Mom-guilt : Finding Grace in the Chaos -2

In Part 1 - Understanding mom-guilt , we delved into the origins and the relentless pressure it exerts on working mothers, acknowledging the internal battle we face daily. Despite these struggles, let us remind ourselves of the unshakeable love we hold for our children and the valuable lessons we impart through our dedication to family as well as our aspirations.

Lead by Example: Show your children the importance of pursuing your passions and goals despite challenges by demonstrating dedication and commitment to your career. Let them see that it's possible to balance work and family life and that following your dreams is a valuable endeavor. I see my daughters and the way they apply what they have learned from watching their parents, the decisions and priorities they uphold, the way they live by their values. Many mirror what we do, some to not repeat the same mistakes we made. So, I can tell you that it will be fine.

Overcoming mom-guilt begins with self-compassion. Recognize that you are doing your best and that you are not alone in this struggle. Overcome this superwoman syndrome we have. We grow up expected to be the best in academics; it then transfers to work, and we give that 100% along with being a daughter and a community member. Then, you become a wife, a mother, a community leader, and a homemaker extraordinaire with a spotless home. I was doing everything, trying to be a perfect wife, a perfect mother, and an employee. Prioritize each day for each role as you integrate work and life as there is no balancing it perfectly. Embrace the support of your partner, family, friends, and community, and be willing to ask for help.

Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and colleagues who understand and respect your choices. Share your experiences and challenges with other working mothers who can offer empathy, advice, and encouragement.

Self-Care is Essential: Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it's necessary for your well-being and for being the best parent you can be. Prioritize self-care activities that rejuvenate you, whether it is exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with friends. Practice mindfulness and prioritize self-care to maintain emotional balance. That balance is achievable though I struggled for a while to understand what self-care means to me. "The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly – indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection." - Arianna Huffington. This is how "we CAN have it all”. It is about finding that balance, being fine with it, and letting go of the rest. Decide on your 4Ds - what you have to Do, what you can Delegate, Delay or Drop.

Celebrate small victories and let go of unrealistic expectations. Embrace the imperfect moments as opportunities to grow and learn, and understand that they do not define you as a mother or professional. Our children will remember the warmth of our love, not the fleeting moments of chaos or imperfection. Our commitment to both our careers and families will leave a lasting impression on our children, inspiring them to pursue their dreams and cherish the power of resilience. So, remember, “The kids will be fine.” They are far more resilient than we assume them to be on all the things I listed that I worried about.

One thing that wasn’t clear to me until later, as I continued to grow and mature myself, is the emotional needs. Those are far more important than any of the things we worry about. It takes much introspection to understand ourselves and to ground ourselves as mature adults. Focus on this, to know and love who you are, definitely makes it much easier for us to adapt and respond to the needs of our children. Outside of food, shelter, and education, the simple but crucial needs that children have are, to feel loved, to feel significant, to feel protected and safe, to feel that they matter. Focus on these as this is where mistakes happen the most, as imperfect human beings ourselves. Ground ourselves in our love for them. Our presence, affection, and open communication play a vital role in shaping their sense of self and well-being, even as we navigate the challenges of being a working mother. I am still a work in progress, and I mess up regularly still, in my mindset, words, and deeds, with my adult children, though I have learned so much and am able to let go. I will write a separate post if this topic is of interest :-)

Quality Over Quantity: So, Instead of measuring your worth as a mother by the number of hours you spend with your children, focus on the quality of the time you do spend together. Be fully present during those moments, engage with your children, and make the most of the time you have.

By embracing imperfection, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support from our community, we can overcome the barriers of guilt and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before. Practice it, be kind to yourself, and recognize that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs sometimes. Let go of any guilt or pressure to constantly put your children first, and remember that taking care of yourself ultimately benefits them, too. So let us cast aside the shackles of perfection and embrace the beautiful messiness of motherhood, knowing that it will all work out okay in the end.

Remember, fellow working mothers, that our stories are intertwined. let's rewrite our narratives and draw strength from one another. Together, we can overcome mom guilt and recognize that our love and dedication will guide our children to become compassionate, accomplished individuals who will make our world a brighter place.

Part 1 - Understanding mom-guilt