Mom, what do you do?

‘I Believe I Can Fly’ – by R. Kelly is my favorite song much to the disdain of my kids. ‘Mom, get us a song from our generation, this is too old’! I have not budged an inch; the words inspire me in the moments where nothing much could. In this lockdown, they are the ones who hear me talking the most. In the beginning, one is conscious of what can be overheard. What is the impression I am giving? How will I be perceived by my girls? Will the answer of – Mom, what do you do be answered? Will I like it??

A new job, right in the middle of a pandemic is something I never envisaged. Getting to know 52 people intimately and being responsible for their livelihood and how they experience life through these times is a humbling experience. It was in the early days of this journey that the decision to lay it all out formed, 1.5 years into my role I can truly say – I am doing just that! The Zoom call is a deceptive comforter. It allows you to put on a mask where no one can catch you when in pain, angry, disturbed, or disconnected. My conversations always start with life and building a connection is important to me. Knowing how ‘my human’ feels and what each day brings forth for them is critical to me. Alana asks me ‘Why Mom do you talk so much about thoughts instead of work?’ – she always hits hard! It got me explaining – our thoughts make up how we act, and the choices we make, and those decisions affect how that person will be. The question for me always is, will I channel their highest potential or push them into that dark place most of us run to??

This is the outcome I see myself as a leader. I am not here to leave a legacy. My purpose is to make a difference. Be valuable to those I lead and give meaning to the ones who ask for direction. The pressure I have put on myself for the last 19 years has turned into an experiment. A chance to see what happens if you let a group of people decide their future, give them what they want, and talk them through their journey to seeing it to fruition. Then Alana pops into my head, ‘Mom by doing this, what if you fail?’. The immediate thought is, what if I succeed? The urge to follow the norm, change the world, and be at the center has shifted to ‘one soul at a time – pay it forward – push their envelope to find their best.’ With this, I must confess the burden increases, however, the deep-rooted knowledge that one is walking towards the higher calling that is placed on me as a leader. The reward will be fulfilling!?

So, when my girls ask me the question, ‘Ma what do you do?’ maybe I will prophesy what I would like to be – I am a shepherd who guides her sheep to reach their highest self!?

Author - Khushnooma Mohan