Mommy, I don't think he means to behave badly...

My weekly Me and White Supremacy study group found ourselves deep in the discussions and personal impacts of the current unresolved US presidential elections this morning.  One of the members on check in, expressed how for the first time in 4 years he felt hope for the future, and that he could envision "a future to live into" if Biden becomes President.  This brought me to tears; I know this, yet I was deeply touched, both saddened and hopeful, by his words and the emotional resonance.  Another American living in the UK, let’s call her Cathy, expressed her deep sadness, and feelings of anger at the whole situation and Trump’s inexcusable behaviors after tuning into CNN this week for the first time in over 10 months. 

What I appreciate about this group is we are in a study and applied practice group about White Supremacy, and we weave in what’s currently in the space or the social systems we live within to supremacy wherever possible.  Cathy has very young children and is always bringing her learnings back to her elementary age kids in hopes of influencing change and nurturing equality.  She shared she held a mini-election with her kids, giving them ballot cards and allowing them to vote.  Her one daughter proudly declared she voted for Trump.  Cathy was distraught, and asked “why would you choose Trump?”.  The innocence and purity of her reasonings were “he’s my first President Mommy, and I don’t think he means to behave badly”.  

The words of this little child reflected back to us was profound.  Truly, unless you’re a sociopath, nobody means to behave badly.  So, why do so many of us feel threatened by the behaviors of others and the outcomes of this election, US citizens or not?     And, what creates such strong opposing perspectives where we see and judge the actions and behaviors of others as a threat to our psychological safety nets?  How also do BIPOC vote for an administration that threatens their core wellbeing and societal status were inquiries thrown out for discussion.   In a nutshell we landed on SCARCITY and for many past traumas as our basic needs, unique to each of us, are somehow being threatened or we feel something is in need of being protected.  The divisiveness, opposing beliefs, the I can’t be withs, and the how do we unite, or not, discussions ensued.

Donald Trump is the face of the systems of White Supremacy. He alone cannot take us down roads we don’t want to travel AND he’s an Archetype many can and do identify with.  So how do we unite, versus further divide, and STAY with the opposing forces or tension while holding space for one another moving forward?  How do we open our hearts, our minds and our wills, and dialogue together?

This is such a big topic as individually and collectively we look at how each of us gets to choose who we’re going to Be and ultimately Become as we move forward.  Our stories, past experiences, and beliefs are all worthy of exploration. Nobody is wrong, and nobody is right. This is the opportunity I see for us and the one I want to live and dialogue into.

We can continue to war against one another, raise our weapons of dispute and wrongdoing while perpetuating actions and behaviors that are hierarchal, biased or rooted in allyship.  Alternately, we can choose to be on more of a missionary journey, parachuting into relationships and conversations of discomfort and dis-ease and look at being “Called Out or Called in” as quoted by Layla F. Saad in Me and White Supremacy.  “Doing this type of work means you will make mistakes; you will react when being called out or in”.   This takes courage and vulnerability where together we can practice and learn to focus more on the impact we’re wanting to create in our worlds and our relationships with one another.

Do we really want to cause pain to another? I honestly don’t think so, yet as a species we ‘re witnessing how we choose to prey upon each other.  We’re also the only species capable of transforming the shape of the future by transforming individual and collective behaviors.  I invite you to read more in Otto Scharmer’s article and quote below from  The Darkest Hour is just Before the Dawn.

Wherever you are in your 2020 journey, chances are you have experienced a sense of disruption: a sense that something is ending or dying and that something else wants to be born. What’s ending and dying is often clearer than what wants to be born. But what’s often most unclear is how to move from here to there, how to sense and actualize the emerging future. What will it take to move us beyond the current condition to actually reshaping the future as it emerges?

Election or not, opposing forces and perspectives are always at play as are the deeper more inherent human and social needs to Belong and of Belongingness. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Belonging is at the top of the hierarchal pyramid of the needs.  It motivates human behavior as we’re experiencing!

In these unprecedented times I see the challenge of our current realities as the ending Otto speaks of. Conversely, is the opportunity for each of us to feel into what wants to be born through a global sense of Belonging, an eco-system vs ego-systems, so that collectively we feel as if we are ALL part of something bigger, and something more important than our personal selves. 

What’s here for you?                                  What’s your STAY for the sake of?

 What motivates you and your longing for collective Belongingness?

----------________________________________________________________________________

If you would like to stay in touch and learn more about my work as it relates to Living and Leading through Attention and Intention, please subscribe to my newsletter through the link below: https://confirmsubscription.com/h/t/AC46046735AAC283