Moments Where Leaders Could Use A Mulligan

We all have moments where we wish we could do it over. There are for all of us, moments we don't even know about, that if we did, we would go back and change them in heart beat if we could.

I have worked for some great managers, leaders, executives and business owners. I love them all. But there are some things they all have said which caused me to withdraw, want to leave, or just completely check out.?

Isn’t that weird, that I would feel all that for someone I genuinely liked working with?

Here is the deal. What they said had zero reflection on what was happening at work or on them. But when what they said collided with what was going on in my personal life - my feelings about work changed.

So, even the best can unknowingly and innocently turn workplace promoters neutral, and even into detractors.

Here are some real life things said (and not said) that could have played out better for everyone and the company.

Situation #1: Significant yawning and drowsiness before noon.

What was said: Nothing.

What could have been said: I noticed you are tired early in the morning, are you getting enough sleep at night??

What this would have communicated to me: I care enough about you and your workplace performance to take action before your performance begins to decline.

Even sedentary work requires energy, alertness, and stamina. Whether it is food, sleep, or lack of movement impacting our physical capacity to do the required work, leaders can take notice and express concerns. The conversation does not need to be about work either. If people on our team have physical health getting in the way of what we do at work, it is also getting in the way of what we do at home, at hobbies, and in our relationships.?        

Another comment could be something like this: James, I notice you are tired a lot. How is that impacting you at water polo? This is a very non-threatening comment and question. But it could get me to open up and talk. From here, leaders can offer help that will make it easier for me to receive the help. I will feel genuine concern for what matters most to me, and the company will benefit because I will be less tired at work as well.

Situation #2: Customers are being declined because of poor credit.

Unknowingly to him, because of an ambitious business venture in my early 20s, I also had bad credit that I was working hard to build back up.

What was said: I can’t believe how many people out there are so careless about their money, they are so stupid.

What I heard: You are stupid, you can’t confide in me.

What could have been said: There are a lot of resources to help these smart people get back on track financially. How do you think we can help them so they can be future customers?

What I would have felt: Life throws hardballs sometimes that are difficult to hit. But that does not matter to me. What matters is to me is that people keep trying.?

None of us have perfect lives. Oftentimes our shortcomings are a point of insecurity. This can wreak havoc on our mental health. Unfortunately, we rarely will ever know what those are for even our closest friends, let alone co-workers and subordinates.? Instead of exacerbating insecurities by talking negatively about others, talk about your willingness to lift up and strengthen other people.?

When this happens, our teammates will not feel emotionally vulnerable at work or hesitate speak up about ambitious ideas. They will feel empowered to be ambitious and forward thinking.         

Situation #3: Team meetings vs. 1:1.

I am vocal and engaged in our team discussions. In 1:1 with the boss I am withdrawn and quiet.

What was said: Nothing.

What was communicated: Nothing. I didn’t really think about it at the time.

What could have been said: James, I notice you behave differently when it's just you and I vs. when we have team brainstorming sessions. I hired you because I need your experience and knowledge. What is holding you back?

What would have been communicated: I am aware of you. You are important to us.?

This situation could have been flipped. Regardless of where I was outspoken and where I was quiet, there are reasons. For some people, they never speak up in any situation. There is a story and whatever happened in that story our self-confidence was hurt.?

As leaders and managers, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities to build self-confidence. When our team members are more confident, their mental health improves. When mental health improves, so does everything else. We get better ideas at work, more energy to do the hard things, interdependent relationships improve, cross functional teams have higher trust. Everything is better.?        

Situation #4: Executive mentoring group, personal development training.

Right out of college in my first job, the CEO invited me to be part of a mentoring group. Each week we met as a group and held each other accountable for being ambitious and doing great things. Our CEO facilitated this, and offered his insights experience to help us.?

What was said: Poetry sucks. I don’t do poetry (in response to me about to share an inspiring poem with the group.)

What I heard: You are less important than my opinions. Fall in line or be a loser.?

What he could have said: Poetry has never really been my thing, but we are all inspired by different things. I want to hear this.?

What I would have heard: You are important to me. So what is important to you, is also important to me.

None of have the same life experiences. When we shoot down other people, we take away their freedom to bring their unique gifts to the group. These gifts and perspectives will never take away from other people or make the overall result worse. But shooting them down will. When that happens we will never get the best these people have to offer.?

The primary job of a leader is to bring out the best in their people.?

It is incumbent on the leader to find out what fuels our team members and what is getting in the way.        

Paying Attention Helps Us Do It Right The First Time.

When our team members are inhibited by anything to be their best at work, our investments in them are not optimized. But more importantly, their roles as friends, parents, volunteers, siblings, spouses / partner etc is not what it could be either.

Those things limiting our potential are made evident by how our physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well being is on display.

Some of these things are easy to spot, like being tired at work. Some of these are not, like our self-confidence and mental health.?

If you are aware of the inputs your people are making into their health and wellness, you can have a good pulse on how well they are handling the challenges they face at work and in their personal life.

If you contribute to improving their overall health and wellness, you are increasing their ability to handle the hard stuff, and become their best self - in every role they play.?        

Do you want a culture where people bring their best self to work everyday?

Do you want a culture where people are ambitious and want the company to grow?

Do you want your people to stay and love the work they do?

Then ask yourself this: What can I do, what can I say, that will foster the behaviors and lifestyles that create that kind of culture??

About Better Me Nation

Better Me Nation help companies create a culture that values health and wellness. When people are healthy and happy, their capacity for growth increases. When your people are capable of personal growth, your company is capable of growth too.