No More Complaining

Do you ever find yourself complaining about the people around you? Do you sometimes find them difficult, unreasonable or frustrating? It’s an annoying aspect of modern life that we seem to be surrounded by so many people who fail to live up to our expectations. And this very common reaction also reveals the unexpected source of the problem: we’ve been conditioned to judge people and we're ready to pass judgement all the time.?

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.

-?????? Wayne Dyer

We’ve all been programmed by our upbringing and by local social conventions to judge everyone we encounter. Have you noticed how easily you assess everyone you meet? Just pause for a moment and check the thoughts and feelings that are flowing through your mind as you consider the people around you. It’s an automatic, knee-jerk reaction that labels absolutely everyone according to a set of values that were laid down during your early childhood. We judge and this conditioned reflex creates an unnatural distance between ourselves and the rest of humanity. Unfortunately, the way we judge others places an impossible burden on everyone else because we expect them to conform to a set of standards that are mostly impossible for our fellow human beings to attain.

We can witness this phenomenon most easily in the way we’ve been taught to judge people according to the way they look. Appearances these days appear to be everything.

Wherever we look, we’re surrounded by images of people that bear no resemblance to real, living human beings. Have you ever thought about that? The images are enhanced, altered, modified and adjusted until they retain very little of the person whose pictures appear on our screens. Yet, we accept this completely artificial image as some kind of representation of reality. And then we judge everyone, including ourselves, according to this completely artificial standard of physical beauty. This has produced a massive and disturbing wave of anxiety, particularly amongst younger, less secure individuals, who seek acceptance through the medium of their physical appearance. Who we are and how we are valued has been reduced to the superficiality of our appearance. Perhaps this explains the extraordinary growth in plastic surgery.

We can never judge the lives of others because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.

-?????? Paulo Coelho

It’s a major challenge within our culture but the human frailty that seeks to judge others is one of the leading causes of anxiety and insecurity and it erodes the quality of our relationships. It’s time to take a deep breath and take a step back from this all-pervasive behaviour. It’s time to take a long-overdue break from judging. Judgement interferes in the quality of our lives in other ways too and this leads us to another particularly corrosive habit. We’re referring to the tendency to create unrealistic expectations about the people with whom we form our closest relationships.

The simple fact is that we hear complaints about partners and family members all the time. It’s almost fashionable for people to roll their eyes and describe how difficult their partners can be. Yet, this suggests that the ones who are complaining must have an image in their minds of what their partners should really be like in order to fulfil their expectations. You can see the problem with this mindset, can’t you? We form a set of completely unrealistic expectations and then complain when our loved ones fail to live up to these impossibly unnatural standards. It’s a great formula for conflict, unhappiness, misunderstandings and broken relationships. Yet, despite these deeply unpleasant consequences, it still happens all the time.

I have often asked myself, what would it be like if I no longer had any desire to judge another? Or be controlled by the judgment of others? I would walk the earth?as a very light person indeed.

-?????? Henri Nouwen

If you want to break free from this destructive form of behaviour, the answer is to learn to accept others as readily as we accept ourselves.

When we abandon the crushing pressure of constant judgement, it’s much easier to feel comfortable with other people and to enjoy the pleasure of their company. Not for who we want them to be - but for who they are. When we lay aside the insecurity of constantly finding fault with others, we discover the gift of what makes each individual unique. We can learn to appreciate the freedom of individuality. When we renounce the habit of judging others, we move into a different level of personal connection – both with ourselves as well as the people around us. It can provide one of the most revolutionary opportunities for personal growth that you may ever experience. Because it is truly liberating.

The more a man judges, the less he loves.

-?????? Honoré de Balzac

There is a whole new world to explore within the realm of our personal relationships when we free ourselves from the barriers and limitations that arise from critical judgement. It’s a beautiful way to discover new levels of trust and communication. You may even be very pleasantly surprised at what awaits you. It’s certainly a pathway to better, healthier connections and a refreshing way to show your appreciation of the people around you. Try it today. Make it an essential part of your daily experience and notice how much better your life becomes when you free yourself from the habit of complaining about the people around you..

Not judging people is the fastest way to peace.

-?????? Jonathan Jackson

Are you ready for a completely fresh approach to life’s great adventure? Get in touch with us today for a free session to discover how the growing global movement for personal growth, success, change and empowerment can enhance your life. It’s fun and it’s surprisingly effective. Perhaps it’s time for you to discover how you can enjoy your life on a whole new level of happiness and wellbeing.

Greg Parry created the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.

If you enjoy these blogs, you can imagine how much fun it is to have Greg in the room as an inspirational and highly perceptive speaker. It’s a fabulous way to enhance your communication and boost productivity. Courses run from a half-day to a full week. If you’d like to invite Greg to talk to your company or organisation or event, feel free to get in touch.

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