A modest call to pay it forward

In life we all go through experiences that add to our skills and abilities. The people who help us through these are frequently folks we’re not in a position to pay back so the honorable thing to do is to pay forward. What follows are some ruminations about how we develop and execute on these debts in ways we may not even be aware of but truly should be.

Lessons

Much of the success I’ve had in life can be traced back to my years as a student and teacher of Tae Kwon Do, where I’ve done a good deal of paying forward but continue to find debts I owe. One of the most critical lessons from that part of my life, rarely taught with as much vigor any more, is “The Five Tenets of Tae Kwon Do”:

• Courtesy
• Integrity
• Perseverance
• Self Control
• Indomitable Spirit

These are core characteristics of success in any field. In my current life they play perfectly into Red Hat’s Core Values. Since earning my Master’s Certificate in Tae Kwon Do in 2011, I’ve continued to train as much as time allows and teach a bit but have spent more energy on family and career.

Arrivals

Recently I achieved a milestone in my career with Red Hat, promotion to Principal Solution Architect. To get to this point there are some stringent requirements to be met and documented, then presented and defended before a review board generally populated by Directors and VPs. At Red Hat we’re big on openness, mentoring and sharing so as part of my wrap up I did what several of my predecessors had done, I made my presentation available to my peers. Matt Smith, one of my many mentors, wrote to thank me for the contribution and what follows is a synopsis of that conversation:

Matt: Thanks for adding your presentation to the examples.

Chuck: No, thank you!

Without your guidance, example and mentoring I would have found my path far more difficult.

In life, there is a tendency to do just enough, but you have carved a path for all of us that leads to success grounded in thoughtful, ethical behavior. You are not the only one by any means but you are the one I most easily identify with. When we have examples we can identify with it's easier to follow their path.

This fits into something I was taught after earning my first black belt under Grand Master Jeong in the mid 80's; "Be careful what you now do because the younger ones will watch you and they will do what you do". At the time it seemed a bit crazy, who would copy me? But in fact there’s a lot of "subliminal stuff" (technical term there) going on in our minds and some time later I noticed that I had unconsciously adopted his quirky gate, it was not something I admired or aspired to, it was just something he did and then it was something I was doing.... Grand Master Jeong, would be proud to have you, Matt, leading his classes, you get his lesson innately. Sharing my deck is just part of my version of your walk.

Matt: Ahh Chuck, as always, you are too kind. You actually make me feel a little guilty -- I wish I could say that these observations of yours are planned effort on my part, conscious activity, worthy of compliment; but really, I just sorta stumble through stuff with nothing more than vague ethical and logical boundaries to keep me a bit constrained. :-)

But you are 100% correct - whether we want it or not, at this point in our careers and life, we are leaders that others follow. When I ruminate deeply about this, it makes me chuckle -- I arrive at the realization that those whom I followed when I was a kid were in the same spot I am now, wondering how life brought them to that point, and why the heck anyone would choose to follow them as leaders.

Chuck: This reminded me of a lesson I recently figured out. One of my early instructors was getting up in years, had poor English skills and a short temper. He had a signature technique that he would demonstrate, the class would mimic and he would scream something like "You’re doing it all wrong, not like that!" then he'd call in David who seemed to be doing it differently, we did it like David and Master Choi was satisfied. Thirty years down the road it became clear to me, one cold Winter morning as I was working on refining that technique, it came off EXACTLY like Master Choi’s. Then I knew, Master Choi’s technique looked different from David's because Master Choi was “old” and his back was too stiff to do it any other way.... It could still be devastating, he launched me across the room with it more than once, he just had to adapt it to his limitations and didn't have the patience to explain. 

Styles

I’ve begun a practice of making more time for mentoring, my time here is finite, my debt to pay forward immense and each opportunity priceless. As in the case of that kick that only made sense in the context of my aging joints, some things only make sense in the right context. Could Master Choi have taken a breath, explained the realities to a 20 year old immortal (and who among us was not immortal at the age of 20)? Perhaps, but at the time it probably would just have been noise to my immature ears.

A better approach is to invite questions and delay answers only when necessary. Those delays could be due to limits of time, knowledge or experience. The best example of handling this scenario that I’ve seen was given by a Professor teaching a class in the C Programming Language, a refined Southern gentleman with a voice like finely aged Bourbon. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve lost his name but I’ll never lose the lesson. On the first day of class he invited us to ask as soon and as often as we didn’t understand something he was teaching. Then he added a caveat (please imagine the “refined Southern gentleman voice”):

“Now at some point you will undoubtedly ask me a question that it is not appropriate to explain just then and I will say to you ‘just go uhuh.’ That will signify that I have heard your question, that you are lacking some basic knowledge without which any explanation would be futile and that I will get back to it before the end of this course.”

I still had a bit of arrogance left to be beaten out of me and figured this “uhuh stuff” didn’t apply to me. I was wrong. In the text I read about a linked lists of structs and I asked him to explain in class (I was probably trying to show off...), he replied with a gentle smile “just go uhuh” and continued on with the class. After class, thinking surely he was just being kind to the less adept, I followed up. He smiled his gentle smile again and proceeded to explain in rapid but polite words that “a struct is a composite data type created from a mix of various data types, potentially even other structs, that could be declared as needed and could subsequently have instances added as links into a list of structs in such a way as to be able to be accessed by a numeric offset of an address in memory.” Then my brain melted, I thanked him and walked away.

As the course progressed each of the “uhuh’s” became “aha’s”. I’ve come to think of these as “aha seeds” and in retrospect I see that there have been many of these planted in my mental garden over the years. Some of the most poignant came from my grandfather who passed away before I was able to appreciate and thank him for such gems as “Only in self discipline will you ever find freedom.”

Wrapping it up

In my teaching life life I’ve found “aha seeds” to be great tools, intentionally teaching what can be taught and foreshadowing what must wait for more time or foundation. In easy cases they prime the pump and I hope that in tougher cases they will bring forth fruit after I’m gone as my grandfather’s did for me. As a father I’ve found it easier to be patient when I believe that, in spite of stoney silence and a blank stare, the message has been delivered and may eventually take root.

As I wrap up, please remember that you too have been given much for which you have not been able to pay. Pay these debts forward, plant a few “aha seeds” in someone’s mental garden and try to hang around long enough to see them take root and bear fruit.