NO MORE GOOD/BAD BINARY

By Sara Barnes

We've been taught to think of most things in terms of the binary:

Right ? Wrong

Wonderful ? Despicable

Angelic ? Devilish

Acceptable ? Unacceptable

Oftentimes, our instinct is to choose a binary side -- calling something good or bad: 'beets are SO good!' or 'no way, I CAN'T STAND collared shirts.' And having your own opinions is great. But I'm not here to make a point about food and fashion choices.

My point is about inflexible, rigid and hardened judgment, dividing things categorically into good and bad categories.

Conflict and the good/bad binary

The binary is overly simplistic. Humans are a mix of good, bad and a little in between. And if you find yourself judging; try pushing past the binary.

For example, instead of 'She’s a bad person.'?It sounds like: "I was always taught you should pay your debts, but I don't always manage to do everything I was taught, and I've made mistakes before. I'd like to know more about what happened to understand more fully."

Conflict is fueled by the good/bad binary

If you want to perpetuate conflicts, then stick with the good/bad method. You can be sure to have lots of conflicts that way.

If you'd like to get better at resolving conflicts, consider unlearning the good/bad binary way thinking. Focus on processing information without judgment, with an open mind toward others, and with interest in the complexity and unexpectedness of our fellow humans.