Monday Morning Quarterback

“If I knew then what I know now, I would have done____________.” Or “Hindsight is 20/20; looking back, I would have done x,y, and z.”

These are things we say to ourselves and other people often when we wish things had panned out differently and because we see things way more clearly after they’ve already happened.

But what if we could put ourselves in the shoes of hindsight now to try and create that awesome future self or the scenarios we desire?

How can we create the commentary that lends ourselves grace for the decisions we made historically that put us where we are today? We’re going to talk about it in this edition of Unraveled because it’s really easy to be a Monday Morning Quarterback and harshly judge and critique ourselves and others after the fact. Okay…let’s roll.

What is a Monday Morning Quarterback?

This term was new to me before I started researching the topic of hindsight a bit deeper. I was asking myself while bathing in the self-pity of recovery and all of the feel-bad for myself moments post-cancer diagnosis as I asked myself, “How will I look back on this hellish recovery, and what good can I bring the world as I navigate healing? I am sure I will laugh at my dramatic self later, won’t I?”

So, I threw my hands in the air (okay, I cussed ) and said hindsight is 20/20, right?

Then, I felt the term “hindsight” was a bit cliché, so I googled thesaurus words for it and found the term Monday Morning QB, which I LOVED.

?It is a term that originated in American football and refers to someone who criticizes or gives advice about a game after it has been played. In the business world, a Monday morning quarterback could be someone who provides commentary on a decision made by a company after the fact.

The truth is that it is very easy to give advice after something has happened or when we know the outcome, but what about the words we tell ourselves when we are in the thick of things sucking royally? We tend not to be optimistic or speak kindly to ourselves.

What if we reframed to plan for how we would want our best selves to respond if:

A.?We won & things went well.

B.??We lost & things go awry.

I recommend you write a letter to yourself where you envision both scenarios and write out how you’d like to respond to each.

It can help give you some serious perspective on how you wish you would respond in advance so when “it” happens, whatever “it” is for you, you know how your best self would at least like to respond.

Bonus Tip: ?If you are stuck in your own head write out how you would speak to someone else or how you would talk to your child when they are in the thick of something difficult. You would speak in love and encouraging ways.

We always give better advice to others than we are willing to accept ourselves.?

Lending yourself grace today and every day (pssst I’m reminding myself of this so hard right now)

Repeat after me, “ I am not breaking down; I am breaking through,” and again for the people in the back… (ahem me), “I am not breaking down, I am breaking through.”

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If we could predict outcomes, I think that we would likely speak to ourselves with a whole lot more grace and kindness. Isn’t it so true that it’s easy to lend others grace, but not ourselves?

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Lately, my incredible husband has had to remind me often that I need to speak kindness to myself. He’s reminded me that I need to be nicer to myself as I recover from surgeries and that, of course, I’m not a powerhouse at the moment and that I am indeed beautiful (with or without nipples). In case you haven’t been along on my wild ride, breast cancer happened, then a double mastectomy, then a DIEP flap reconstruction (they rebuild breasts from stomach fat). And current state I have no nipples WELP. It’s not my favorite and also not something I ever thought I’d type on LinkedIn, but they will be reconstructed this Fall in my 3rd and final surgery. But folks, I AM CANCER FREE!!!!! ?And that is worth celebrating. So, whatever is your own difficult thing right now, please please lend yourself grace. And if you can’t do that, ask someone else who loves you to tell you what they see.

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How to treat today as if it were hindsight to spark a new dialogue

Now, if we know how we would like things to be in the future, what if, and yes, this is a BIG IF. We took the letter we wrote ourselves where we won, and things were how we would love them to be and? started flipping the dialogue (again, imagine you were giving advice to a friend, your kid, or you were on the board of directors for this future venture)

Here are some examples:

1.?I am in shape, healthy, and not a smoker. I love running. I am a total badass who looks phenomenal and awesome and has done big things to positively impact others.

2.??I overcame a huge and difficult hardship that seemed impossible and look at me now.

3.???I am thriving and better than I’ve ever been.

4.??I never would have thought I would have________(fill in the blank), but with the help of others and with my consistent efforts, I kicked ASS!

These can also be referred to as affirmations.

These tips are not “wooey” bull shit, they really are tips that are helping me as I recover from surgery and as I remind myself that the future is oh so bright, even when it feels dark.

?So, my friend, imagine that amazing future you desire. If you were a Monday Morning QB, you would criticize or give advice to someone after the fact, and that is simple.

What isn’t as easy is to plan for the hard times and the good times, the wins and the losses, and decide today how you want to respond.

?KEY TAKEAWAYS/CONSIDERATIONS

1.?Be gentler to yourself

2. Speak kindly to yourself today (not just in shit seasons)?

3.?Think about how you would want your future self to respond if you win, and again how you would want yourself to respond when things go south

4.?Write a letter to your future healthy, happy, successful self to get out of your head

5.?Write yourself into a good idea or create an idea by mapping out multiple options

Resources:

Ten Percent Happier Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ten-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/id1087147821?i=1000654219911

Monday Morning Quarterback definition & thoughts: https://www.accessa.com/monday-morning-quarterback/#:~:text=This%20term%20originated%20in%20American,a%20company%20after%20the%20fact .

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