The Moment That Shaped a Lifetime

In a small Primary School in Streatham two little girls, Maria and Sue, both seven years old, had just finished a handwriting competition. Their class of 30 children had practiced their letters for weeks, and when the final submissions were reviewed, it was clear that Maria and Sue had the finest handwriting in the class.

Miss Brooks, their teacher, was delighted with the beautiful work both girls had created, each letter carefully crafted with skill and pride.

However, Miss Brooks faced a dilemma—she only had one prize to give. It was a new colouring book with a set of bright, vibrant coloured pencils.

She’d saved this prize for the child with the best handwriting.

She wanted to be fair, but with only one prize and two deserving pupils, she needed a way to decide.

After a moment’s thought, Miss Brooks made a decision. She reached for an old handwriting textbook, thick and worn from years of use.

‘’Let’s open this book at random,” she proposed, “and whichever letter comes up first—M or S—will decide the winner.” Sue and Maria watched and the class waited with bated breath as Miss Brooks let the pages fall open.

There, on the page before them, was a large, elegant letter M.

Maria’s face lit up with excitement as Miss Brooks handed her the colouring book and pencils, congratulating her on her win.

Sue watched as Maria clutched the prize to her chest, beaming with pride. Sue smiled and returned to her seat, empty handed.

But something shifted in Sue on that fateful day when she was only 7.

The sense of fairness she’d taken for granted suddenly felt fragile and uncertain.

Why did chance decide who was deserving?

Wasn’t her handwriting just as good as Maria’s?

Wasn’t she also a winner?

These questions, though simple, settled deeply inside her.

She wasn’t bitter toward Maria or Miss Brooks, but a small seed had been planted—a feeling of how easily life could feel unjust, unfair & even unkind when no one meant it to be.

As the years went on, this experience remained vivid in Sue’s early childhood memory. She became more sensitive to moments when life seemed unfair, whether it was a friend being overlooked, a team member going unrecognised, or a child feeling left out.

Influenced by Alfred Adler the Austrian psychotherapist’s ideas on how early childhood memories shape personality, Sue carried this experience like a quiet compass. Not fully understanding how it influenced her life from that moment on.

A winner who never won the prize.

She became someone who was always striving & working hard to win the prize that always seemed to allude her but also a person who championed fairness & kindness driven by an inner sense of justice formed from that day in the classroom.

Over time, Sue realised that she was always striving, working extremely hard to achieve, and longing to feel she’d “won” the prize but always felt it was out of reach.

But there was also a calm, knowing part of her that understood winning wasn’t always about the prize—it was about feeling seen, valued, and understood.

Her memories of the handwriting contest taught her empathy and fairness, and even as she grew older, she strove not only for her own success but to ensure others never felt overlooked or empty-handed.

In this way, Sue turned a childhood memory of loss into a lifelong strength, always striving with kindness, understanding & empathy.

Sue’s experience in the classroom, shaped by that single moment with Miss Brooks and the prize, became one of her earliest childhood memories of feeling that life could sometimes be unfair.

This memory stayed with her throughout her life, colouring her understanding of justice and fairness & influencing her sense of worth.

That’s why she champions self esteem in children so passionately & now understands why she wrote ‘ The Can-Do Kid's Journal: Discover Your Confidence Superpower!’

This kind of early memory—and the powerful effect it had on her values—is central to the work of Alfred Adler, an influential psychologist who explored how early experiences shape a person’s lifelong patterns, beliefs, and motivations.

Adler believed that our early memories are not random or insignificant; rather, they reveal guiding themes in our lives and influence our sense of self and our values.

He called these "life scripts" or “early recollections,” and he suggested that they can profoundly shape who we become and how we interact with the world.

Sue’s memory of the handwriting contest was one such early recollection, and it guided her sense of fairness and striving throughout her life.

In Adler’s view, Sue's story illustrates how an experience of perceived unfairness in childhood can create a deep-seated drive for justice and acknowledgement.

Although she didn’t carry bitterness from the experience, it shaped her belief in fairness and her desire to ensure that others never felt overlooked.

Adler’s work suggests that such memories can inspire a positive, proactive life path, as they did for Sue, motivating her to be both compassionate and a lifelong advocate for fairness.

Through Adler’s lens, we see that childhood experiences don’t merely reside in the past; they are tools that shape our values and actions well into the future, often guiding us to build a more empathetic, just world.

That little girl was me.

And thanks to a weekend spent laughing, chatting, drinking red wine with friends, one of whom is an Adlerian Psychotherapist, and sharing this story with them - Sue learnt to separate being a winner from not receiving a prize, and after 57 years she finally bought herself the prize to celebrate ??

https://sueatkinsparentingcoach.com/product/the-award-winning-can-do-kids-journal-discover-your-confidence-superpower/