Monica Lewinsky- Surviving the shame and the afterlife of public ridicule
Jack Murray
CEO + Founder MediaHQ, Amazon bestselling author of ‘The Magic Slice,’ Storyteller.
You probably know this already but our Breakthrough Media Moments column airs every Wednesday on George Hook’s High Noon. In this weekly column we look at the moments, some monumental others minor, that have transformed the world as we know it.
This moment looks at the patient zero of public shaming and what to do when your reputation is in ruins.
It’s March 19th, 2015 the annual TED talks conference is on in Vancouver’s Convention Centre. Monica Lewinsky stands in the centre of the room, surrounded by the audience like a gladiator in ancient Rome. Her feet firmly on the ground, hands poised and eyes expressive. She looks comfortable, sleekly coiffed and slowly begins.
Long before slut-shaming was even a term, Monica Lewinsky was its original target. Nearly 20 years ago, she found herself at the heart of a global political storm, after news of her secret affair with then US President Bill Clinton went brutally public.
The world viewed Lewinsky as a predator and publicly ridiculed her. To ‘The Wall Street Journal’ she was a “little tart”, to ‘The New York Post’ she was a “portly pepperpot” and ‘The New York Times’ branded her “ditsy”.
To late-night talk shows she was a never ending source of misogynistic material, she is an all-time favourite on Saturday Night Live. Her name, not only the punch-line of countless lewd jokes but is also mentioned in over 120 rap songs.
Monica Lewinsky was born in 1973 and grew up in the affluent Westside Brentwood area of Beverly Hills. Neighbours and acquaintances recall the Lewinsky house, being an unhappy one, and the parents separated in 1987. Court records in Los Angeles noted that the divorce was acrimonious. In the documents, the Lewinskys’ lifestyle is described as extravagant, including holidays that cost more than $20,000, fur coats and expensive cars.
Already seeing a psychiatrist, Monica also had weight issues as a teenager and so the bullying began. At school in Beverly Hills High, Lewinsky was called “the tubby girl with makeup”. She recalls one day when a group of girls had concocted a game. They’d say a number and it would mean something – run up and push her, make a face, or say something nasty.
She finally got to leave Beverly Hills when a family connection got Lewinsky a summer White House internship with Chief of Staff Leon Panetta. It was during this time that she began her relationship with Bill Clinton.
In April 1996, Lewinksy was transferred to the Pentagon, a move apparently due to “inappropriate and immature behaviour”. It was then that she became friends with Linda Tripp.
An unlikely pair, Lewinsky just 24, and Tripp 48, the two would chat in office e-mails, phone calls and over lunch. They commiserated about their weight, complained about their jobs and, eventually, confided about a problem Lewinsky was having with a relationship. Tripp offered Lewinsky a sympathetic ear and big-sisterly advice.
What Monica Lewinsky did not know at the time, though, was that her dear friend had begun keeping copious notes of their conversations, including over 20 hours of phone recordings.
News of the relationship broke in January 1998 on, politically conservative, online website The Drudge Report, overnight Lewinsky went from an unknown 22 year old to the face of a political and media mega storm, and her life would never be the same.
In 2015, After a 10 years of public silence, older, wiser and with an aim to add purpose to her past. Lewinsky wrote a four thousand word essay for Vanity Fair entitled Shame and Survival. As a result, she was asked to speak at a Forbes conference, and then came the golden TED ticket.
This was her opportunity to re-introduce herself to the world and to enlighten others on the effect of the stigma of shame. She employed a team in London to help her find her authentic voice and improve her public speaking.
Monica Lewinsky was back, but this time it was on her terms.
Lewinsky’s talk resonated with millions, it now gets taught in schools alongside Nathaniel Hawthorn’s ‘The Scarlet Letter.’
Her talk turned the tide on those who had publicly ridiculed her, and called them to account. She compelled them address the error of their ways. Bill Maher said on his HBO show “Real Time with Bill Maher” that he felt guilty, and again defended her later in an interview with Larry King.
After reading Lewinsky’s first-person essay in last June’s issue of Vanity Fair, David Letterman responded similarly on his “Late Show” in conversation with Barbara Walters.
Since the TED talk, she has become a respected anti-bullying advocate. She gives talks at companies, and at conferences all over the world, on how to make the internet more compassionate. She volunteers at anti-bullying organisations and offers video advice on what to do if you’re afraid to go to school, or if you’re a victim of cyberbullying.
She has proven beyond any doubt that shame will only stick if you let it, and that if you are brave enough to stand up and face your detractors to can take the power back and reinvent how the world perceives you.