Monthnote: January

Work

2024 started off with something of a bang as I departed from my team. Unfortunately it was a poor cultural fit for me and the pressure of the programme weighed heavily. The stress I was experiencing dramatically changed my mood, my sleep pattern, my appetite and my motivation in November and December, and I knew I needed to change my environment. I’m gutted this opportunity didn’t work out, as the subject matter was fascinating and I took to Product like a duck to water. I’m grateful to the leadership team for releasing me and allowing me to prioritise my mental health.

Now I’m in DLUHC’s ‘Digital Front Door’ team, floating around the place picking up bits and bobs and generally trying to be helpful. We do advisory work, facilitation, and spend control management. It has been lovely to be reunited with Jessica Riley and I also get to work with Gemma Matthews for the first time, who is a human ray of sunshine! In fact the whole team have been very friendly and welcoming.

Something I have struggled with - both in my previous team and now - is starting a new role with an established reputation. I know this is a nice problem to have, to receive a bunch of compliments on your first day, however it feels like it piles the pressure on. I feel an expectation to be brilliant straight out of the gate, when right now I only have the energy to be competent. I am trying to remind myself that it’s early days, that most people only settle in and make an impact once they’re months into a role, that I set far higher expectations for myself than of anyone else… yet it’s still hard.

I’ve had a few conversations with trusted folks about my aspirations and what I’d like to do next, since I was on a BA>PM trajectory until my handbrake turn in the New Year. The truth is that I’m not sure where I want to go, as I can envisage multiple pathways that would bring me happiness and fulfilment in my work. I’m taking my time and not rushing into a major decision as I know my residual stress is likely affecting my judgment.

As is tradition, on the third Saturday in January I travelled to London for Govcamp. This was my first time as a regular attendee as opposed to a campmaker or organiser. I spent the entire in day in ‘corridor camp’, mostly catching up with people I already knew. This may not be entirely in the spirit of the day, but given all the turbulence in the day job I wasn’t in the mood for surprises or intense session topics. I commend the organisers for trying something different and opening up the event to a wider audience; it was great to see so many friends as well as debutantes. I did, however, wish for more sound proofing at the venue, and I had to leave early because the noise levels and basement lighting gave me a headache.

Music

Total: 7 rehearsals, 1 concert. A relatively quiet month.

We welcomed two new players to the band which caused quite a stir in the banding community.

I’ve booked a few piano accompanying gigs for the spring which I’m looking forward to. Whilst most of my performances these days are on percussion, I’ve been playing piano considerably longer, and both instruments require similar ensemble skills.

Crafts (aka the knit knote*)

The Chaos Jumper? received so much attention on Bluesky** that I’ve decided to make another. I’m using the same pattern as a base, however I’ve had to make my own chart for the front panel — hooray for spreadsheets.

Intarsia projects aren’t easily portable so I’ve also been working on a headband/ear warmer and matching gloves. I knit most of the headband on the journey to and from our directorate away day last week, and it was ideal for a cramped train: small, no fussy details that would risk dropping stitches, and a repetitive pattern that didn’t require me to constantly refer back to the pattern.

Just for Fun

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to have more fun. I’ve always been someone who laughs a lot, who finds joy in small moments, but I lost a bit of that sparkle at the end of last year. Some things I’ve been doing to get my joy back:

• I enjoy cooking, and I’ve been making a conscious effort to try new recipes. I’ve made seven new things in January, including pea and ham soup (from the Good Housekeeping cookery book), air fryer arancini and chip shop curry sauce.
• Belting out musical theatre tunes at the piano. My current favourite is ‘Pulled’ from the Addams Family.
• A second visit to the Fortune Theatre to see ‘Operation Mincemeat’.
• I allowed myself to get swept away in the furore surrounding the Darts World Championships and ‘The Traitors’. I’ve also rewatched a few ‘00s rom coms this month and the new series of Queer Eye.
• An absolutely delightful cake date with Annie Crabtree .
• My previous team rejuvenated an old slack channel which I’d forgotten to leave. It’s been fun to linger and join in with some of the less serious conversations (mostly about toblerone… There is a convoluted back story here, whereby toblerone has become an integral part of my work personality).

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*Thanks to Matt Jukes for the name :)

**I’m @cocochan.bsky.social. I have a few invite codes if you’d like to join, please feel free to DM me for a code.

Photo captions continued: Bottom left: Lego duck, which was part of a prototyping exercise at our away day. Bottom middle: Cartoon drawing of an owl. My attention span wanes considerably when listening to presentations, so I did a few sketches to keep my hands busy. Bottom right: My lanyard from our away day.