Monogamy With The Moment

I bet you won't read every word of this article, even though it would take only 10 minutes of your time. It's not your fault, the article is too long to win against more interactive forms of media that explain things quicker. So keeping focus on a mile of text is hard from the get-go today, especially when so much else could be done in that time. We, as a society, have become too distracted to accomplish what would sound easy to our forebears.

That said, blaming distraction on an excess of options is the easy way out, our inner resolution is an equal culprit.

We can't focus because it's easy not to and going against the flow takes effort. Unfortunately, many of us don't recognize this lack of focus, or worse choose to accept it as reality. But staying in the moment is crucial for growth, both professionally—by accomplishing more impactful results—and personally—by kindling deeper relations via attention and interest.

So any effort to change our behaviour is worth the pain! And here is one way to do it:

The "AIR" Method

The premise of this technique is to solve a problem by identifying not just what is wrong but also why it is happening in the first place.

You cannot fight a battle if you don't know who you are up against.

You start by acknowledging the problem as a whole, identifying its individual consequences and restricting them one-by-one with reasoning and will. In the context of this article, the problem is our inability to stay in the moment owing to a "cultivated impatience."

1. Acknowledge

As a piece of trivia, our average attention span is said to have shrunk to 8 seconds, 4 less than a goldfish! Unfortunately most longstanding popular beliefs happen to be some degree of exaggeration. And in this case, it is simply untrue.

Most experts in the field suggest that there is no such thing as an average attention span and that our focus is entirely dependent on the task. And when needed, or is of interest to us, we are capable of devoting an uninterrupted mind space. This means, our real challenge is our inability to handle an excess of options.

In fact, it has gotten worse than we'd like to admit. Most face-to-face conversations I've had in the last few years have happened with eyes transfixed on a screen (mine, the other person's, or sometimes both)! A sizeable number of those whom I worked with couldn't finish a single task at a time, with the result being a non-linear output and stress. I myself have fallen prey to this enough times to know the frustration that ensues. And then there is the urge to have lofty goals and not being able to deliver on any front.

We are simply never in the moment to make the most of it, or even to enjoy it.

Not giving one's all is a waste of that moment. It is also a reflection of us as individuals and our priorities, or a lack thereof. Were we to take one task and complete it, we would achieve less on paper but still have more done in the same time.

We blame technology and the concept of infinite scroll, but they only exasperate the problem not cause it. We have evolved to handle one task at a time and need to acknowledge that fact.

Multitasking has time and again been proven to be a "unicorn skill"—you believe in it but have never seen it in the wild!

On a personal level, our inability to pursue one activity for an extended duration has also diminished our will to cultivate a lasting passion. Think back to your younger days and count the things you said you wanted to do but did not. We could still learn that musical instrument, we could still take up that additional course, we could resume that hobby that brought a smile to our face.

There is no denying, we give up a lot alongside our focus.

2. Identify

If you are determined to win back your concentration, you'd need to do a tough thing first—take a deep look at every action you take for the next few days.

You have to identify every instance of not focussing in the moment and note it down. This is not the time to reason with or defend them, just to observe when such instances occur.

If you need a head start, here is a handy checklist of violations:

• Scrolling through your phone while the TV / computer blares in the background
• Constantly interrupting a mundane task with other activities
• Glossing over text because it is too long or is just another chore
• Not finishing a thought in your mind, or pausing it for something more interesting
• Thinking about your response while someone else is speaking

Yes, not paying attention while someone else is talking is also not being monogamous to the moment. Apart from being hurtful to the speaker, it is an effective waste of your time as you learn nothing new from a conversation by listening to yourself.

Once your list is ready, this next step is essential: You need to identify why you find it hard to stay focused. You do this by going through your list and trying to understand the reason behind each entry. Even defending or dismissing some of them as unavoidable is fine as long as you identify them. If you are aware of them, maybe one day the willpower to tackle them shall come on its own.

Here is a sample checklist of insights, which identifies common reasons behind violations:

• I wasn't doing that task by choice
• The task / the speaker was boring (and I'm only human)
• There is only so much I can concentrate on at a time
• That instance of non-focus was a result of a bad day and excess stress

Each reason is valid and understandable. But to fight for our focus, we need to learn to stay in the moment despite them. This brings us to the final section of the AIR Method.

3. Restrict

Equipped with a grip over the types and causes of our distractions, we can now take active measures to arrest such behaviour. The goal is to restrict the excess of options we have or if unavoidable, minimize our exposure to them. Here are 4 ideas on how to do it:

(a) Devalue The Notification Bell

This is easier said than done. Under normal circumstances, we tend to want to respond to a communication at the earliest. And coupled with a genetic desire to be part of a social circle, deep down we value interaction over action. This is why red badges over app icons have such an allure. The trouble is most digital interactions are non-immediate.

If we are honest with ourselves, we know most emails do not need an immediate response and many chat messages are informative in nature than actionable. This reduces our need to interrupt our current activity to respond. It doesn't mean we ignore communication at all times without context, but curbing non-critical interaction during important moments—personal and professional—is important.

Say you are preparing a presentation and a slew of emails fly in from the corner of your computer screen. If this task is a chore, however important it may be, your tendency would be to tend to the emails first. There will always be more emails, if not, then instant messages. What we lose by responding to them mid-work is the ability to develop a rhythm.

(b) Stop Anticipating, Even If You Are Correct

This applies to learning tasks, from talking to reading to watching a video. If you know what is coming next your motivation to stay focused reduces. The result is, you lose the opportunity to learn nuances. It is as if you are sending a signal to your brain that there is nothing new here, so naturally, it will shift attention elsewhere—basically to any distraction.

I still notice easter-eggs and nuances in movie reruns, so saying there's nothing new to learn from something you already know, especially in a more serious one, is not true.

(c) Don't Skim

Reading takes effort, sometimes more than writing. So treating it like exercise helps. You don't start planks on day one, you ease in. If you have a long subject to read, it helps to break it into chunks and taking a minute's break after every two paragraphs. Over time, make that three paragraphs, then four and five, until you can read the whole content in one go.

(d) Reward Yourself With Exclusive 'Distraction' Time

Whatever you try, the biggest motivator will still be a reward. Give yourself the very thing you are trying to fight—distractions! But of course, in small doses and spread it out. Make yourself wait for them, so that it feels like an earned victory. You will not only value them more but also enjoy them. Think to yourself, do you really enjoy social media as much as you think you do? Probably not, because it is always available to you. If you restrict it to be a reward for a finite undisrupted task, you may actually enjoy it more, and even want to make the most of that time as well!

That said, we can never have full attention for every second, however short the activity may be. It is unnecessary to do so either. But by curbing our excess of options and urge to utilize them, we may reach closer to a point where we finally stay monogamous to the moment.

If you have reached this far without skipping or skimming then you've won the bet! Then again, I'm willing to raise another bet that you are part of a very small group.

~ Thanks for taking the time to read this article ~

I'm keen to hear your thoughts on staying focused. Do you have any unique distractions or insight to add to the checklists? Any feedback you'd like to share is most welcome, it'll definitely help me improve my future content!