MoAB #14: I turned 26. What does it feel like?

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Happy Tuesday :)

I had a?wonderful?start to my birthday last Saturday by spending it with about 30 of you over two calls. If you came for it, thank you so much for making the day more special!

Watching the magic of organic discussions in the calls reminded me of how much I love hosting events to bring people together. Would you like it if we had a monthly newsletter meetup? Hit reply and let me know.

Now, onto the newsletter.

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Since I'd been thinking a lot about turning 26 the past week, I thought I'll share something a little different for this week's article section. When I turned 25 last year, I wrote a letter to my 15-year-old self sharing the?10 lessons I would teach her ?if I could go back in time. This year, I thought, "Why not look into the future?" So I sat down to pen a short note to my 27-year-old self. Here it goes.

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Turning 26: A Letter To The Future

Photo Courtesy:?Aimee Marie

Dear Pooja,

This is a letter from your 26-year-old self.

Happy 27th birthday :)

First off, if you’re reading this, it means you survived another year and that’s?incredible.?I hope you still begin your day feeling grateful to have woken up to another day.

I thought I would feel more anxious about turning 26 and stepping into the second half of my 20s, but strangely I am not. A few years ago, a friend shared a quote with me about aging. Sadly, I don’t remember it word for word, but here’s the essence of it:

“I don’t worry about aging because I am not any one age. When I go to the beach, I am 5 years old. When I see an ice cream truck walk past my house, I’m 11 years old. When I am dancing with my friends, I am 20 years old. When I take care of my mom, I am 27 years old. When I am sitting in solace and thinking, I am 50 years old. I am no one age and all ages at the same time.”

Every time a birthday comes around, I think about this (albeit poorly worded) quote. Hope you’re thinking about it now.

So much changed in one year, since I turned 25. I quit my job to pursue the path of solopreneurship. I’m working on two books that I care deeply about. I moved houses twice and met dozens of new people as a result. I strengthened my relationship with people in my inner circle whom I love and cherish. I talk to my family more now. I picked up rock climbing and playing the guitar. I sing more freely now. I dance more fully. I have more compassion, for myself and those around me. And, I realize with each day the importance of cultivating inner peace, investing time into good relationships, and being willing to take more risks.

But, I’ve also come to accept that all of the above could change at any moment.

The impermanence is both terrifying and reassuring. Reassuring because you know hardships will be impermanent too.

Although you might be wiser than me (I hope!), I want to share a few words of wisdom. Think of these as distilled nuggets of wisdom to ensure you are on the right track, or at least, you steer yourself back to the right track if you’re astray.

• Invest in good relationships:?It’s easy to forget about this area in your life, and begin to take the people you have for granted. But, this is?the?area that will give you long-term happiness and satisfaction. Like a garden, good relationships require constant nurturing to grow. It should be?process-oriented, and not outcome-oriented.
• Your body is your best asset:?You’ve been incredibly lucky so far in being healthy and safe. But your body will only take care of you as long as you take care of it. Pay attention to it. Exercise regularly. Meditate every day. If something feels wrong, don’t wait to address it.?Too many others ?have made that mistake.
• Set aside time to read and think every day:?You have a high bias to action, which is both a superpower and a weakness. Set aside at least an hour every day to read, think, and write on topics that don’t have an immediate result. Consuming good content is how you fuel your mind.
• Define your own threshold for failure:?As you venture on this more unconventional path, don’t be bogged down by someone?else’s?definition of failure. If the books you’re working on now don’t pan out,?it’s okay.?Have a curious detachment to the problem to understand what could’ve been done better rather than being engulfed by social standards.
• Compassion. Curiosity. Confidence:?These are your three core values. Continue to nurture them every single day.

I don’t know where you will be or what you’ll be doing when you read this a year from now.

Perhaps you just had a bad day, or something you really wanted didn’t come through.

My advice to you is: take a walk and call a friend. It?always?helps.

Sincerely,

Your 26-year-old self

Photo Courtesy: My friend and excellent photographer, Jayanth. The picture was taken at my birthday party.

Share this with a friend :)

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Project: Balance?behind-the-scenes

It feels good to say that…?I’m making progress again!

Last week, I was on a call with my friend, Rishabh.

We have a 2-hour weekly “accountability” session wherein I help him with something important (which for now is fundraising for his?startup ) and he helps me with something important.

Last week, I had one agenda on my end: Setting goals for the week, especially for Project: Balance.

I began by sharing, “I want to have a long call with you to talk about the progress I’ve made so far, walk you through the research, and my ideas, and then ideate on the next steps. I’m also thinking of joining a writing program.” I trailed off.

He was silent.

I continued, “Also, I’m done writing the chapter-by-chapter summary for most chapters. Let me share that with you.”

I shared my screen and walked him through the chapter summaries.

He scanned them all, and told me, “This is good. It needs some refining, but there’s some good ideas there.” [Pause] “How about this? Pick a section from the book and write a short manuscript of that section this week.”

He paused, waiting for my response. Internally, I thought,?But… we haven’t yet had a long call to go over everything. And I need to enroll in a writing program.

I resisted the idea. Thankfully, I was also?aware?that I resisted the idea, so the “lets-do-the-things-we-resist” part of my brain woke up at that moment. I responded, “Um… okay. Let me think which section I should pick then.” [Pause] “The first section on?What is a balanced life and why is it worth pursuing??is one where I have done a good research but my thoughts are scattered. The second section on?Why people live lives of imbalance??is an ambitious one. The third section on prescribing solutions is one where I have most refined ideas–”

He interrupted, “Great. Then let’s pick the third section. Your goal is to write a 10-page summary of the entire section and send it to me by Thursday night 11 PM. No excuses.”

Fast forward to today: I did not submit a 10-page manuscript to him by Thursday night 11 PM. But something better happened. I?wrote. A?lot. So far, I’ve written 25 pages and 7000 words already, and I still have a few more topics to write on under that section.

This conversation gave me the?one?thing I had been seeking desperately the past few weeks:?a forcing function.

And, while writing the section, I consciously turned off the?judgmental?voice in my head to focus on getting out as many words on paper as possible.

I hope to continue writing this week, finishing it, and submitting it to Rishabh (and a few others) for feedback.

Phew. I just feel happy to be writing again. :)

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That’s it for now!

I asked everyone who came for the Saturday get-together for feedback on improving this newsletter.

If you couldn’t make it, please answer this in the comments:?What, if I do, will make this newsletter 2x more useful for you?

Look forward to your response.

Until next time, take care. :)

Yours truly,

Soundarya Balasubramani ??

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?? Feeling more curious?

[Video]?What Nobody Understands About Motivation : (25 min)?This video changed the way I view motivation, for the better. While all this time I thought of it as a?trait, now I know it's a?state.

[Podcast]?Setting & Achieving Goals by Andrew Huberman : (2 hours)?I'm back again with another podcast episode from Andrew Huberman. This video helped me?greatly?in writing the manuscript on setting and achieving goals for the book. Expect to be met with some fun neuroscience.

[Article]?Process-Centered Love : (10 min)?This article is worth re-reading a few times. The author deconstructs why we tend to view love in a?capitalistic, "outcome-oriented" sense, while it needs to be more "process-oriented."

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If you're enjoying this newsletter, referring your friends to it (sign up here to get your referral link ) is a no-cost way to improve conversations?and?get little rewards.

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