as leadership material and her coworkers found her difficult to deal with.

It was a blow to her worldview. At first, she was angry and felt unappreciated for all of her hard work. With timely mentoring and coaching, she came to realize that her worldview was getting in the way of her success.

After several months of practicing being more personable, getting to know her coworkers, being more flexible with her expectations, and re-prioritizing her actions at work - she was selected for a leadership role in a key project. Fast forward to now: Sarah has a team of her own and a completely different approach in the workplace. She achieved the success she always wanted. In the end, hardship and sacrifice were not required.

Creating Balance

Nature demands balance. Interestingly, we humans seem to swing from one extreme to the other. Extremes do not breed happy outcomes. Those who achieve success more easily embrace the following.

Success can be easy if you allow it to be. Align your actions to harmonize with what resonates within the society you work in and what connects to your core being. Self-awareness is non-negotiable to achieving success without unwanted stress. Connecting to your values is critical to help you identify what is most important in your life so you can author a path true to your core self.

Living misaligned to your innermost values creates friction. Being aligned creates peace, greater health, better mental and emotional balance, better decision making, leads to being successful (and higher-paid) at work, and enriched lives.

Challenge your worldview. Are your beliefs supporting or sabotaging you? Enlist the aid of trusted colleagues, friends, or a coach. We are blind to our blind spots, but others aren't. Because each of us has habitual ways of thinking, it takes much longer to identify unhelpful mental programming yourself. However, other people can see it clearly!

Notice things you accept as "the way it is" in your life. While working with Dan, it was easy to see that he had embraced a Work Hard and Suffer culture very early in life. Every word he spoke, thought he had, and action he took supported this belief. "Well, I work really hard but I know nothing will come of it," he said. "Money just seems to walk out the door but opportunities don't walk in."

As an observer, you can see how this verbalization is toxic to his mindset and destroys his chances of success. Dan didn't initially think anything of it - until I told him that his brain believes what he says.

Values awareness is critical for goal achievement and alignment. It informs your brain's reticular activating system (RAS) which can prioritize the information you receive based on your value system.

Consider what you speak out loud and what you verbalize in your mind. Your brain does not discern whether something is good or bad for you. Your brain creates and delivers experiences based on your expressed priorities. Where you focus the most energy is what it thinks is a priority for you.

Information that is not prioritized gets filtered out . . . in other words, you do not consciously interact with it! The opportunities you want might be there - but you cannot see them!! They are filtered out because they don't match your worldview.

As a coach, we are trained to pick up on verbalizations to help identify mental programs that govern your subconscious and micro-actions. Someone with Dan's set of beliefs may avoid a phone call that could connect them to an opportunity or delay applying for a position that helps them see success. Likely, this person isn't much fun to be around either!

Let Go and Rise

My friend, my wish for you is to empower you with knowledge. What can you do to identify your scripts - your mental programs? If you don't have a coach, enlist the help of a trusted colleague or friend to spot the beliefs that hold you back.

If you are still convinced that success requires 'hard work' or continual sacrifice - ask yourself "why". Knowing where that belief comes from is key. It could be something you adopted once you moved into the working world. However, the more strongly you reject the idea that success can be easy for you, the deeper that program runs for you.

Do you want to develop a healthy, balanced life doing something you enjoy and feel great about?

Consider what you saw when you were growing up. Did your family have a healthy, balanced relationship with work, with money, with the idea of success? Was success only for a 'lucky few' or those of a certain status? Did your family believe that self-worth was defined by, in part, hard work?

This was certainly the case in my family. Those who took time for themselves were considered lazy. If they spent money on vacations, they were selfish or showing off. To this day, it takes intentional focus to allow myself to rest and consider my needs. Every time I plan a vacation I remind myself that life is for living - not for wishing that you had lived more.

Obviously, there is a lot more to this subject and much more to discover! I look forward to sharing how neuroscience, brain-based coaching insights, and behavioral science can help us all live happier lives each month!