Mollie Kaye: Expression and The Bridge For Connection

“I didn’t always dress like this.” Says Mollie Kaye, referring to her 1950’s style attire.? “A few years ago, I was playing it very safe with my style. I wore the middle aged mom uniform: black, semi-athletic, ‘invisiwear.’” She describes. “I wanted to belong. But blending in isn’t the same as belonging.”

“In fact, I was playing the world’s loneliest game of hide and seek.” Kaye explains. “I made myself disappear and nobody ever found me. But, when I dress like this, and someone says ‘Oh, I just love your outfit!’ We’ve connected. And that game is a lot more fun.”

“The amazing thing is these little interactions with strangers can actually help us live longer, healthier lives.” Says Kaye. “So, every Tuesday, I dress like this when I’m out and about. And I talk to people.”

“It was scary at first.” She admits. “I was pretty nervous about fitting out instead of fitting in. But this weekly experiment has transformed my life and my closet for the better. Now I definitely feel like I am part of my community. I give compliments more generously and I receive them more graciously. Mutual appreciation. That’s the best game going.” ?

Kaye goes on to ask: Why would we want to blend in and miss out? “Well, we’ve all heard the phrase ‘don’t talk to strangers,’ right? But what if avoiding strangers is more dangerous than talking to them? Researchers keep telling us there’s an epidemic of social isolation, and it’s cutting out lives short by hastening heart disease, dementia, depression and cancer.”

“What can save us is connection.” Believes Kaye. “And people are everywhere! At the gym, at the grocery store, out walking the dog. Smiles, waves, greetings and chats could mean the difference between health and disease, life and death.” She says.

The question is, where do we start if beginning conversations with strangers is perceived as reckless, taboo, and as inherently negative interactions?

“The way I dress is now my strategy to kickstart little connections.” Explains Kaye. “For me, dressing up is a big part of showing up. When I put it all together, I am ready to engage. And wherever I go, I notice other people who dare to have flair. And I say,’ woah, look at you!’ And then they say ‘woah, look at you!’ And then we’re laughing and talking and celebrating and it’s like a party.” Describes Kaye.

“You can enjoy this too.” She says. “And you don’t even have to dress like Jackie Kennedy. But you do have to build a bridge for someone to cross.”

Kaye recounts discussing her experiment with research psychologist, Gillian Sandstrom, who studies the benefits of talking to strangers. “It makes sense that your special clothing would help to stimulate conversations.” Said Sandstrom.

“It makes people pay attention. And you can’t have a conversation, unless you first make eye contact. It gives people something to say to start the conversation, and my research suggests that people really feel like they need permission.”

“So how will you give permission?” Asks Kaye. “Maybe try adding one noticeable item at or above your collarbone?” She suggests. “A pin, or a flower, a shirt with a bold pattern or a fun logo. A cool hat, glasses that are amazing, or a dazzling backpack. Really, anything that you wear, or carry can spark a connection.”

“Honestly, the fun of this gets addictive.” Kaye says. “But there are Tuesdays when I don’t feel like doing this. When I’m stressed out or feeling low, I just want to stay home and have stuff delivered.” She explains. “But I get ready, and I go out there anyway. Because those are the Tuesdays that really show me how healing it is to be seen and beheld.”

Kaye goes on to say that “When we are seen, we feel we belong. And belonging is the opposite of isolation. Every Tuesday, I’m just reminding myself that the cure for loneliness is right outside my door.”

“You may be wondering why I chose this particular style.” ?Kaye adds. “I have always been a fan of 50’s fashion, but I certainly wasn’t wearing it to run my errands. That is, until one Saturday in July 2019. I got all decked out in a polka dot dress and a pillbox hat and white gloves to help with my friend’s vintage fair.”

“People chased me down the street to tell me how much they loved that outfit! Some even said that it made their day.” She describes. “Really? The clothes I wear can make someone’s day? So, I declared to the random person next to me that I was making an official commitment to dress head to toe in a 50’s outfit one day a week for a year.”

Kaye explains how eight months later, in March 2020, even though social distancing became an official way of life, she still got dressed up every Tuesday. “It confirmed my intention to be part of my community, even from six feet away.”

?“Have you noticed, the clothes we wear, can affect our mood, even our productivity?” She questions. “It’s powerful stuff! Part self-care, part public service. Being splendid wasn’t just keeping me afloat, it was lifting others.”

For many people, months of social isolation had a massive impact on their confidence and self-esteem, leaving many feeling practically invisible, yet afraid to be seen. “Social isolation made style seem irrelevant.” Says Kaye. “People cut themselves off from connection right when they needed it the most. We got stuck in that pattern: We are terrified to be noticed. But we are dying to be seen.”

And so, Kaye believes that we have got to start talking to each other again. “It is important because as individuals and communities, we are already facing extreme challenges and that takes immense strength. But each warm connection with a stranger makes us all stronger.” She describes.

“It’s time to stop hiding.” Kaye says. “Reveal yourself. It takes courage, but when you elect to connect, you’re choosing better health for yourself and the people around you. Go ahead and be splendid. Rock your style and share a smile.” She implores. “You are the special occasion. Dress for it!” ?

In this time of social isolation and the current loneliness epidemic, we need to prioritise self-expression and mutual appreciation once more. We all have our own story to tell, and how we dress can play a big part in communicating our individual personalities, journeys, and stories.

Whilst social distancing is now a thing of the past, we still feel it’s impact today. We appear to have become complacent with feeling invisible, despite how it can negatively affect our mental wellbeing. Just as Kaye encourages us, if we want to reconnect to not only our own creativity and sense of expression, but also to those around us, and once again feel part of a community, to truly feel we belong, we must be bold and rebuild our bridges for others to cross. ?

Kaye’s experience has the power to resonate with countless people, as her story can go on to help inform others of how they can tell their stories and express themselves through the clothes they wear. With this in mind, rather than simply blending in, how can we strive to belong? How can we embrace this different and unconventional way of storytelling? ?

?

Written by Katie Wilson, EP Business in Hospitality