More in Common Than We Think

This is a joint article by David Cordani and Cedric King, retired Army Master Sergeant

On the surface, the two of us have had very different paths in life, and are not the likeliest to have met and become friends. Cedric lives in the South, and David in the North. Cedric was raised by a single mom, while David grew up with parents and grandparents in the same house. Cedric joined the U.S. Army after High School, and David went to college. Cedric is African American, and David is white. We could go on.

When we meet people, we tend to notice our differences right away, and too often, we don’t get past them. Too often, we finalize our judgements about other people based on appearances and assumptions. Too often, we sub-consciously decide that people as seemingly “different” as we share no common ground, no basis for possibly understanding each other. That we must have irreconcilable experiences, opinions and values --- given how we look, where we’re from, our political parties, and so on. 

We met through Achilles International, where David was asked to be a running guide for Cedric – who lost both legs while serving in Afghanistan. We could have just run together for that first race, but not make much of an effort to get to know each other. 

We’re forever grateful we didn’t do that. Instead, we talked. We listened. As we did, we kept learning more and more about what we had in common. The importance we each place on family and faith. Our love of sports. The fact that we both “rode the bench” in our respective sports during school, and had to work extra hard to get any playing time at all. Our ultra-competitive personalities. Our love of running, of course, and our shared obsession over having just the “right” training plan in place. 

Once we made the effort, we found we were a lot more alike than anyone would think, or that we probably expected ourselves.

Another thing we have in common, like so many of us, is that we are sad, outraged and ashamed by the systemic racism George Floyd’s killing has only served to put a spotlight on. Sad, outraged and ashamed this could ever happen in the United States. And sad, outraged and ashamed that racism clearly continues to exist in this country we love and call home. 

We don’t have all of the answers. No single person does. And that’s actually part of the point; we can’t make things better alone. We can only make things better in our society one relationship, one community at a time. What we do know, and what we’ve seen in our own friendship, is that the solution has to begin with listening – really listening – to each other. Knowing that we can’t truly understand what it’s like to live in someone else’s skin – but that we can try, with empathy and an open mind. 

It also begins with recognizing our commonalities as people. To see parts of ourselves in other people who, on the surface, might seem different from us. Embracing what connects us, and the values that unite us to build mutual respect and trust, which is where real progress starts to happen. What the two of us did in forming our own friendship needs to be replicated more and more – in our companies, in our schools, and in our neighborhoods.

It sounds easy and maybe even obvious, but this is hard work. Once you take the time to listen to the other person – really listen – you can build mutual respect, trust their motivations, and that’s where positive change begins. One relationship at a time.