To Mock or to Cock, That is the Question

To mock, or not to mock, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous naming conventions,

Or to take arms against a sea of labels,

And by opposing end them?

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Huh?

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It’s one of THE great debates in the low/no space: Should we use the word 'Mocktail' to describe a prepared, mixed, non-alcoholic drink designed for adult drinkers in adult drinking situations?

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In the blue corner: Don’t call me a mocktail!

In the red corner: Just pour me a drink!

Fight...

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In the blue corner: Don’t call me a mocktail!

Regular columnist for Low No Drinker Magazine and low/no cocktail expert Camille Vidal is often heard espousing the sheer power of the language we use when it comes to low/no-and-light mixed drinks.

Her explanation of a ‘mock’tail being seen as lesser than any full-strength ‘cock’tail is often cited in her many public speaking events and on her social media.?

Let’s be honest: when you hear the word mocktail, do you think ‘sophisticated, adult drink’? Or do you think ‘all the juices and a paper umbrella’?

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A very brief and thoroughly unthorough search of the origin of the word mocktail presents an understandably irksome definition:

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“A blend of the words "mock" and "cocktail," meaning a “faux” cocktail.”

?Is a mocktail a ‘faux’ cocktail? (more on that in a moment)

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?A slightly deeper dive ?into the hallowed pages of the Oxford English Dictionary reveals an even more damning answer to the question: “Is mocktail a real word?”

A: “A blended non-alcoholic drink consisting of a mixture of fruit juices, etc.?“

?Even the OED isn’t convinced. It’s not looking good.

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Let’s get back to the ‘fake cocktail’ definition. The word ‘cocktail’ is thought to have originated in the late 18th / early 19th century to describe a mixed drink containing "spirits, sugar, water and bitters". (Why it’s called a cocktail, in particular, is full of wild stories from French fancy to horses’ tails – I’ll let you investigate that further if you so desire).

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Over the last couple hundred years, it’s fair to say that many things have changed but that a cocktail still needs to have a mix of ingredients to make a balanced and enjoyable drink. Over my 24 years in hospitality, I’ve seen drinks made with everything from the sublime to the ridiculous, and ‘spirits’ without alcohol are, by far, at the bottom of the ridiculous column (anyone for a Jellyfish Martini?).

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In modern terms, the definition of a cocktail is far more subjective and a heck of a lot more flexible. It is now generally accepted to mean [almost] any mixed drink with three ingredients or more (water and ice excluded).

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So a drink muddled with fresh mint, mixed with non-alcoholic rum, ginger beer, soda water, and lime, is still a Mojito, and not, as I’ve seen it frequently called, a ‘Mockito’. Same goes for a Nogroni, a Sansgria, and anything with the word Virgin in its name (seriously, who came up with that?).

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By calling our drinks mocktails, we accept that they are ‘faux’. We are othering them and lessening them all in one fell swoop.

So what should we call them, then?

Brace yourselves; this is a wild suggestion, but how about we call them…

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…

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…cocktails?!

Non-alcoholic cocktails. Alcohol-free cocktails. Zero-proof cocktails. (Just not virgin cocktails because that really is poor).

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Wouldn’t it be great to walk into a bar and be handed a menu with a list of cocktails that can be made with or without alcohol rather than a piddly little afterthought squeezed in just above the juices and to the right of the herbal teas?

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In the red corner: Just pour me a drink!

Virgin!?

Whenever I have a debate with someone about the naming of a thing, Virgin is my ace in the hat.

Can you imagine being in the room with Branson when he came up with that idea and presented it as the name of his business?

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“Nik, I’ve got a great name for our record business! Let’s call ourselves Virgin! It’ll have a big red tick as the V, and everyone will know we’re new at this.”?

“Erm, OK, Rich, any other ideas you wanna workshop first, mate?”

“Na na, I can see it now! ?Right in the middle of Oxford Street in giant letters: ‘Virgin Megastore!’”

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In case it isn’t clear, I wasn’t actually at that meeting, but that’s pretty much how I imagine it going. What I can’t imagine is anyone thinking that Virgin is a great name for a business, but time and billions of pounds in revenue across multiple sectors have clearly proved me and any other doubters wrong.

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So back to the Bard we go: That which we call a mocktail by any other word would smell as sweet…

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While recently speaking at the Club Soda Low + No Summit, I shared a conversation I’d been part of earlier that day. In it, Sober Girl Society founder Millie Gooch was explaining why we need the word mocktails in our low/no-&-light lexicon, and her reasoning is hard to fault:

“Whilst I absolutely agree that the word mocktail needs a refresh, its search-ability makes it an easy term for us to use in order to help people find us. When we do research into how people are coming across our platform, we can actually see that they are using the word mocktails. If we stop using the word, then people will stop finding us, and we won’t be able to help all those women who are searching for support in changing their drinking habits.”

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While there’s nothing wrong with terms like non-alcoholic cocktail, if it’s not what people are typing into their search bars or asking for in real bars, then aren’t we at risk of missing the opportunity to help them altogether?

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A big part of low/no living is about inclusivity. It’s about providing a choice for people who want to drink less for any reason for any length of time so they can still feel part of any occasion.

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Making a choice to go against the grain and do something completely different to your friends and family can seem daunting enough without the added pressure of having to learn a brand new dictionary of terms dictating what’s cool and what’s not.

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Imagine walking into a bar and feeling judged for asking for a mocktail when the bartender replies in a snooty, sommelier-esqu tone, “I'm afraid we don’t serve those here, but we do have an exquisite selection of cocktails sans liquor…”

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Mocktail is an internationally recognised term. If you go into any English-speaking town and ask for one, everyone knows what you mean. Do you run the risk of the dreaded mixed juice in a tulip glass serve? Yes, but if it opens up a conversation where both sides feel they can communicate safely, then isn’t that the route to educating everyone as to what these drinks really should be?

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Break

?So, after all that, I guess the final question is: Team Red or Team Blue? Or do you even care?

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I have a feeling that this is one of those topics that’s hotly debated among the professionals of the sector, meanwhile the consumer is just waiting quietly for something nice to drink. How long will they wait while we debate?

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My biggest takeaway from this: Isn’t it great that the low/no industry is now of significant enough consequence that this debate is needed!

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They say the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. So go forth and debate the names as much as you need to; just make sure you keep producing and consuming the drinks that allow us all to live a life less intoxicated while you do it.

And just one more thing: these guys are totally fine with the word...

Check out episode #29, The Rise and Rise of Mocktails, on the Low No Drinker Podcast, where I ask CMO Pooja Sharma-Jones about this very question.

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