More EI Earlier Could Fix Blind Busyness for Women and Lead to More Women CEOs

In the previous edition of THE CEO ELEVATOR? I was sharing why I believe that we as individuals, companies, communities, and society must start investing in emotional intelligence for women earlier than today.

Let me tell you now why such an investment is, in fact, vital for our future

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The Seven Stages of Growth of Wise Women Leaders?

Earlier this year I shared a model of becoming for women based on my observations and work with women leaders over the last 14 years.

The model is quite simple and it is called THE SEVEN STAGES OF GROWTH OF WISE WOMEN LEADERS?.

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Here are the seven stages:

IGNORANT INNOCENCE.

I notice this stage in very young women or in extremely emotionally immature women who strive to succeed by behaving like men. The claim here is: "There is no such thing as patriarchy and the gender pay gap. Just look at me - I got all I have because of me. YOU and your quotas are part of the problem because you talk about this."?

BLIND BUSYNESS

In this stage the same women who don't believe in patriarchy end up working 16 hours, for their company AND at home. They are never emotionally available, nor present. They are simply too busy to stop and wonder: "Am I doing the right thing?!"

IMPERFECT INSIGHT

This is when women start to feel something IS wrong. How come my partner calls babysitting the time he spends with our kids, even though he is their parent? How come he earns more even though we have similar qualifications and we graduated from the same school? How come I am punished for being a mother by being paid less? How come my income takes a nose-dive the moment I accept more unpaid labor at home? This is the moment when women start reading, listening to podcasts, or attending conference. This is the space of mighty complaining: "It's their fault."

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AWESOME ANGER

This is the phase at the bottom of the pit. "Enough is enough!" This is the phase when women start shouting: "Pick up those damned socks from the floor, I am not your mother!" and "You better pay me what I am worth or I’m gone." Blessed, beautiful anger - the mother of all transformation.

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CREATIVE CONFUSION

Yet, the work is not done by far. As always after an anger outburst, we withdraw and feel sad. We start to question everything. We doubt - our partners / bosses, our choices, our life. We don't see the way forward. Here the question is: "What the hell is wrong with me? And if not this, then what?"

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INFORMED INTENTIONALITY

Fortunately no fog lasts forever. As we move through phase 5, little glimmers of insight start to emerge. We understand that, in order to have what we want, we need to act. The more action we take, the more empowered, healthier, and more self-confident we become. This is the area of major changes. The message here is: "I’ve got this!"

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SPECTACULAR SUCCESS

Last but not least, this is the stage when Life comes to reward women for moving through all phases of development thoroughly. Wonderful people, things, and situations come together to create amazing moments of spectacular success women may have never dreamed of. This is when women start yearning to give back. Our soul, now mature and well-rounded, knows when to act and when to stop. The prevailing emotion here is gratitude and the key message: "Thank you!"

What Happens If We Don’t Support Women to Move Through These Seven Phases Mindfully?

Two things can happen, in my experience:

1.????? We end up with emotionally immature, accidental leaders, and

2.????? Women quit the workforce to look for emotional nourishment and maturing elsewhere.

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Remember that in the previous article I was talking about what happens when we invest ONLY in people’s functional skills up to the age of 30 – 35??

Well, what happens is that people learn to behave like machines good only for the output they produce (were you looking for the root cause of pretense that plagues so many company cultures today?).?

Plus, the same people with functional skills only often get promoted BECAUSE of their functional skills, not THANKS TO their people management skills.

Promoted once, promoted twice… and still nobody wonders why people underneath them, in their projects and teams, suffer and deliver low performance in a state of constant tension. ??

This cycle of promotions based on functional, not people management skills can go up to the level of CEO.

Sure, by now we can expect the women to have attended at least some leadership training, but this is where the toxic aspect of the people development industry comes into place: many programs that are sold as “leadership” are, in fact, training people in basic managerial skills like communications, feedback, presentation skills, meeting facilitation etc.?

These are skills that should be trained properly by the age of 30, people. Please, for Christ’s sake, let’s stop calling basic managerial skill development programs leadership.?

Back to our sheep, in this scenario the woman who gets away with a lack of EI and gets promoted because she is functionally effective ends up as an accidental CEO.?

How does that feel inside??

Like a car running on deflated tires. There is no air inside, there is little to nothing to keep them going. Which is why so many women check out of leadership as soon as they can.

“By the age of 50 I will be materially settled and I’m gone. Once this mandate is over, I’m done with this,” a woman CEO told me recently.

I felt like the father in the biblical parable must have felt when his sons came back and showed him what they did with the coin they were given upon birth. “I got one coin, here it is back. I’m done.”

What a waste for our world…

Not Done Yet...

There is one more scenario, unfortunately with a similar outcome.

In this second scenario women don’t get away with their functional skills. They don’t get promoted and they don’t get paid properly, which is why they start looking for fulfillment and emotional nourishment and growth elsewhere – in traveling and a nomadic lifestyle, in an excessive emotional reliance on family members, in maternity, in women circles and esoteric traditions etc.

Once women get into this mindset in which any thought of professional growth, accomplishment, and joy feels abrasive, that’s it – they are gone. And we will never get them back into corporate leadership.

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So, What’s The Solution?

Invest early on in your women’s emotional intelligence.

This is it and it’s that simple.

In the next editions I will talk about the components that could be part of a solid and robust EI and personal leadership development program for young women (and men) that could nurture their future real leadership skills. And we will look for solutions on how companies can free resources – attention, time, and money – to shift their focus into this more sustainable people development direction.

But until then I want to pass the baton to you. I would love to hear what you have to say on this topic. I rejoice in every comment and my thought leadership gets enriched by your perspectives. Thank you for reading THE CEO ELEVATOR?!?

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? Visit my personal website for more blog posts and case studies mapping the becoming of women CEOs: www.cristinamuntean.com.