Money's Too Tight to Mention

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.

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Since I started my company last year, I have had the pleasure of talking about money with all sorts of women. If this was Hollywood, I have been researching Finance from the female gaze!

I talk to women young and old. College students to those long retired and now volunteering. It is interesting to me how the subject of money is taken on as a personal fault or behaviour that women believe cannot be changed, It’s “just the way I am, rubbish with money” Continuing to buy, getting into debt not having the time ?think about a life that could be very different, freer, if only they just spent some time to reflect on their relationship with money and they had someone who knew, how to help.

I wonder, for women if society and the conditioning we receive, from parents – themselves conditioned, teachers, church leaders, organisations such as the media (social and printed) and shops, growing up (especially in the UK with that tall poppy syndrome – she’s no better than she ought to be!) robs us entirely of our self esteem and our sense of self-worth. ?It is a rare woman who retains a strong sense of self through adolescence with most, if not all, finding it again through coaching, great friends, or the menopause or all three!

Ask a teenager what the best thing about them is and the answer you will get is not, their sense of humour or their kindness, anything natural about their bodies – goodness no! but eyelashes or lips or tattoos. All purchased additions to their naturally beautiful youth. So, once we have all surrendered our self-worth and we are conditioned to feel worthless or not enough, then society will persuade us to buy a cheap version of ourselves back. Normalising behaviour that comes in the form of overworking, being good, fake tanning, dieting, buying shoes, spending, nail bars or fancy cars. Men are also conditioned but have different outlets for their lack of self-esteem, equally as damaging, sometimes fatal, this is sad.

What I have noticed with the young people is a direct relationship between lack of household income and an overspend on designer gear and tweakments. Slippers with diamante on a flooding, windy day and no waterproof coat. It is better for them to look good than to be warm or dry. Walking is not a priority anyway; this has further implications for their future selves. A subject for another day!

Why do we not talk about money? Especially when it is too tight to mention. There comes a silence with having too little money and too much debt so the lack of conversations leads us to internalise our feelings and that in turn leads to stress and shame. Then this further prevents us from verbalising anything and that leads to further stress, lack of sleep, impact on relationships and lack of concentration and productivity at work. A perfect storm of hardship that is only a phone call away from being sorted. If it’s not sorted, the stress, like debt, compounds. It all adds up. Starts to affect the physical health.

Money is something that impacts us all. We cannot live without it and yet we are not taught how to use it and, good spending, savings or investment habits are not encouraged or celebrated. If we feel we have too much money, that also gives us a sense of shame when so many people are struggling. So much embarrasment, so little time. To quote Brene Brown “ Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it. What it craves is secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you stay quiet, you stay in a lot of self-judgment.”

So here come the wellbeing experts, the naturopaths, the nutritionists, the somatic healers. The wellbeing market is huge and companies, big corporations are at last starting to see that their employees have a life outside of work and need support to stay well and be productive. AND YET…. Personal finance is rarely touched upon. Financial wellbeing is the cornerstone of health for most of us. It pays for the yoga sessions, the good food, the time needed to rest and recuperate. It pays for the holidays for the babysitters and for the heating. The first speaker up should be a personal finance specialist and NOT one belonging to a bank or a wealth management company.

When I talk to older women, they too seem to not have a clue how to enjoy their money. Saving still, watching the pennies when they have plenty. Not understanding that inflation erodes their money anyway, but the frugal habit adopted from their war time ration mothers, a tough one to break, watching the smart meter as the kettle boils. It’s impolite to talk about money, just as it is impolite to talk about sex or alternative lifestyles. Not all older women of course, but I wonder what they are waiting for? Why not start a rum bar in Jamaica just for fun. Or treat your friends to an all expenses paid trip to the Azores!

Does anyone know how much money they will need when they retire or to be able to retire? Does anyone know how much they spend each month of just living? How much they earn? Do you? A lack of awareness accompanies the shame. Who do you ask, who won’t try and sell you something? … ME!

So, if you are reading this and think that you would like to heal yourself (or help your employees) and your (their) relationship with money. If you would like to be able to sleep at night knowing you are OK for cash in the short and long term. Why don’t you get yourself a Financial Coach. One who is qualified but not affiliated to the wealth companies or banks. One who sells the dream and gives you the steps to realise the dream. Someone who will set you up well on the way to financial freedom. The coaching includes both figures and exercises set to change your mindset work. It’s time to really enjoy your money. Free of shame or guilt. I can help you find, grow, AND most importantly enjoy your money.

I am a phone call away. Money’s too tight to mention but the time has come to talk. I’m talking about money, money! 80s classic. Give me 30 days and I will help you transform your financial future.

Julia Shepherd is a Financial Educator, Coach and Mentor and I am leading the way to empowerment. Contact me to help you understand that Money does grow on trees and the route to wealth starts and ends with your self-esteem. I can help by coaching you to abundance. You know you are worth it!