Monday Morning Mojo - Gritty Thoughts

I am taking this training for my job called Race to Win. One of the lessons is on Grit by Angela Duckworth. During a TED talk video Angela confesses that while Grit is predictive of long term success she cannot fully understand how someone acquires this attribute. My personal opinion is that grit starts to form during the rite of passage for males.

I have said for quite some time that boys are born, men are made. I believe they are made in that rite of passage. John Eldredge discusses this moment in his book Wild at Heart, Discovering The Secret of a Man's Soul. Boys are born with this question, "do I have what it takes?" The rite starts when an influential man whom they respect places confidence in them for a pivotal task. For me, that moment occurred with my father.

Dad was a Marine Raider who survived combat on Iwo Jima. After the war he went back to college, played on the Loyola University golf team and was one of the founding members of Illinois Junior Golf. He used the game to raise men and women of moral character, many progressing to Wake Forest and the PGA tour. One evening a father of a girl my dad disqualified from a tournament for falsifying her handicap came to the house. After my father calmly explained the situation, including grace enough for the girl to report her correct handicap to the scoring tent, the girl's father said, "I just wanted to meet the man who ruined my daughter's life." I jumped off the chair to punch this man in the face, but my father stopped me. The man left quickly after that. My father was proud of me for having the right instincts if not the right action. We celebrated with “quick nine at a local rag” as he was fond of saying.

I later learned from my aunt that those same strong defensive instincts and righteous indignation propelled my father to join the Marines after the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941.

I was trusted with many critical family responsibilities throughout my teens, but none so important as the defense of our nation. My son has strong defensive instincts, as well, and is deployed as pilot in the USAF. Prior to his deployment we had a bachelor party on a gun range with some of his battle buddies (including the NCAA National Marksmanship Champion who now ironically flies the B-2 stealth bomber) and the father of his soon to be wife – both fine shots for which my son is mindful.  One of the available weapons was a 45 caliber Thompson submachine gun, the same weapon my father used in the Marines.  Dad told me that one had to fire in short bursts to be accurate.  I remembered dad’s words of wisdom and how he helped me through failures many times as I moved from target to target in short bursts with that Thompson. The Marine weapons instructor on the range said, “you did real good.” I trust my son will hear those words from his commander.

As for that girl, I believe my father did more to raise her into a woman of character than the boy who sired her. The irony of long term success is the failure we face and overcome with the encouragement of our parents or influential role models. I know my daughter has Grit in spades as she heads off soon to her dream job in Biomedical Engineering at the top firm in her industry. My darling daughter calls it, "Monkey Bar Perseverance."

Thirteen years ago in middle school she wrote an essay called Monkey Bar Perseverance, as follows.

"Do you remember the first time you went on the monkey bars? Were you the type of kid that could automatically do it? Let's say I didn't have such luck.

I was probably six or seven when I decided that I wanted to learn how. So I marched with my dad to the little park across the street a couple of times a week. I can remember looking up at the big, green, bars and wondering, 'Can I do it?'

Sure I fell a couple of times and got pieces of mulch stuck to my hands. But in the end it was worth it! I finally conquered the big, green, monkey bars. I don't have to worry about it any more and I can even go backwards! Indeed, perseverance helps in the end and proves that when you work hard at something it will help in the future.

'The God of grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.' (1 Peter 5:10)"

Now she teaches me how to do lunges and overhead triceps presses and generally runs me all over the tennis court and neighborhood streets as she challenges me to be better.

Who are you challenging to be better and supporting in their rite of passage?