More Gentle Men

I intentionally delayed this issue so that it could coincide with International Men's Day.

It's a day dedicated to acknowledging the issues men face and their contributions to the world.

You may recall that I made July "Men's Month" and every day in July I shared a post intended to celebrate and support men and the role they play in making workplaces (and the world) better, so I'm not going to use this issue to do that.

Instead I'm going to do something that most women don't usually do. I am telling men what it's like to be a working woman. Wait! This isn't going to be a rant about how difficult it is to be a woman at work; I promise it is going to be about something truly wonderful for all of us.

But first, I would like to level-set on the prevailing social gender norms we live with daily:

• Women ARE NOT expected to be the primary breadwinners or have big careers, when we do we are the exception, we are celebrated. We achieve in spite of it being harder for us.
• Women ARE expected to be the primary caretaker of domestic tasks, i.e. home and family.?

This is why the concept of "work-life balance" was created -- because women who choose to have careers are still seen as the domestic caretaker, leaving them responsible for balancing two major social roles when men only have one.

Women who choose careers find themselves very isolated in business, particularly in the most powerful, wealth-creating industries such as finance, technology, and manufacturing. They work side-by-side every day, with and for executive men who mostly have wives without careers.

Now that we are on the same page as to the historical challenge, let me share with you how women have responded to this challenge and how grateful I am for what it has done for us:

• When women are successful they experience authentic pride.? We have achieved despite the challenges we face. As long as we get past the self-doubt that often creeps up when you do something in spite of the odds, we can find a type of pride that only comes with surmounting the seemingly insurmountable.
• Women foster deep friendships. We have other women with whom we share our vulnerabilities. We will tell other women when we are depressed, insecure, jealous, angry, bored, and ready to quit (job or other bits of life!) We also share our wins with each other, most often with a humility that transforms into true pride when our friends celebrate with us. We take as much joy in our own success as we do in another woman's and we feel her sorrow as much as we feel our own.?
• Women deploy both masculine and feminine energy at work (see Toolkit below.) We have had to dig into our masculine energy in order to be successful "in a man's world", but we did that one better because we have brought feminine energy with us. At work we are logical, focused, driven and confident, but we also feel pleasure from being nurturing, generous, grateful, and collaborative.?

Authentic pride, deep friendships, and energy balance are the secret formula that working women have figured out and this has made being a woman in business truly fulfilling.

Before you accuse me of strict gender stereotyping let me say, many men can check the boxes above and many women do not, but that's the point.

If we move past historical gender stereotypes and social norms then we can have workplaces where everyone benefits from being more well-rounded, thinking-feeling humans.

This topic was intended as a gift to men for International Men's Day and as a reminder to women that we have created something beautiful out of adversity and it would be wonderful to share it with the gentlemen in our lives.

From the Executive Maven Toolkit

As mentioned above, for this issue I have dug out my cheatsheet on Energy Balance to share with you.

If the idea of "masculine" and "feminine" is too restrictive for you then change it to Yin/Yang or Right/Left. The titles don't matter, what does matter is understanding that each of us is designed differently, but we share the same breadth of traits we can draw upon.

Several times when I have shared this diagram people have pointed out that many of the most financially successful people in the world demonstrate the "Out of Balance" masculine traits.

Yes, I think that's true, so if financial wealth is your sole definition for success then that is a strategy you can deploy.? However, if you want success, fulfillment and meaningful relationships then I invite you to consider finding a better balance.

From Elizabeth on LinkedIn

My most popular post in the last two weeks was about the film screening of Deconstructing Karen which I organized two dozen women to attend in New York City.

This is a provocative film about how well-intentioned white women engage in learned behaviors that make life more difficult for women of color. You can find the film on iTunes and Vimeo as well as buy the book written by the film's creators. Next time I'm going to get a group of men to join us.? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Research and Expert Resources

Equimondo's report State of American Men 2023 highlighted where men are and what we can do for them.

Among the many concerning insights, two-thirds of young men feel that "no one really knows them", revealing the current fragility of their connections and relationships.

This is one place where women can really guide, support, and direct men of all ages. These gentlemen are our partners, sons, friends, and co-workers and they need us.

Links and Resources

Kathy Caprino , the acclaimed coach, author, speaker, and host of the top ranked Finding Brave podcast had Ludo Gabriele as the guest on her most recent episode.

Ludo is the founder of Humen Leaders, a leadership advisory practice devoted to advancing healthy masculinity in the workplace and beyond.

In this episode, they discuss the key challenges facing men today, but also how to avoid zero-sum thinking in our efforts to create gender equity.

In keeping with my film screening above, Ludo's advice is "lean against your own bias and go to spaces where you would not necessarily go."

If you're not familiar with Kathy's podcast definitely check it out and subscribe. I've been listening for years and it's long been a dream of mine to be a guest, and remember, dreams do come true...?