Monthly Metaphor: Crossing Over for a Change

My wife and I needed to go to the Post Office the other day and so we took our dog, Teddy, with us for a nice morning stroll. Along the route my wife had an idea that she would continue, beyond our visit to the Post Office, through to our local town centre to pick up some items that she needed. This would also secure some much-needed daily exercise. Since I had a zoom meeting scheduled, I said I would head back home with Teddy and see her when she gets back. Teddy is still a puppy and so we must avoid excessively long walks until he’s strong enough to do so.

We had a plan, which in principle was straight forward.

Add to this that my wife is, in fact, Teddy’s favourite person in the whole world - things didn’t quite go as smoothly as planned.

As my wife said her goodbyes, Teddy was heartbroken. I encouraged him to start walking and reluctantly he did so although I think he was under the impression that he was about to be reunited at some point. The realisation soon kicked in that this wasn’t the case. The return leg of the outbound journey that previously took 20 mins had now took 20 mins and I wasn’t even halfway home. With every couple of steps Teddy paused to look back up the street to see if my wife was coming to join us.

The sweetness of the bond was by no means lost on me and I even wondered if dogs have ‘beliefs’ which was an interesting thought. I was also aware of my own diary and the need to get home for my meeting. I was becoming frustrated.

To save some time, I had an idea. I picked Teddy up and walked at an increased pace further along the route - the same one from which we came. Then I placed him down hoping this would encourage him to walk but instead he simply paused and glanced back down along the road. I repeated the process but what I was doing wasn’t working and I knew all to well a certain phrase that was very fitting for myself here in this moment.

I then had a realisation.

I wondered that if by taking the very same route back home if this was reminding Teddy of the fact that my wife was no longer with us on this leg of the journey?

I considered my options. An alternative route would put my desire to be punctual for the meeting at jeopardy. There was no way out of this. Teddy just needs to get over this……

Wait.

Another idea.

I motioned for us to cross over the road to the other side – and he complied.

Breakthrough.

We continued waking down the exact same route but from the other side of the road. He walked. No pausing. No glancing back. No whimpering. No frustration. The journey home was pleasant without any disruptions. I even made it back for my meeting on time.

I wondered if changing the side of the road that we were on convinced Teddy that we were going somewhere different or if it removed the triggers to memories of my wife being with us on the walk. I will never know.

My insight wasn’t just about Teddy though. It was about my own mindset.

Previously I had been struggling. I had tried changing my own mental state to try and reduce my own frustrations; however, I clearly wasn’t as resourceful at doing this in that particular moment. As I reflected on this, I was struck by a thought – all that it took was to cross the road to remove the problem situation that I was in.

One simple behavioural action. Nothing radical, yet a change in mindset.

As the author Jerry Sternin said...

“It's easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than think your way into a new way of acting.”

As you consider your own situations......

• What isn’t working for you right now?
• What different, small, simple action could you take?
• How could this positively impact those whom you serve as a Leader?

About the author: Stephen Manley is the Coaching Capability Lead for Spitfire, a global consulting firm based in the UK, US & Europe. As a qualified professional coach in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Stephen works on large scale projects as well as an Executive Coach on a 1:2:1 basis across various sectors in both UK and internationally to achieve transformational change in thinking, behaviours and ultimately results. For further information, you can reach Stephen by e-mail ([email protected]). www.spitfireconsultancy.com)