Mom Guilt - Dad Guilt - Parent Guilt

Mom guilt.? It is the worst feeling in the world.???

From the moment you become a mom – in all its wonderful forms – you will fully understand that to experience moments of unbridled joy, you will have feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and the pure sadness of your own limitations.? And as a working mom, you will second-guess yourself faster than a hot knife through butter more times than you can throw a stick at.? (Yes, two southern sayings - one sentence.)?

Case in point, today’s text exchange with my daughter:?

• A: Can I tell you something??
• M: Yes?
• A: Are you mad or stressed with me?? Because I’ve been feeling like you have been.?
• M: No.? Not at all.? I’m not mad at you and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.???I have a lot going on, but I always have time for you.? I always care about and love you.?
• A: Okay.?
• M: I also have had a lot going on at work that's on my mind, so sometimes if I look annoyed it’s probably because I’m thinking too much.?
• A: Ok.? I love you too.?

?And in that brief exchange, the floodgates of mom-guilt open wide.? Really wide.????

There is a lot behind that short conversation. I realize I am projecting my emotions and my daughter is the sponge who is soaking it up.? She is extremely intuitive and empathetic – she reads people well and is very sensitive to how others feel.? While this is a perfectly normal back and forth, the fact that my resting-workface is projecting to my daughter that she has somehow irritated me, leaves me feeling the ever-present pang of mom guilt.? She’s flexing her leadership and feedback skills, and I’m receiving a healthy dose of honesty. It’s time for me to take note and assess.?

The truth is, I have had a lot on my mind.? I (probably) haven’t been the most fun person to be around lately.? I feel it – and as it turns out, she feels it too.? Separating the stress of work from those you want to love and protect the most is hard.? It takes intention and being observant and in tune with your feelings.? I try to get it right most of the time, but sometimes (a lot of times) I fail.? Being “in your head” as I like to call it, does not mean that things are going badly.? In fact, I am probably the most excited and energized I’ve been in a long time about my work life – but there are a lot of moving parts and pieces and it’s not easy keeping everything straight all the time – so my mind wanders and my face gives it away.? My daughter doesn’t know all the ins and outs – she just knows “Mom looks stressed.? I hope it’s not me.”?

Mothering is hard.? It’s a full-time, weekend, and overtime job that we do while we are doing all the other jobs.? Mothering is on our mind when we are between meetings, on the way to work, while we are in our quiet space, before we go to sleep, and when we rise. Mothering is a science, practice, and an artform. It is something we will never perfect but keep on perfecting. Mothering is my greatest achievement and the unfinished job?I judge the hardest and fear the most of failing.

So on this week after Mother’s Day, to all the other mothers with resting-workface, I see you. We may not get it right every day, but we keep on trying.

And to all the dads who are dad-ing, I see you too.