Moody Blue?

I wasn’t going to write about Blue Monday, but I’ve been asked by a couple of people and there were some off the cuff, throwaway comments on the radio about it this morning.

I’m not sure how far this idea has spread as it is a very British focused concept. It is the idea that the 3rd Monday of January is “the most depressing day of the year” – the idea even has an equation, so therefore must be valid.

Bear with me while I get technical for a moment. It is, as the scientists would say, bollocks.

The equation

?

It has some ideas which make some sense but that’s the problem – once we hit on something plausible (or somebody/something to blame) we tend to stop enquiring.

There are no units of measurement on any of these factors; the man who came up with it was working for a travel company at the time and this was used in their January ad campaign and while he later said that he wanted to inspire great action, I think it is reasonable to suggest that the sought action was booking of summer holidays.

The most offensive thing to me about “Blue Monday” is not the ropey cover versions (doff of the cap to New Order) but that like many labels – even if well-intentioned, usefully diagnostic and potentially helpful, it loses sight of the person at the heart of it and lends itself to others doing the same.

We all have our blend of experiences; conditions (health; family; societal; environmental etc); history; personality, and outlook which we bring to any set of circumstances and helps us to react and respond (two different things). For sure, some of those make certain outcomes more likely but even genes can and are turned on or off or find their roles moderated by factors like our environment.

Shakespeare wrote in the 17th century:

“This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune – often the surfeit of our own behaviour – we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars, as if we were villains by necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion”.

Our outcomes today are the result of actions we took (or didn’t) in the past. And this sucks when you’re trying to make a change – you’re paying the price for past Ben’s behaviour and determining Future Ben’s fate (screw that guy!). You might or might not add that last bit but we’re all prone to future discounting – thinking how much more inclined or ready I’ll be; how much less painful that action will be at some point in the future. But without work, we’re generally no more ready than we are now.

What to do? Tweak the nose of the spindly killer fish. Laugh and then look at what we’ve got. There’s an “and what? So what?” missing from the equation.

Many of these factors will mean you can’t do somethings…now. But what can you do?

Your resolutions failed? Congratulations. It meant that you tried something you can’t do at the moment.

Was it too big a first step? Was it a reasonable sized first step but too much with everything else going on?

Be curious – what’s a smaller first step that you could try? Will you? If you hesitate answering that question, where does that hesitation come from? What’s that telling you?

There is merit to doing things we don’t enjoy and don’t want to do – it grows the hub of the brain involved in goal achievement (the anterior mid-cingulate cortex to be fancy). So, William James was on to something in 1890 when he wrote

“do every day or two something for no other reason than you would rather not do it, so that when the hour of dire need draws nigh, it may find you not unnerved and untrained to stand the test”.

It isn’t a character flaw or a task misjudgement to find something difficult and the hear the siren call of quitting (indeed, sometimes calling time on something is the right thing to do – but make it an informed choice). Our systems are geared for efficiency if not effectiveness. Excess resource demands are met with resistance. We can and do grow through and beyond that, releasing and using more resources.

We can scream and bawl and generally cajole ourselves through the cold-water shock of new things/new levels. But like in negotiations with other people, in the negotiation with ourselves we are looking to get as much as possible presented in the zone of acceptance rather than the zone of rejection.

And a note on failure. We don’t target failure but also don’t lie to ourselves. The roll call of human existence is littered with examples of people who thought that they could not fail and were proved wrong.

Of course, we want more of these moments:

Than these:

But there are no unbeaten careers, no perfect records in life. So, if we stumble or fall short, the question is “so what?” Do we make a Viking funeral of our goals, or do we look to see what we can learn from this attempt, dust ourselves off and recognise that if the average number of attempts to quit smoking is 6, we could have 4 more failures and still beat the average?

It’s also worth bearing in mind that there is good evidence to support the benefits of testing before studying in terms of the efficacy of what follows. Without some prior knowledge the attempt is not likely to be passed. But, if you can avoid personalizing that fail, it helps you spot what you don’t know and offers a focus for your attention, i.e. what is going to be required.

If you’re doing something novel, whether topic, task of habit, you’re challenging yourself regardless of how easily others can do it. And, if you’re taking on a challenge, if it is to be worthy of the title, it must have a chance of your not succeeding.

So, if Monday (any Monday frankly) feels a bit blue, ponder this:

• You’re not alone.
• It isn't unescapable.
• If you can’t find anything usable yourself, seek help – friend, mentor, coach, counsellor – Each can and do play different roles, using them is part of the process and a great part if it takes you to action.
• Emotion follows action. Don’t wait for the feeling; do the thing anyway – feelings come and go but they are a signal based on a prompt – what prompts are you issuing?
• The blues was born out of hardship. That doesn’t invalidate the hurt or the music, and it gave rise to so many different styles of music. Find your expression.?