That Moment When...

A question I was asked recently triggered the inner eureka. You get asked a lot of difficult questions that require deep thinking, to answer. But seldom do you get asked questions that require deeper thinking, to reflect. So here it is.

“When exactly did you know that you are a leader?”

Questions like these mostly don’t have “an” answer immediately but they shape our thinking and actions, making us more aware of our impulses and inclinations.

More than 30 years ago, in high school, my best friend was running to be the School Pupil Leader. I appointed myself his campaign manager. He was smart, popular and deserved to be the SPL. His contestant was equally good but she withdrew from the race before the election, making his victory a default choice. That didn’t seem right. I didn’t want him to be seen as a victor because nobody else contested so I put my hat in the ring. I was quite confident that he will still win, after being challenged properly. Also, I felt strongly that people should never be short of choices. And looking back now, I think at that moment I had become a leader, quite unintentionally.

Unfortunately, I won. Fortunately, he still remained my best friend. I owe it to him to be the reason for me to learn perhaps the most important lesson in leadership: that victory isn’t always about winning and losing isn’t defeat. 

As I reflect back on career and life, I realise I have ‘lost’ more times and more things than I have ‘won’ - promotions, money, things, opportunities, loved ones. But in holding on to my values and my beliefs, my vulnerabilities and those few unconditional relationships, I have grown. Leadership, I have learnt, is not about winning or losing but is about growth.

And in the end, in career as well as in life, it is not about what you have but about what you have become.

(Ravinder Singh Jabbal - 33 years is a long time to say thank you, but here I am. If you’re reading this, and recognise the picture, you know where to find me!).