A Modern Day Female Lawyer: Personal Journey, Pregnancy to Miscarriage

An Honest and Personal Note

A day before my outstation business trip, to Sarawak for a chemical plant inspection, I found out I was pregnant. Yes, without a doubt, I went on the trip, which involved 6+ hours flight (with SOP), 4+ hours bumpy car ride to the plantation and inspection of a plant.

A month later, I found out my pregnancy was not progressing normally, and since it was my first pregnancy, my husband and I were unsure of what to expect.

As I entered my seventh week of pregnancy, I was informed by my doctor that while my gestational sac was growing, my baby was not developing and there was no heartbeat detected from my baby.

After a further three weeks of anxiety with physical symptoms to deal with and multiple trips to the doctor, I experienced a (natural) miscarriage. Initially, I made appointment for D&C procedure after waiting for weeks to have a natural miscarriage, which affected my work.

I went straight back to work two days after my miscarriage, feeling heartbroken, nauseous, and dizzy but taking it day by day.

For months, I have kept this to myself, my family members and my close friends. I told my colleague I am perfectly fine, I am happy that I can now have my caffeine, omakase, and wines. 

Recently, I have been doing a lot of readings and I came across this old article titled “Working Long Hours Can Lead to Miscarriage for Some Lawyers” by Andy Fell.

“Women lawyers working more than 45 hours a week are five times as likely to feel high stress at work and three times more likely to experience a miscarriage in the first trimester than women who work less than 35 hours a week", say occupational health epidemiologists at UC Davis School of Medicine and Medical Center.

Thinking back, I conceived during the time when I was preparing for a complex (and fast track) arbitration hearing – we took over the matter from another solicitor 3 months before hearing and during the first movement control order. Given the tight deadlines, we had to work till late night, at least until 2/3am for about a week or so.

Long hours, work overload, are phenomenon which are well-known and recognised, but wrongly celebrated by legal practitioners. We have been told and/or continue to advise young lawyers that it is extremely important to build a solid foundation during the first few years of legal practice. With this, long hours is inevitable and therefore understandable.

I have had numerous conversations with my peers on finding the best and most suitable time to have a child and raise a family while pursuing my legal career.

Would it be a good idea to bear a child after getting promoted to senior associate position or would it be better after getting partnership?

Will we still have time to raise a child then, with higher financial targets and own team to handle and supervise?

What about BD events and related commitments?

As a modern day female lawyer, passionate about the law and practice, I admit that I have not given much thoughts and considerations about marriage and family. My goal was simply to reach partnership before I turn 30. I have no idea how hard pregnancy would be and how it would affect my work. I didn’t fully understand the reasons behind female colleague/peers leaving legal practice after giving birth. Well, at least, not until my recent experience.

I know miscarriage is an experience that all too many women, and indeed female lawyers share in common with me. Here are some things I have learned through my short pregnancy and miscarriage experience:

At least for the 9 important months…

1. Work Schedule – Revisit your values and make adjustment. It is important for us to be clear about our priorities (now than ever). If family time/baby is at the top of your list (as it should be when you are pregnant), please be fair and responsible to yourself and your baby’s health. "Saying yes to a request feels good in the moment. We want to be the type of person that helps someone. But saying yes carries a cost. One that’s often paid in the days, weeks, or even years in the future. What starts as a single meeting becomes a weekly one. A small project becomes a large one. Drinks with colleagues after work quickly turns into a weekly habit." "While saying yes consume time, saying no creates time. Saying no is hard." The no-caffeine days during my first 3 weeks of pregnancy were tough. All I wanted to do was to take naps at 4pm every single day. My level of productivity dropped drastically, I would say. Soon after, my colleague, who I frequently carpooled with, noticed the change in my daily routine and we switched our clock in time to office from 9am to 8am, so as to allow an extra hour in the morning for me to "clear works" and "feel good". Also, during this brief journey, I heard so many of “just let us do these tasks” “pass this work to me” from my beloved teammates. ?? 

With capable, committed teammates (and an extremely supportive boss), I am now working on a continuity plan to ensure that knowledge of essential roles and duties are shared among my teammates, so that when I am expecting next (hopefully soon), they are able to cover my duties.

1. Social Events – Forget having it all. I love wines and conversations, and naturally, I participate in most of my firm’s BD/social events. When I was pregnant, I was told to (as I should) stay out of alcohol and fewer social events. Instead of feeling stuck, I felt glad that my colleague made the brief transition fairly easy and natural for me. I also realised other ways to BD apart from dining and I bonded with new groups of colleague and clients. It is not a good time for, and there is no need to, feel FOMO!
2. Next Pregnancy – We need to be aware of the potential (real) impact that long hours at work can have on our reproductive health. If you sit and wait to feel like the most confident person in the room to address the issue of women having to choose between having a career and a family, you are probably going to be left by yourself.

Advocate for yourself and others to build a community for women who enjoy legal practice – want to expand their career, and at the same time able to thrive in other aspects of their life such as marriage, family, their social life and so on.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it is a start. Please share your thoughts and further ideas and resources below!

Despite my lost, I have so much to be thankful. Some of you have reached out to me so kindly with support, advice and warmth over the months. Thank you for that, and I am grateful for those who have reminded me that we are not alone in this.

Each year, the International Women’s Day helps us to refocus on what’s so important to us, especially as modern day female lawyers. I encourage you, young women, to stop, reflect, realign and refocus as we move toward a more inclusive community!

#IWD2021