Mixed Messages
Andrew Van De Beek FCA
Obsessed with the potential of the Accounting Industry, Keynote Speaker, Podcast Host, Bringer of Good Vibes, Whisky Enthusiast, Rebel, Advisor, Friend
Ever had those moments when you think you said one thing, but someone heard something totally different?
What about in the other direction, when you misinterpreted something from someone? Hopefully, it wasn't a lean in kiss on the first date.....
What about in business, with your team, your clients, your peers?
A loooong time ago I witnessed a serious incident like this. Let's just say that someone (the giver) said something to someone else (the receiver) that resulted in some hurt feelings that resulted in the break down of trust and a loss of respect that still exists today.
There was a reconciliation session between the two at the time where the giver effectively said "I'm sorry if you interpreted it that way. That's just the way we do things in my household".
When pressed further, they refused to apologise for any part they may have played in the miscommunication, effectively passing the blame on the receiver.
Let's just say that wasn't well received.
Yuck
Back in high school (even longer ago now) an art teacher of mine for some reason decided it would be a great idea to teach us active listening, rather than how to draw (can't blame her...i cant draw to save myself). At the time, I thought it was ridiculous...good old 14 yr old Andrew... However, whilst I often forget to apply, that's one thing I have found helps ensure that both sides are comfy that what has been said is also received.
So - question. Have you ever been on either side of a mixed message, and how did it go?
Were you able to resolve it easily?
Has it changed the way you communicate now?
What's your tips/tricks on ensuring that no mixed messages occur?
Owner at KRS Consulting Group
6 年Mixed messages 101 ... stop talking and listen ... I walked into a conference session yesterday and found a seat .. my seat companion said “hi I’m (whoever) what do you do “ “ I’m a bookkeeper” his reply “ really dunno why you bother” rather than start ranting about my worth and get really pitchy ...I decided to stop, fall silent and then say “ so what do you do” “I’m a business coach “ was the reply What ensued was a truly bizarre conversation centered around each other’s relative worth. The obvious forehead slap moment to me was this poor soul had received such mixed messages about what a bookkeeper does , he naturally wondered why we bothered ...but when he stopped and listened.. I think....I think ....he saw the why ? I’d like to think so anyway
Founder of Unfair Advantage Accounting
6 年Forgive me if I am wrong - "mixed messages" term is traditionally used to describe the situation when the communication contradicts the intent. What you have described in your piece I would call "misinterpretation". It usually occurs because some words present different meaning to the person from different culture, education level, gender and personal philosophy or outlook on life. Words are loaded with connotations. Literal, primary meaning vs feelings which a word invokes for a person in addition. What would be my tips dealing with misinterpretations? Let the other party know that their interpretation is not your intent. Try to ask why would they think this way. Acknowledge that if you would use their cognitive and emotional filter you would probably came to the same interpretation. Try to use different words to explain the same situation and check that your message has been understood correctly.