MONEY, A BIZARRE ELEMENT!

Today morning starts with a dismal tone. I am sitting alone in my room. Though, going through morning newspaper, but nothing is going in my head. Everywhere there is the story of killing, blood-shed, communal disharmony, conflicts and tension which made me more dismal. I removed the newspaper and stared at the open casement. The clear sky of the morning is playing a mournful tune which is engulfing me with sheer unpleasant flavor. Suddenly, my wife lalita’s intrusion broke the tranquility of the milieu. She said,’ come on, have your tea. Well, what is the name of the boy who lives next door to us? .....Oh, yes, Ramen, why he has taken five thousand rupees from you yesterday?’

I replied,’ he came for asking to donate some money for a boy who is ailing severely and out of poverty his family cannot provide the required medical expenditure. So we all are contributing little bit of their ability to carry out his treatment.’

Lalita retaliated with indignation,’ why, is it the only duty you have after being retired for nearly ten years? Whatever the little savings and pension, we are pulling out our livelihood. Who will help us or to whom we will be asking for help, when we will be at distress? You are a great fool. Two years back, your former office sub-staff came and asked for help for his daughter’s wedding. You gave him ten thousand rupees and he promised to pay you back within two months. But, those two months never appeared. It is easy to deceive you. Are you running a charitable trust? I am afraid, if you go on donating money in this fashion, what will happen to us later!’ she left by uttering those sentences without bothering about my reply.

I am also thinking one thing, that is, why people make promise? Only to break it? Precisely in monetary affairs, people’s memories are too poor. Number of occasions, he experienced how people easily forget their commitment they made while taking money. Whether money itself having the strength to make one deceitful. In every occasion of borrowing money from other, taking advantage of proximity with other, the relationship and the emotional entanglement being exploited by seeking financial assistance, keeps me in utter dilemma how the strength of money eventually impacted one with a volatile manifestation which is almost impossible for one to decipher unless monetary assistance is being dispensed to one. While pondering on people’s character, precisely how money influence them and its abstract value as well exchange value are utterly enigmatic. Money has an exchange value and in the society it reflects the relationship being guided by money too. It used to act as a medium to establish as well devastate a relationship, a duality in one. It is solely designed by the human beings to form a bonding, as well to change or destroy a bonding and the configuration of a relationship network. It cannot stay in Free State. So loyalty or disloyalty, deception or affiliation, both can be formed by money alone.

Long time back, when I was in my youth, one of my colleagues untimely died. His wife got the job in compensation ground and as she was not having enough education, she was absorbed as a sub-staff in our organization. Her name was Ramala. She had a daughter and a son. Despite she looked pretty stunning. Though I was not familiar to interact with females and extremely loyal with my wife, I don’t know how I developed a fancy for her and surprisingly an affinity developed between her and me. Gradually our relationship became intense and we shared a unique bonding which cannot be translated properly. However, I started to visit her house and a romanticism engendered which paved the way to share a physical affinity between her and me in a secret milieu. I eventually entangled in an emotional attachment and number of times I visited to her house, enjoyed a delightful company of her. I enjoyed this odyssey secretly for a considerable time and in due course, as her children became enough old to envisage the equation between us, we came to a consensus that it was high time for us to restrained. So we eventually disintegrated ourselves accordingly, keeping our relationship secretly terminated.

Meanwhile long time passed and I retired from my service. I heard that she was facing financial constraints owing to her girl’s marriage and she borrowed money from other people, but surprisingly never asked money from me. I felt relaxed that she did not asked money from me. However, in due time she also retired and I felt too contented that our relationship remained secret forever.

After my retirement I am enjoying a comfortable life. My only son is settled in abroad and seldom he pay visit to me as he is busy with his hectic scheduled life. Only telephone, WhatsApp, skype and telephonic conversation are the only means to interact with them. It is good that though they are far from me, yet it is good that remaining close but staying far from heart. We are now habituated with the change and accordingly conversant to adapt with the changing scenario. Virtual world is too adorable to us nowadays, eclipsed us in such a fashion that we seldom get any opportunity to ponder, how human touch is now fading away, yet we are helpless, having no grudge as we have to accept that reality that, changes are have to be welcomed and thus, our lives are moving on, inclining to accept more changes are in store to emerge.

Today, I got up little early. After having altercation with my wife Lalita, I went out, without telling my wife Lalita about my intended destination. I made up my mind yesterday night to visit to Ramala’s house. Since yesterday, I was in a restless state of mind, thinking about the injustice I made with Ramala. I have to apologize for my non-impulsive attitude towards her. Later, when I came across the information of her that, despite she faced severe financial constraints, she never asked money from me, as she thought perhaps that it may invite infamy and disgrace the relationship we enjoyed earlier. She silently mopped her pent up emotions, expressed her supreme sense of dignity. Her self-esteem drew more veneration for her. She is nowadays more intensely haunting me. Her memoir has triggered me to visit her house, asking for atonement. When I reached nearer to her house, I noticed her house is crowded with numerous heads. I somehow managed to make a passage to enter to her house. Her son, noticing me came close to me and hugged me with intense pathos. Tears are rolling from his eyes. He is busy arranging the rituals for her funerals. Today morning only she died. I am utterly perplexed. I could not utter a single word, not even to console her son for his loss! I only close my eyes and pray silently pray to her to forgive me for my misdemeanor.

Later, I somehow manage to drag myself quietly to my house. I silently entered to my house and entered to my study room and closed the door. Sitting in my chair in pensive mood, I cannot find any solace. Only thinking, when my time will come to adieu this mundane world, where we have resorted to numerous deceptive roles? Who we are exactly deceiving? Are we not deceiving ourselves? What we are gaining from this hypocritical trait? We perhaps only love ourselves and to satiate us we resort to myriad alibi's, but virtually we discover we continuously trying to draw a straight line on a round object, resulting us to be only hoodwinking ourselves!