MISTAKES: WE ALL MAKE THEM

Take 1, Take 2… Take 25.??????

?Anyone in film knows it’s rare to get that perfect shot in just one take. Yet, in life, we are conditioned to believe that mistakes are unacceptable and that there isn’t a chance to rectify them. Granted, there is a spectrum of the type of mistakes a person can make.

Some can prove fatal, but for this piece, presume that we are discussing mistakes that are not life-threatening, mistakes that everyone makes – the kind that can be remedied, rectified, and used as lessons for what-not-to-do.???

Mistakes propel us to take action and dismiss what doesn’t work or what caused a mishap, misunderstanding, or miscommunication. Either way, when we miss the mark, it is our choice to process the situation and move on or internalize emotional conflict, mental confusion, or self-deprecation.?

Growing up, I was so hard on myself. Fortunately, I had parents who understood this. I’m the one who pushed myself, challenged myself, and put myself in situations that demanded high performance. I thought as a child that making a mistake would send me to hell, perhaps it was self-inflicted, as I was a student in Catholic schools. In some cases, this belief held me back from being my best self as a child and young adult. Holding back lowers our inner self-confidence, self-esteem, and being our best selves. This thinking becomes cyclical and paralyzes us from moving forward. We become critically aware that we may make a mistake that drives us to make even more mistakes because we are not thinking. Thankfully, my father always reminded me, “What is the worse thing that can happen if you take a chance?”?

If we’re so afraid to make mistakes, then we never even try. Now that is a crime to humanity. If Edison, Ford, or Colonel Sanders ever stopped making mistakes, we wouldn’t have electricity, cars, or crispy chicken. They never gave up. They kept experimenting and deliberately trying to make mistakes to eliminate what didn’t work, which left more room to find out what did. I vividly remember a teacher in high school asking our class of 16-year-old teenage girls, “Is it better to think or to feel?” At the time, I believed it was better to feel. However, I’ve learned the ability to think keeps us focused and teaches us to balance the relationship between our emotional selves and our thinking selves. This balance of our emotions and our brains is tied together by the ingenuous highway of our senses.?

?In my studies in the neuroscience of sensory communication, in relation to people and events, I learned that our sensory systems, (let’s say the five primary senses of sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell) interweave with one another like a personalized superhighway. This internal sensory machine is connected through a system of many senses that connect to the brain and body. The key is to understand that only ONE sense can be dominant at any given time. Because of this dominance, our thought patterns and what we comprehend can cause mistakes both personally and professionally, resulting in lost revenue for businesses, personal mistakes, or not doing anything at all.?

Have you ever had the experience of watching a movie or reading a book, only to realize that you couldn’t remember what just happened? Same in real life, whether virtual or in-person.? Every second, we non-verbally process over 11,000,000 bits of sensory information. If a visual stimulant is dominant, you will focus on costumes or something that is visually demanding your attention. If sound or music is dominant, it will also demand attention and you will hear more than you see and so on. It is said that if you shop for wine and hear French music, chances are you will buy French wine or when you are eating in an Italian restaurant and hear Spanish music, the food will not taste as authentic.???

?What does this have to do with mistakes? If someone is speaking to you or at you and you are subconsciously focusing on their uniquely designed eyeglasses or the music playing in the background, you might be hearing them, but not listening to them. You’re most likely not actually comprehending what they are saying as accurately if there were no other distractions. Listening inaccurately can cost companies – and people – to make big mistakes. In 2021, David Grossman published in an SHRM newsletter “…a survey of 400 companies with 100,000 employees each cited an average loss per company of $62.4million per year because of inadequate communication to and between employees.” I realize that this can be attributed to much, but from a sensory viewpoint, what we write in emails and texts, what we say on calls, how we look on calls, what we wear, and so on are all factors that contribute to mistakes, miscommunication, and mishaps.??

Mistakes are what some of the most famous products derived from, including Post-It Notes, Velcro, and even chocolate chip cookies! These were ‘accidentally’ discovered because someone took action to remedy a situation. Mistakes are what make us human. So, why is so much pressure put on us when we make mistakes? We want everything to be perfect, so we don’t forgive, fix or give reinforcement and learn from what we did and perhaps make a new discovery.?

Maybe it’s the people around us who have the biggest lessons to learn. Perhaps it is the people who do not forgive mistakes, give the opportunity to recognize them, and discuss alternatives that have the issues within themselves. The challenge is that most of these people who are unforgiving or relentless in letting a mistake go are in positions of authority that prohibit making amends, rectifying the situation, and moving on. Others may be ego-driven, masking their own insecurities and blaming others to defer responsibility to themselves for mistakes. ? These people are jealous and use your oversight as fuel for their own self-gain.?

?I’ve made mistakes (and boy, have I made some mistakes). I make them every day and I know I’ll make more. Some were personal mistakes that affected a business relationship or personal relationships. For example, I made the professional mistake of giving a valued client and friend information that she demanded BEFORE I analyzed it and made sure it made sense. It was completely misunderstood, causing the breakup of a 25-year relationship – one that I cherished dearly. I learned from that mistake that if we are not ready, we must simply say NO, regardless of the pressure others put us through.

?My mistakes have permeated my being, affected me, and taught me lessons. One major lesson is that I learned to ask others for help, and guidance. It is the very essence of business and life to have coaches, consultants, peers, boards, and mentors that help us to see what we ourselves can’t. Again, mistakes are what make us human.?????

?What to do when you catch yourself making a mistake?? Depending on the situation you should:

• Own it immediately?
• Inform everyone who is affected by your actions of what occurred
• Admit that you are aware of what happened
• Ask for the opportunity to amend what was done
• Immediately fix it, offer alternatives, or discuss options to consider
• Be humble -? no one wants a braggart
• Say NO if you are not ready with information that can cause confusion or misunderstanding
• If possible, laugh at yourself and give yourself credit for trying

What kinds of mistakes will you make today?? Will you make mistakes by trusting others or not trusting yourself??

?One of the biggest lessons to learn in life is that “It is not what we do, but how we handle it that matters.” The ancient Greeks knew this when they introduced theater and represented the art form with the two sides of people – tragedy and comedy. Our biggest lessons are learned by mistakes and how we handle them, whether we think or feel, whether we laugh at ourselves or cry in despair, will define our development. The key is to grow from them, take action to overcome any negativity related to mistakes, and turn them into positive fuel to move forward.? ?

Take… 26!