The Missing Step in Teaching: Why Unlearning Matters Most

In the world of teaching, coaching, and developing others, one crucial step is often missed: unlearning. Our brains cling to familiar beliefs, resisting change to conserve energy. This essay dives into why introducing new concepts is so challenging and why we must first help others unlearn outdated or flawed ideas. By understanding how our brains work, we can become more effective in guiding change and growth. If you’re responsible for helping others develop, read on.

Earlier this week, Scott Galloway—business professor, media personality, and frequent commentator on cultural issues—waded into the controversy surrounding Olivia Nuzzi and RFK Jr. For context, Nuzzi, a journalist, faced backlash over an alleged online sexual relationship with Robert Kennedy Jr., sparking debates about journalistic ethics. As often happens, the scrutiny focused more on Nuzzi’s actions than Kennedy’s, prompting Galloway to offer his take.

He posted a video online (since deleted) defending Nuzzi. But rather than addressing the obvious double standards, he went a different route. He argued that her actions were "understandable" and even "reasonable" because, according to him, women are "wired" to seek out powerful men as a mating strategy.

Yes, you read that correctly. Galloway reduced Nuzzi’s behavior to what he claims is an ancient, uncontrollable impulse for women to seek care from high-status men.

Where do we even begin? Galloway’s argument harks back to a pseudoscientific theory known as evolutionary psychology—a concept that serious scholars of human behavior have long dismissed. His “biological programming” explanation is not just misguided; it’s simplistic, misogynistic, and, most importantly, flat-out wrong. Frustratingly, this isn’t the first time he’s relied on this line of thinking. Galloway frequently rolls out this trope to explain the so-called differences in the “sexual strategies” of men and women.

I’m not sure when Galloway adopted these beliefs, but my guess is that he picked them up from a pop science book or podcast that struck a chord with him. Why? Because the notion that our behaviors today are echoes of our prehistoric past can be strangely comforting. It simplifies complex human relationships into something neat and digestible—a tidy explanation suggesting, "We are just born this way." This idea likely lodged in his mind as a convenient answer to the intricate realities of gender dynamics.

I share this story because it captures why teaching, coaching, training, and managing others can be so challenging. It highlights a crucial but often overlooked lesson: before you can learn something new, you must first unlearn something old.

Understanding Why Change Is Hard

Like Galloway, we all fill gaps in our understanding of the world with ideas we've gathered over time, even if they’re flawed. It's simply how our brains work. So when teachers, coaches, or managers introduce new concepts or strategies, they often struggle to make them stick. Why? Because our minds are already filled with what we believe to be the “answers” to the very questions we’re being asked to reconsider.

Galloway’s belief in this discredited concept underscores the core issue. He’s not just misinformed; he's unwilling to accept that he might need to unlearn. This resistance is common. Once people latch onto an idea—especially one that offers a simple explanation—they rarely question it. Galloway spreads this misinformation to millions without ever verifying its accuracy. His mind is made up, leaving little room for reconsideration.

This is the real challenge in teaching and influencing others: getting people to let go of what they think they know so they can make room for new understanding.

The Brain as Swiss Cheese: Filling the Gaps

We often imagine the brain as a supercomputer—flawless, efficient, endlessly processing information. But in reality, it’s more like Swiss cheese, full of gaps where understanding is missing. Throughout our lives, we attempt to fill these gaps with information from various sources. It starts with lessons from our parents and families, then grows to include insights from friends, communities, traditions, myths, mentors, religious teachings, formal education, media, work, and personal experiences. However, this information isn’t always accurate or useful. More often than not, these gaps become filled with biases, misconceptions, and flawed narratives that we rarely question. And there’s a reason for this—it’s rooted in how our brain evolved and how it operates.

Built to Learn, Programmed to Resist Change

The human brain evolved to learn. It’s designed to absorb information and help us navigate complex, ever-changing environments. This drive to learn is evident in childhood, as we explore, question, and seek out new experiences. But as we mature, another mechanism takes over: the drive to conserve energy. Once we’ve learned something—once those gaps in the Swiss cheese are filled—the brain prefers to hold onto that information rather than reopen and question it. This is cognitive efficiency at work.

While this efficiency has value, it can also be a trap. The brain naturally resists change, favoring stability over adaptability. This is why unlearning is so difficult—it requires a conscious effort to reopen those gaps and question beliefs we may have held for decades.

The Unlearning Dilemma

Galloway’s reliance on evolutionary psychology is a perfect example of what happens when we fail to unlearn. He filled his brain with faulty science years ago, and now that misinformation has solidified into a belief. Instead of questioning it, he continues to repeat it as if it were undeniable truth. By doing so, he reinforces harmful stereotypes and spreads misconceptions about the human brain, women's motivations, and the complexities of human behavior.

For those of us tasked with teaching, coaching, or developing others, the challenge is clear. We’re not just introducing new information; we’re confronting deeply ingrained beliefs. The step often overlooked is unlearning. To be effective, we must first help people let go of outdated or incorrect ideas to create space for new knowledge.

Step One: Understand Before You Teach

To truly develop others, we need to change our approach. Before introducing new concepts or skills, it’s crucial to first understand what people already believe and how they think. This means exploring their current ideas about skills like selling, pitching, communicating, leading, negotiating, problem-solving, time management, creativity, or relationship-building.

Start by asking and listening. What do they believe works? What methods have they relied on? What do they see as the “right” approach? By understanding their mindset, you can identify the gaps between their beliefs and the new knowledge or skills you want them to adopt.

Once these gaps are mapped out, the real work begins: deconstructing their existing beliefs. Without this step, new information will simply bounce off the surface of the brain and fail to take root.

For example, suppose you're coaching someone on effective communication. They might believe that speaking confidently means dominating the conversation. If you introduce active listening without addressing this belief, it likely won’t stick. Instead, explore their approach—ask why they think dominating works, what outcomes they've noticed, and how they define success in communication. Then, guide them through identifying the gaps, showing where their strategy might fall short. By breaking down their belief that "dominance equals effectiveness," you open up space for them to adopt more effective skills like listening and thoughtful response.

Summary: Understanding the Brain's Reluctance to Change

Our brains are built for efficiency, constantly looking for ways to conserve energy. While useful for daily life, this design comes with a downside: a reluctance to unlearn. Changing an established belief requires significant mental energy, involving new neural pathways and reconfiguring old ones. Because this process is so costly, the brain prefers to default to what it already knows.

This preference is rooted in survival. Our ancestors relied on quick, ingrained responses to navigate a dangerous world, so the brain evolved to favor stability over change. Once an idea or skill is learned, the brain "protects" it as a shortcut, making habits and long-held beliefs difficult to break.

Understanding this is essential if you teach, coach, or develop others. You’re not just presenting new information; you're asking the brain to do something it naturally resists. If this resistance isn’t addressed, new ideas and skills will be ignored or quickly forgotten, as the brain retreats to its comfort zone of familiar beliefs and norms.

To be effective, you must account for this resistance. Recognize that people’s brains are protecting the energy invested in what they already know. The first step is not simply introducing a new concept but gently challenging the old one. By understanding how the brain learns and resists change, you can align your teaching with this reality. You’re not just offering something new to consider; you're helping them overcome a natural preference for the familiar. Only then can true learning and meaningful change take place.