Moments in Emotionally Intelligent Leadership: When Sheryl Sandberg Rewrote Lean In.

Sheryl Sandberg, former COO of Meta and author of 2013’s international best-seller, Lean In, is a strong advocate of using data and scientific research in support of decision making.

Her first draft of Lean In was proof of this. Full of research into different aspects of women at work, and choc-full of statistics on female representation in different roles and different role level, Lean In could not be faulted for its scientific integrity.

(I checked, there were 96 mentions of the word ‘research’ in the book and 27% of the book is taken up by references to sources and research.)

On the other hand, it was a heavy read.

Seeking feedback from close colleagues and friends, she was shocked when they queried why she hadn’t included personal stories in the book.

She realized she wanted the book to offer evidence that couldn’t be disputed – to produce a book based on fact, not isolated anecdote. This is understandable, given her background. Having worked at the World Bank, the US Treasury Department and McKinsey, she was evidently schooled in the importance of fact over personal perspective.

She may also have been concerned that she, or the book, may have been judged unfavorably for sharing personal experiences. She may also have been concerned about appearing vulnerable if she shared her own stories.

Her moment of emotionally intelligent leadership came when she decided to share her personal stories. She realized that her experiences enabled people to relate to her - and build awareness of their own experiences, as well as the choices available to them in those moments.

She kept the facts and figures and shared her own and others’ personal experiences. To me, this is what brought the book to life and created connection and meaning for readers.

Reading Lean In was the first time I realized:

• Other people felt ‘Imposter Syndrome’ – feeling they didn’t deserve to be in a role, or heading a project or even in a specific meeting. I hadn’t even realized there was a word for this. And over the past decade, I hear people using this phrase frequently.
• I had also taken the ‘invisible seat’ in the room (sitting on the fringes of the room).
• Other people also stayed quiet about their achievements – as ironically, it was the emotionally intelligent thing to do at the time.
• I had also been shocked when a senior leader asked me, a junior member of the team, for their opinion (undermining my valid perspective).

Reading Lean In brought a sense of relief. I wasn’t the only person with these experiences.

Yet Lean In didn’t just share the stats and stories, it also offered a way forward. It offered sound advice for women navigating the many choices in their lives.

We will never know if Lean In would have been as successful without Sandberg’s personal anecdotes, but what we do know, is that her experiences resonated with many people and created a movement.

Building on the success of Lean In – a book that had sold over 5 million copies by 2019, Sandberg began the Lean In movement. Lean In Circles unite women (and sometimes men) in a safe space where they can share struggles and queries, as well as seek support and guidance.

There are currently 56,000 circle leaders in 188 countries. Find more information at https://leanin.org/.

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Andrea Stone is a leadership coach and consultant, supporting organizational leaders and leadership teams in technology-driven organizations to be more successful, through a combination of self-awareness, self-management and self-leadership. She is a Preferred Partner of Six Seconds, the global leader in Emotional Intelligence research, tools and assessments.

She is a former leader in multi-cultural, global tech-driven organizations with first-hand experience of leading in Europe and Asia, in both developed and rapidly growing markets.

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?Andrea Stone at Stone Leadership Coachign and Consulting Pvt. Ltd.

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NOTE: There has been criticism of Lean In. Some have questioned the degree of privilege assumed in the book – the fact that Sandberg had the financial luxury of being able to decide whether to work or not. Others highlight the fact that systems and policies still exist that foster inequity. However, Sandberg clearly writes in the preface to Lean In that she recognizes her privilege and that institutions also need to up their game – but her focus is to support women control what they can control – their choices.