I made a huge mistake

I once made a huge mistake. 

The worst mistakes are the ones we don't learn from. What did I learn from this one? To speak up and make sure I handled my responsibilities no matter what the circumstances. 

I left UXO on a California desert training range. For those who are non-military or non-explosives savvy, UXO is Unexploded Ordinance...explosives that didn't explode.  Leaving them laying around is no different than leaving a weapon on the ground, or a vehicle with the keys in it.

I was a 20 year old E-4 (Marine Corporal) leading a squad of Combat Engineers to set up a hasty defense to stop an imaginary enemy during a combined arms exercise (CAX). CAX is where all the elements of a combat simulation work together; cobra gunships, artillery, mortars, infantry, engineers...etc.  Live fire exercises, explosions, awesome aircraft screaming overhead for days, and thousands of troops representing the most feared and respected military force on Earth. 

Leading up to this training operation, I was merely a kid standing at a sand table planning a huge operation along side Colonels, Captains and Senior Enlisted. I gave my brief, told them what I needed, but forgot to mention a few things that would be unique to training…like how much time we needed to set up and that we’d need to go BACK and ensure that we’re not leaving anything behind. 

The mission was to move through the breach with a huge force, then continue on to several other objectives over the course of a few miles (it seemed) in the desert.

Our OP was to create a choke point for the "enemy convoy" using natural terrain and about 250 lbs of varying types of explosives from cratering charges to everyone’s Hollywood favorite – blocks of C4. But we were lacking enough time to wire up our gear for "boom" before the artillery was scheduled to fire in our direction. Bearing in mind, an entire assault of Marines was waiting behind us. Millions of dollars in equipment, ammo, fuel and thousands of Marines awaited our detonation.

So, we hurried, and we safely detonated with a glorious explosion that was right on time (always a big deal to time a multi-minute fuse the right way). By the time the fuse burned, we were 300m away and unable to get back to check our "shots" (ensuring everything exploded). Artillery was blasting the nearby area "danger close", and Cobra Gunships were rolling in next for precision fire.  

Unbeknownst to us, one of our 40lb+ shape charges didn't detonate properly. We were already far away when it occurred to me that I hadn’t let anyone in leadership know that we had to go back and check our shots. And my request was denied at this point as the entire evolution would have to halt.  I distinctly remember getting on comms (the radio), asking to check my shots…and they said “no, we will check them”. They didn’t. And I didn’t insist. Nor might they know how, as they barreled through the objective with glorious armor, speed and violence of action unique to the Marine Corps.

Later that day, the range officials came knocking, along with some of my command leadership. They had a lot of questions. It was a moment of truth for me. 

The Marine Corps was tough all along. Everything we did was challenging. Freezing in the ocean on Zodiac boats, running miles with lots of gear on my back, getting minimal sleep, shooting at targets so far away that you can’t really even see them, and doing things that most people would only experience in video games…but this conversation was among the most pressurized and nerve racking moments of my time in the military.

I had to own it. I was a leader now. I screwed up. Two years prior I was a skinny kid in high school with shaggy hair and acne. And here I was being grilled by my own leadership, and some other higher ranking officers. “We didn’t check our shot”, I said – or something to that tune. I had committed one of the ultimate Combat Engineer faux pas. I detonated explosives and didn’t go back to make sure they took effect. 

I had done well as a Marine. Picked up rank fast, shot expert marksman on the range 4 times, went through the SOTG Amphibious Assault/Boat SOCEX training, maxed or almost maxed a PFT once or twice (Physical Fitness Test), and had been around the world with the 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit… and now I was certain I was going to lose rank from this event. 

I had some tough conversations. I owned my mistakes. I learned a few things that I carry with me to this day. This mistake was made because I didn’t do two things as a leader. 

#1. I didn’t tell the leadership what I needed in order to get the job done. I didn’t speak up. I stood at the sand table with Captains and Colonels, and I gave them what they wanted to hear, instead of what they needed to hear.

Lesson #1. Tell them what they NEED to hear, not what they WANT to hear. Make sure to ask for what you want. Be transparent and frank. As a leader, you are the SME and must be able to say yes...and no, and get done what needs to get done.

#2. After I realized that we were short on time, I should’ve insisted on more time (in a training environment) for the sake of safety to ensure that we could do the job correctly, not quickly. I allowed the CO to dictate my tempo, instead of advising the CO that our tempo needed to adjust. The CO didn't know that this was important. I was the Subject Matter Expert. I was there to do a job and neglected to relay the importance of this.

Lesson #2. Speak up to do what is necessary. When the non-SMEs are asking for something, it is our job (the SME) to ensure that we don’t steer them wrong, despite what information they may believe to be true.

I didn’t lose any rank. I didn’t get into any real trouble. But I learned that making mistakes is part of the process..and that I didn't want to make any more of them. Especially as a new guy, or a young leader. I learned the hard way, but I was fortunate to be in an organization that realizes that I was going to understand my mistake, and I was going to learn from it. But that it was no more than a mistake, due to a number of circumstances all of which were my fault.

I've never forgotten these lessons and so many others. I've never forgotten what it means to make a mistake. And how we feel when we make mistakes. But more importantly, what we learn from mistakes and how we should treat people who make them. I left explosives on a range. But in the office, it's likely that mistakes cost money and time...and not lives. We learn from our mistakes, and leaders should be sure to encourage innovation, as long as mistakes are learned from. I became a better Marine, and a better leader, because of this.