Miss Pirate. Another one on the Power of Representation

It was a sunny, weekend afternoon as we entered the house of our friends, heading to the birthday party. The instructions were clear, one may think - it was a themed party and the theme was pirates. Therefore, naturally both me and my daughter came dressed up as pirates. It was not an effort. We wear those costumes at home. From time to time. I tend to joke that because she's half Caribbean, it's her national dress. Yet another time it quickly became obvious, that she's the only girl dressed as a pirate. There was a crowd of princesses though. Sadly, I was the only dressed adult. On the positive note, it made all the kids think that I am some kind of hired entertainer, so all of them started a balloon-sword battle with me. If you think that being punched, kicked and balloon-sworded by a crowd of 5-year-olds sounds adorable, you know nothing about life. After the host saved me from being stomped to death, I managed to grab my drink and a slice of pizza. It did not last long.

'Mister Pirate, will you play with us some more?'

'I will, but I am not a Mister Pirate, I am Miss Pirate.'

'Women cannot be pirates.'

'Well, today you met one and promise you, there's more of us.'

It's funny that we live in the world where even a 5-year-old boy can tell a grown woman who she can and cannot be.

But that's the power of storytelling.

So many times you are asked on the way who and how you want to be in x years, what do you want to achieve... People who struggle with the answer to that question are mostly those who do not feel fully in control of their life and their career. They are more ready to accommodate more to their families, partners, or the company treating them one way or the other. And that feeling of not being in control is typical for under-represented groups, such as women, people of color, people with disabilities, or others. They are the ones who tend more to feel like an exception rather than the rule in the professional environment, constantly on their toes, constantly feeling like an imposter.

That's the power of storytelling. Great leaders we see at the top. People of success. Have you ever been asked in your yearly review, where do you want to progress in the company, but you could not give an answer, as you simply have not seen a single person 'up there' who you could remotely identify with? And it made you think that people like you do not make it to the top?

There is a wonderful TED Talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie about Power of Storytelling. She is a writer, raised and born in Nigeria and the description of how she started to write is very powerful:

'I wrote exactly the kinds of stories I was reading: all my characters were white and blue-eyed, they played in the snow, they ate apples and they talked a lot about the weather, how lovely it was that the sun had come out. Now, this despite the fact that I lived in Nigeria, we didn't have snow, we ate mangoes, and we never talked about the weather because there was no need to. What this demonstrates, I think, is how impressionable and vulnerable we are in the face of a story, particularly as children.'

(Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story | TED Talk )

Are the stories about Nigerian kids less interesting? Not worth writing? That's what she thought as a child. They must be, as no one yet wrote a book about them. Why are there no stories about women pirates? They must be not so great adventurers. Why is there no person of color in the board of directors? They must have been no qualified candidates.

But you know what gives me hope? People like Chimamanda, who come on the stage and call it out. Last week, in South Africa, I listened to the interview with a young and fierce Michelle Nkamankeng - the youngest author in the country, who wrote her first book at the age of 7. She is also one of the top 10 world youngest writers. 'When I started to read I realized that most of the books for kids were written by adults. So I decided to write my own stories.'

Maybe it's time to un-dust your pirate coat (I know you have one), grab the seat at the table and write your own story. You know what's even better? Your story may become a turning point for someone just like you, feeling that they don't belong, feeling like an impostor. But suddenly there is more of you and you can rock this party together. This girl in the princess costume who grabbed the sword from the hand of a boy, hit me on the head with it knocking me unconscious knows exactly what I'm talking about.