More Freedom, Less Independence?

Social change in urban India is a complex process. it is easy to think of change under the broad head of gradual modernisation, but at a more atomic level, this label is not a particularly useful one, as it gives us the illusion of a linear movement from one point to another. Some of the changes that are being seen around the country throw up new patterns that deepen our understanding of how things are changing.

 On a recent research project, that involved extensive travel through small town India, an interesting phenomenon was observed by some colleagues. They had gone to a family with two daughters, and when a request was made to meet some relatives that lived in a nearby village, the parents volunteered that their daughters accompany the team, along with their bhai-friends who would take them on their bikes. The ‘bhai-friends’ (brother-friends) turned out to be a couple of boys who were friends of the girls and were trusted by the parents not be up to any ‘hanky-panky’ with the daughters.

 The idea of rakhi-brothers is an old one. Under the assumed label of a sibling relationship, boys and girls could mingle without attracting unwanted social attention, but with time and misuse, the institution has fallen out of favour. Although very similar in form, the bhai-friend is based on the new understanding that some form of friendship is possible between a boy and a girl, but just to be sure, the protective covering of ‘bhai’ (brother)is added to the mix. If in earlier times, the emphasis was on the ‘bhai’, today being a friend is the operative part of the concept. The device of the bhai-friend is an enabler of good times, of a pseudo-boyfriend who does everything the original article would, without the romantic bits added. The girl gets freedom to do things that were otherwise denied to her, the boy gets to be in proximity with a girl, which might otherwise have been a pipe dream, and the parents of the girl feel comforted that their daughter has a chaperone who comes with an assurance (no guarantee, of course) of no hanky-panky.

 As a device, the bhai-friend is as yet a sporadic local phenomenon, but echoes of this spirit are found even elsewhere where young people pair up as boyfriend/girlfriend. Often, this relationship is treated as a casual and decidedly transient phase in their lives, which allows them to enjoy their youth before settling down into matrimony, which is conducted very much in line with the wishes of the parents, both in terms of timing and choice of partner. In most cases, the people in question think of these relationships as a passing lifestyle choice rather than a serious life decision.

 Another interesting observation came from a new kind of family institution that was discovered- that of the family disco. When speaking to a young recently married girl who lived in joint family and was extolling the many freedoms that she enjoyed, she pointed to the fact that the entire family would occasionally hire a discotheque in the afternoon and go dancing together. Beginning with the grandfather, down to the youngest child, everyone would troop down to a discotheque and groove to the latest Bollywood songs. Again, this kind of ‘the-family-that-boogies-together-stays-together’ spirit can be seen in ceremonies like the wedding Sangeet which has over time become an elaborately choreographed production, involving the entire family.

 Both these observations, local as they are, tie in with some larger patterns that can be discerned about the changes we are seeing unfold in India. One is an ability and a desire to separate the notions of freedom and independence, of azaadi and swaraj, if you like. Freedom is defined in terms of being able to do what one was barred from doing earlier and this is actively sought. Independence, on the other hand, is about being able to make decisions about one’s own life and this is a much more contentious space. Increasingly, people are enjoying many more freedoms in terms being able to go out more often, consume what they like, mingle with people of other sexes and express themselves physically and emotionally with less restraint. Do what you like, but do it with the family or with its blessings, is the motto, and it works for most, if not all, of the young person’s desires. The idea of independence is sought, but with greater diffidence. In some cases, like that of young girls awaiting a match, the need is a strong one, that simmers fiercely, while in others, it surfaces only on occasion.

 The nature of change in India seems to infinitely intermediate in nature. Like in the case of the bhai-friends, the desire is to escape the double-bind presented by tradition as well as modernity. Finding one’s own mate independently is deemed culturally undesirable while not having a boyfriend in today’s times is socially unacceptable, and having a bhai-friend allows for an intermediate solution that accommodates both sides while creating more room for the individual. Societally, the granting of more freedoms is traded for the continued denial of personal independence, and this intermediate solution represents progress but keeps definitive change at bay.

 What it also underlines is that there is a need to move beyond simple binaries to understand how people across the country are responding to change. Social mechanisms are being re-imagined to take greater note of the individual, but they stop short of ceding control to the individual. What is certain is that people are trying to find newer and more innovative mechanisms to align social institutions with the reality of their own lives. New social customs are being manufactured, and as a sign that society can be made flexible and more adaptable, this is good news.

(This is a slightly modified version of an article published previously in the Times of India)